I should probably listen to them.
Officially today, 17JAN13, I am out of the Navy. Medically discharged due to two suicide attempts while on deployment.
I don’t really have much of a plan now, except go home, achieve my goal of becoming stunningly beautiful, and either A) do a lot of drugs and ‘accidentally’ OD again or B) get hit by a semi truck.
All I have ever wanted is to be stunningly beautiful. Like Rita Hayworth or Marilyn Monroe. I know that’s terribly shallow, but honestly, I don’t really care. The only reason I have yet to attempt suicide for a third time in two months is because I want to wait until I achieve this goal. And then, I will try again. Because then, at least in my pathetic life I will have achieved something.
Why doesn’t anyone care about what I want? I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t. But if I say that to anyone I am constantly reminded how selfish that is of me, and that I’m not thinking of my friends or family.
Call me selfish, I don’t care. I don’t want you to love me, I don’t want you to care about me. I am 20 years old, and ever since I was a little girl I have known that I wanted to kill myself. I think three attempts in the past year should have made this obvious by now.
I can’t trust anyone anymore. […]