I’m feeling kind of down today no particular reason just feeling down. I went out today and whenever I go out (besides school) I get to see how depressed I really am and that just makes me feel even worse about myself, tonight I’m feeling regretful because I’m still depressed and I remembered something seven  months ago I was called into the social workers office at my school to talk about my depression and I lied to the lady’s face just because I didn’t want anybody to look down on me and I feel really stupid because I could have been better but the thing […]
To be honest all I want to do right now is die, and I feel this way every time things get hard for me because everything around me starts to get affected like my health,school work,etc. Right now I’m not doing too well in school I guess because  I’m feeling worse and when I see a bad grade I just feel like I don’t care because everything isn’t alright silly I know but I am doing work just not as much effort. I remember searching for ways to treat my depression everything to the symptoms  and  saying I’d deal with it on my own […]
I feel so much anger and frustration I feel like I have tried everything to help myself but nothing has worked so I Â don’t even want to try anymore I feel like a failure and I’m fed up after so many failures ….. I don’t feel like living
This is a rut that I can’t find my way out of I really don’t look forward to the future and memories of my past are tainted with my way of thinking I look back at times in the sixth grade and think why didn’t I take the time to love myself  instead of ignoring the feelings and telling myself  why can’t I take taunting from other kids because it’s truth because it’s the truth and now I hate myself  and I have so much anger and I don’t know how many times I’ve wished I could go back in time and change things I […]
I’m almost done with my application but I have so much pent up that I need to release before I can focus on writing it.
I went back to school this week and I had so much anxiety when I came back and after not being in school for so long I realize that school caused so much of my problems. I went back  to school and felt so bad about myself and I really dislike the feeling but the truth is I don’t truly love myself I’m not bullied like I used to be  because I moved  but the negativity that I felt towards myself […]
Right now it’s around two in the morning and I have just woken up after sleeping since five in the afternoon, I’ve had a lot of anxiety since returning to school since we’re preparing for testing coming up next week but right now I’m applying to a performing arts school program that I dropped out of last year when I was a freshman the applications are due today and I’m writing the letter of interest right now I may not get in but I want to try at least.
I’m finally starting to feel tired enough to where I can go to sleep after not being able to sleep at all last night, I went back to school today and to be honest I’m starting to like it less and less being there gives me a feeling of unease, I’m applying to the performing arts school I dropped out of last school year I really hope I can get in. Â I just want to be great :beautiful,smart,talented I know it sounds superficial but I feel like that’s what would make me feel good about myself. It’s 5 am one hour to sleep before school […]
I’m so angry right now and fed up I really don’t know what to do and I’m tired of brushing off my feelings and burying them away inside like they’re nothing. I’ve really tried to overcome my depression but nothing has helped and I’m starting to question myself because having depression has really messed with how I look myself before this illness and I’m tired of hearing things like “this will pass” and other things like that because if that were true  then I wouldn’t be here right now and I’m tired and I just want to feel what I’m feeling and not cover it […]
I’m tired of  the cycle, of making plans that get me no where and right now I just hate that I’m at the lowest point of depression I can’t even seem to get out of it. I’m so tired of everything
I can’t get myself out, Â I mean it’s not like I enjoy being here but I feel too far gone I mean I don’t even know if it’s worth it for me to come out of my depression anymore because it’s not like I’ll be any better maybe that’s my depression talking because all my memories are tainted everything is tainted.. I just want to be better
I feel so angry and frustrated right now, it’s ten at night and it’s another day gone down the drain I did NOTHING, I’m just so upset because neither way I’m happy I remember during the summer and early fall I was doing loads of stuff to try and overcome my depression on my own I created my own schedule I Â would exercise,draw, piano,etc but nothing helped I was bored the whole time and I wasn’t having any fun, it’s like either way I can’t be happy so there’s no point it’s like a double edged sword.
I feel quite exhausted right now it’s four in the morning and I’m wide awake, my body is getting so  used to staying up every night. I don’t really value myself too much and I feel like it’s my petty problem that I should be able to deal with but it’s easier said than done especially today when I logged on Facebook there was a girl wanting to commit suicide and so many people were trying to help her  and just looking at it made me feel lonely and want to cry because of how much I’m hiding
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/k4Swt8PrARNg0y3eLCF(watch at 7:52)
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/k5uCWuDBDzrhu63eLCM
I was watching  show of how a singer overcame her depression, I found it inspiring because she talked of how she tried new things like, reading and drawing and was able to express herself. If you would like to watch it check the links above
I can hardly get myself to write right now I feel so bad about myself right now. I wanted to do an activity today but what’s the point I feel like such a loser anyway I really miss doing things like dance,singing,etc. but I can’t I feel so frustrated when I fail I don’t know why but I do . I feel like I need to prove myself..
I don’t know why I wasted a whole night trying to write this
I’ve been having a lot of self-esteem and confidence issues lately and I’ve even found it hard to express myself on here because I was too critical of myself and held back on what I want to say so I feel like I need to write because I need to be honest with myself. I feel like I’ve formed a personality from it because I never got over the bullying and now I believe all the things people said about me to be true and it’s hard to get over after believing it for so long and I don’t believe the people  who say that […]
I feel like I live in the past too much it’s like I’m never present. With the way things are now I can’t imagine them ever getting better I admit that I have a horrible habit of making high expectations thinking as a way of feeling better at the moment an odd way of coping I know. I think that I’ve become so used to being depressed that I’ve formed a personality around it  even worse is that I’m afraid of coming out of my depression I have no idea why but I am, yet seeing other people doing well makes me sad and makes […]
I feel torn between wanting to commit suicide and trying to see the brighter side . I feel sensitive lately(quite a switch from being irritable)and have been feeling very critical of myself I don’t know why, I don’t even feel like I deserve help. I
I usually find comfort in my depression and am able to go on  but I can’t anymore I’m tired and nothing has gotten better and I don’t feel like putting my energy into things anymore acting like I’m okay and I’m not and I don’t have anybody to talk to that I can truly open up to. I don’t even see the point of trying anymore if  it’s not genuine and I know I’m going to fail.
I’ve been reflecting on a friendship that I ended 11 months ago due to my depression, at the time I thought that I was doing what was best for me while trying to keep them in mind but now I realize the effect it had on them, at the time I made the decision to end our friendship because I felt like I didn’t want to bring my negativity around them and bring them down but now I realize why it hurt because they felt like I didn’t like them I made a promise to myself that once I got rid of my problem I […]
I haven’t  accepted being depressed I don’t know it’s like I never feel present I either miss the past or am afraid of the future. I feel like I try so hard to get back into things and feel “normal” again but what is normal, I keep telling myself that if I never became depressed that I’d be doing so much more but that’s not true because I wasn’t all that better and time going by makes me feel like I’ll never be free and that makes me never want to grow and become bitter and lonely. I don’t know if it’s just me but […]