no one deserves this much pain.
as I’ve made clear in my previous posts making a decision has always been extremely hard for me.
and i’ve been fighting the wrong battles for a long time.
this time I am choosing me and I am going to stick to my decision to the end..
trying to be anything to make someone love you or care for you or even at least notice you is the stupidest thing you could ever do and i’ve been doing it like literally my whole life and today I AM DONE.
but it’s hard and it’s painful to choose yourself over the one that you love,
but you will pay a much […]
I was waiting for a reply on a text..
two days ago, and that reply never came through.
I should be okay with people not wanting to speak to me, that’s fine.
but it’s always that one person you care about the most, they can hurt you even by doing nothing.
like really why can’t you see me?
it has to happen that sometimes you need to make a decision,
some of them might be reckless and out thinked and totally uncalculated.
but you get to a point after many reckless decisions that you tend to overthink every and each one.
you calculate every possibility to the bones.
you lose interest in most things and maybe, even tend to stop! just stop.
you be afraid of your inability of controlling the outcome of every move so you just stop moving.
you be afraid of getting into an surprising situation that requires you to move more,
or do more, or make more decisions and that’s a thing that you don’t want […]
in the beginning of things, I saw my scars as a mark of rebellion,
a sign that I am strong, and having challenges and conquering shit,
tho at times nothing was going wrong, I was an ATTENTION WHORE!
I was trying to get the attention of literally anyone, whither it’s the girl sitting next to me on the bus, or the guy at the bar or whomever comes my way,, I was secretly looking for sympathy, looking for caring and anyone that I could share my dump invented dark deep stories with, ignoring the fact that most of them were exaggerated or totally made up.
I even came to […]