Hey listen I emailed you the reason I posted this is because I wanted you to see it. I have to limit contact with people but not by my choice that choice was made by adults around me and I want you to know that my number was changed  I also didn’t make that decision. I do care for you
These past few days have been bad for me, I’ve felt suicidal and I don’t want to be here anymore I’m so tired usually I can come up with a plan to keep occupied but right now my mind is blank,I’m on summer vacation so it’s supposed to be fun and I had so much that I wanted to do but I don’t know what to do I’m very tired and I wish I had the energy to start doing things.
Do any of you have anything that you’d like to do? if nothing could stop you? if you do then write it down and don’t edit it just see what comes out. I realize that time will always moves forward and moments will always pass you’ll never be the same age forever, I always thought that I could feel this way for a certain time and go right back to a moment but I realize now that I was in denial I really don’t know what to do now but I have things that I want to do, so I hope that despite your pain […]
I woke up from a nap and refreshed my page on the site and google blocked it, I was using Google Chrome but just to get on here I’m using Internet Explorer. Is anyone else having this problem?
I’ve been reflecting on the past few years of my childhood and I felt like I could have done more as in take chances instead of sitting here waiting for things to happen and now I’ve seen how much time has gone by it kind of makes me sad because I feel like I wasted it somehow, even though I have been trying it hasn’t felt right . I think at some point in everyone’s life they think they can mess around and opportunities will always be right there waiting for them and what they forget is that it could never comeback ,I don’t think […]
I’ve been fine, I can honestly say that the days counting up to the end of the school year I have not been depressed in the slightest and have been looking forward to finding things to do, but I feel depressed again and a bit suicidal and have no direction “why am I living?” if I died there’d be ruckus for a bit but life would move on regardless of how much I would want people to miss me. Thinking like this makes me reminisce because I’m feeling very small and unimportant, I’m was always willing to change myself because I thought how I was […]
I’ve  been living a hermit lifestyle for a while now(a few years), after being bullied in the 6th grade it was my way of protecting myself because I thought “nobody likes me”  so why not save myself the trouble and from then on I was the only person I could go to but after a while that started to hurt myself emotionally and I really began to hate myself and I couldn’t trust anyone and felt like I was less than everyone that nobody could understand me, sometimes I wished that I could make duplicate of me just to talk to. I don’t trust anyone […]
I’m in no rush to grow up, I’m only 15 and I’ve put so much pressure on myself to become this “final product” and comparing my self to people who I think are better and thinking “why am I not there?” “why am I not as good?”. I remember I always wanted to be a musician and to do something creative with my career and I still do but I find that I was never encouraged or supported very much even at a young age and as much as it’s nice to really say I can pick myself up and support my own dreams somebody […]
Time passes by very quickly so fast that I find it hard to catch up, I’ve always been shy,imaginative,and outgoing at times but in my recent years I find that I spend a lot of time on my own and I never really reveal myself or open up to people though I’ve never really been a kid who’s open with her feelings but I guess I can contribute that to moving a town away and when I do open up to people and tell them how I feel it’s a very strange feeling to me now that I end up regretting it, I truly feel […]
It’s 5 PM and I figure I may as well go ahead and try to do something since the weather’s nice though something I’m struggling  is letting myself be OK which I feel I don’t deserve but I guess that’s just my depression talking and it’s hard to go and do something I like because at the back of my mind I’m like ” You’ll never be good at this, so why are you trying?” and it really makes me feel awful that I feel that way about myself but it’s true I’m not anything. I guess maybe I’m going  to do what I like […]
It’s five in the morning and I haven’t slept at all tonight, I can’t stop thinking at all this week I have been extremely depressed and looking for ways to ease my pain but everything is a bust. I thought I was doing so well but I realize I don’t think that I can be fine I don’t feel I deserve it I
I’m kind of feeling bitter and angry I never realized how badly bullying affected me forget bullying for a moment I remember how bad I felt and whenever I felt it was too much I’d try to go to someone to talk about how it made me feel but nobody seemed to take me seriously and stopped talking but the thing is I guess I started to treat myself badly and I began wishing everything about me was different and whenever I hurt emotionally it kind of brought me satisfaction in someway because I felt like someone would eventually care but it never happened so I […]
I wrote a post on here earlier this week saying should I tell the people who bullied me how I wasn’t going to do it but after talking with a friend of mine she gave me a valid point and said: i think this is a really good idea you have to speak out b/c a lot of people whose being bullied or bullied don’t really speak out and they hide their feelings inside and no one really know the whole truth and if you do it at least you did something to prevent this from happening to other people and that this took courage. I did […]
I’ve had this thought and no matter how much I ignored it this week I couldn’t shake it. Not to long ago in late March I apologized to a group friends I used to hang out with frequently for cutting them off b/c of depression though at the time they didn’t know and I explained that to them in my apology anyway besides my point my friends seem to being doing very well but one’s success in particular made  me upset I guess because we used to close and to see her doing well made me feel like such a loser because I feel like […]
Am I wrong for after a few years of having moved over to another town to want to let the kids who bullied me know how I feel and ask for an apology I’ve been thinking about this for a year now and at first it was a thought of “wouldn’t it be nice?” but now I’m actually thinking of doing it I’m terrified even though I don’t see these kids anymore even though they live across the town border so I shouldn’t be worried but it has affected me so I want to do it I may not receive an apology but I feel […]
I feel extremely irritable and I’m having a bad week. My grades in two classes won’t go up and now I feel stupid because my grade dropped to an F in math and I’ve always done badly in there but I feel like no matter how much help I get I will never be good at math because every new unit I’m confused and I’m slow. I have no outlet because I lost interest in things and whenever I try it’s never fun it’s like a competition and I get mad when I feel when I’m doing doesn’t end up perfect maybe I have too […]
I think I put way too much trust in people although it’s nice having someone care I feel like I’ll never be able to be completely to be open I guess not even to myself which is what I wanted to be the person I want to an get over this slump. I think I need something to preoccupy me from this bad week but I’ve lost interest in things and its hard to get back into them especially this week because I feel tired and irritable, and I don’t feel like trying anything but I guess I’ve got with something small I just don’t […]
I feel extremely depressed and I feel so critical of myself that I can’t write properly without my inner critic telling me how stupid my problems are and that I need to let it go. I guess that’s why I don’t really trust anyone or don’t have friends I mean sure we all have friends people we hang out with from time to time but I don’t really have anyone I can trust(to the people on here that have helped me thank you) that I feel won’t judge me. I’m not very social most of the time I just go to school and don’t really […]
I feel quite depressed  but I guess that’s okay since I managed to be alright the past week. I’ve been walking mindlessly through the present and haven’t thought of the future , I don’t know what I was thinking I guess I just thought things were getting better though I was wrong, what was I thinking. Reality slapped me in the face the school year’s almost over and I’m still in the same place I was when it started and I’m feeling even worse than freshman year, I can’t bury my feelings as well as I could last year and my grades have slacked, and […]
I now realize how much time I spend alone I guess I’m used to it. I just feel as though I’m afraid someone won’t like me if I open up and show them who I am though I spend so much time alone I don’t know who I am, I envy the people who are so open and vulnerable.
A word of advice to kids like me who were bullied and shut off from people is to find people that you can trust because it can take weight off your shoulders and to get out of your head every once in a while and do something […]
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