I do it because I have so much mental pain, I need to find a way to make it physical and get it out. So I abuse my body. I used to think I’d just do a few cuts here and there when I felt really bad, but now I do it almost every day, anywhere from10-200 at a time. It has taken over my life. I feel weird typing it; like, part of me is saying “no it hasn’t, you still have a life” but another part is saying “you’ve finally admitted to it”. I don’t know. I know this sounds stupid, but there’s […]
I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend so much, and I’ve told him so many times that I never want to hurt him, but that I know I will, and he just stays. I keep giving him chances to get out of the relationship, but he keeps saying that he’s staying. I’m still planning on killing myself, I haven’t picked a new date yet though. I don’t know what to do to make it hurt him less though. I feel bad because I know it’s going to be really hard on him, but I just can’t stay here much longer. I’ve waited […]
It’s been about 9 months since I’ve posted anything. I wish I could say it’s because things have changed and gotten better, but that’s not the case. Things have gotten worse. I’ve started cutting. A lot. Very few people know. It’s easy for me to hide it because I do it on my thighs and stomach. The only person who knows that I know in real life, is my boyfriend. He has depression and has been through tough times too, but he’s never done anything like this. I feel bad, because I know I’m ruining my body for him, but I still can’t stop. It’s […]
I’ve been struggling with depression for five years. I’m 18 now. I haven’t tried to kill myself, but I self harm quite often. I snap rubber bands against my wrists and thighs, I bite myself, give myself bruises, scratch myself, burn myself in the shower, pretty much anything I can do to cause myself pain. I feel that I deserve pain. I have done so many things in my life that make me think that I don’t deserve to live.
I don’t feel like people actually care about me; I feel like they just put up with me. I am supposed to start my second year […]
So… this is new for me. I’ve only talked to a few people about what’s going on in my life. I have my suicide planned; the how and when. I just can’t deal anymore. I guess I was hoping to come on this site and something would miraculously change my mind or make things better, but, things don’t always go as you had planned.