I made the bad mistake of listening to the radio this morning because i didn’t have any ear phones so i could listen to my mp3. so i heard a song that reminded of of something i’ve been trying to forget for forever. the song was talking about how this girls dad was good and he makes promises that he keeps and that hes never going to leave. i wish my dad was like that because i might not be as screwed up as i am now. instead of always having my dad around i got an occasional visit from him being drunk and on […]
What would you do if you told someone that you tried to overdose on a medicine and they just tell you that next time to just take the right amount… and you kept letting them know that you tried to overdose and they tell you to take the medicine because it would be good for you even though you just took way too much of it?
So here i am sitting in my closet curled up crying… my family doesn’t see that i’m suffering and they don’t care because they think their problems are more valuable than me and my life. i am at the lowest point in my life and i have been here for a while… everytime i think i can’t feel any worse… something happens and i’m even lower than i was before.
I’m still alive… against all odds… and no one has realised that i have even attempted to take my life and i keep giving them hints… they don’t care enough to pay any attention to me… so why should i even bother with them anymore?
i am completley and totally worthless… no one cares about me
my attempt last night didn’t work so i am going to try again… i’m crossing my fingers and hoping it actually works
i am hungery but everytime i try to eat i feel sick and i end up not eating it i have not eaten or drank anything today and i din’t eat much yeasterday anyways and i don’t plan on eating any today. so why don’t i just stop eating and get my life over with? that sounds like a really good idea right now.
That was supposed to work! and it didn’t… all that happened was that got knocked out for a long time… i guess i’ll find a new way to leave this hateful world behind
Having more thoughts about my suicide and how much i want to do it… i hate this cycle i can’t wait to find a way out of it and right now there only seems to be one way…
I hate being so close to leaving all of my pain behind and then randomly backing out of it… i wish i could stop being such a chicken…
i knew i couldn’t kill myself… why even hope to be free of everything?
i am so tired of being depressed and not being happy. i can’t sit here everyday and pretend i’m okay because i know i’m not… i really can’t take anymore of this pain and i am considering permenantly being rid of it.
so i told my friend i wasn’t happy and she started to try to preach to me… i know everything she is saying and some of i believe to be true… but seriously… wrong timing. especially when she is one of the few people i can sort of talk to about how i feel… and she knows that when i say that i’m not happy that there really is more to it than just being unhappy.
its not really that easy… i wish it was
sometimes i hate life so much… sometimes i wish i didn’t have to deal with it… and now is one of those times
I get yelled at every day and it makes me feel terrible… i feel like i am never going to be able to tell them to stop yelling at me because i have been yelled at so long…
i found a box that i had put all my things that i had found important in my life. i don’t like looking back and seeing everything because it reminds me that none of that stuff is important anymore and i should not hold onto it because i have nothing to look forward to and i’m too afraid of looking back on all my painful memories… i can’t remember a time when i was extemely happy….
i hate it when there is just a brief second when i am happy and in that second i feel so good, like there was never anything wrong and then it passes and i feel so depressed and angry that i couldn’t keep hold of one good moment in my crappy life… and sometimes i realize i might never get hold of that moment again and yet once again i know that there is nothing else to look forward to and i might as well forget that the split second of happiness even occured.
in·cor·ri·gi·ble
Adjective:
(of a person or their tendencies) Not able to be corrected, improved, or reformed.
this is the dictionary definition of incorrigible. most of the time depression and all the other probelms associated with it  feels like this and i know it does… i have to deal with it every single day and most of the time nothing changes it… i hate things that are incorrigble… yet everything in my life is. so therefore i hate my life and everything in it… its terrible not having anything you want to live for… and yet get up and wade through the crap day by day… hating my life […]