i havent cried in over 4 years, but after she told me she loved him and not me, i lost it. i felt like i had no control over myself, i started cutting my hips with a knife, i stopped after 8. i cut as hard as i could. she called the police because she didnt know what to do. i had to lie to them and say it was a misunderstanding, but the moment they left, i broke down into tears. tonight was a perfect night. it was pouring outside, pitch black out, i literally stood out there for over an hour. now im […]
i truly think tonight is the night. the pain ends tonight.
i kept myself extremely busy and productive today to take my mind off of everything. it worked pretty well too. i went to my college and attended my two classes for today. i got a lot of homework done for my courses, took care of the remaining things for financial aid, etc. i felt like i accomplished a lot today, i was even a little proud of myself, until night time arrived….
whats the point of any of it? why am i still trying? im absolutely miserable with myself. the only person who could make this better is the person who shattered my fucking heart. i […]
im really unsure on what to say anymore. its not like i can go on facebook and talk about what i really want to talk about without alarming the people im close to. i used to be okay. i used to have the ability to turn the pain off at the snap of a finger. now its gone. the switch has been flipped and im unable to turn it off. all i can think about is death and ending the pain. why havent i done it already? i have nothing left to look forward to. the love of my life decided to move across the […]
the vampire diaries is her favorite show, so here i am, on a saturday night, by myself as always, watching this show and seeing all of these romantic loving relationships, something i wanted so badly with her. i refuse to live my life without her, i cant do it. the only reason im being a miserable loser here is because i wont allow anybody close to me know that i feel this way. once i grow a pair and actually decide to end it, theyll never see it coming.
she was my motivation for college. now shes gone. i am nothing. there is no point anymore.
i shouldnt have this much pain inside of me. i dont have it nearly as bad as other people. i have a loving mother, roof over my head, clothes on my back, food in my tum, a beautiful car, etc. yet i still feel broken inside. all because of her. why couldnt she love me again? why does she have to move far away and leave me here? she couldve made me the happiest man in the world. nobody will ever love her as much as i do. i cant take feeling this way. once shes gone and my mother passes, i will be empty, […]