It’s been a pretty intense day. I’m at a pretty low ebb and all day I’ve felt really emotional. Mainly just really sad, it comes over me in a wave and makes me feel nauseous, and I want to cry. Cutting through that, I find myself smiling and laughing cos shit is so absurd 🙂 I’m a big beiliever in people and people have been really good to me today, very patient and kind. I think that maybe they can sense that I need that at the moment without realsing it. It takes about ten minutes to walk to my car after work and I […]
There, I just wanted to say that ‘out loud’.
You know when people ask you “how are you” (something that happens all the time) and you all you can say is fine/not too bad/I’ve got a cold? Well, what I want to say is that I feel awful. I have a growing sense of hopelessness/helplessness/self-loathing and it’s swallowing me up – suicidal thoughts are with me more and more.
It’s not imminent yet but I feel like I’m orbiting a black hole and it’s a matter of time.