LetItGo

I’ve been out of school for a bit, partly because of Winter Break and the fact that it was too cold, but anyway I just wanted to write a letter to anyone really. Just to get my feelings out there. Now I know I’ve been posting a lot tonight, but right now its my only escape.

Dear….,

Hai. Today was an okay day. Tomorrow I’m not so sure about tomorrow. School is starting again and I’m nervous. The images have gotten worse. So have the panic attacks, but I guess its okay. No one wants to know about that. Well no one really asks how I am… […]

Do I matter? Do my feelings matter? Do my thoughts matter? Does it matter that I want to cut, but I can’t? I have good days, but I have mostly bad days. Does it matter that I fake through bad days? Does it matter that I can’t break anything so soon I’ll break myself? Does it matter that I smile no more, except for fake smiles? Does it matter that I don’t care about myself? I know I’ve only been here for a day or two, but does it matter that I want to through myself into a dark abyss of nothing? I don’t know […]

All around

There’s smiles

All around

There’s laughter

All around

There’s twinkling eyes

All around

There’s happiness

I do not smile

Instead I scream in pain

I do not laugh

Instead I yell out, but no one hears me

I do not have twinkling eyes

Instead I have crying eyes

I do not have happiness

Instead I have pain

Leave me.

Leave me alone.

Leave me to the darkness.

Leave the monster in me kill me.

Leave me to drown in my own lake of blood.

Leave me to never start over again.

Leave me to scar forever.

Leave me to die here.

Leave me.

Deleting.
Deleting words.
Deleting feelings.
Deleting unwritten messages.
Deleting unsent messages.
Deleting.

Hiding.
Hiding feelings.
Hiding pain.
Hiding tears.
Hiding scars.
Hiding.

Hurting.
Hurting mind.
Hurting feelings.
Hurting scars.
Hurting everything.
Hurting.

Crying.
Crying out.
Crying now.
Crying today.
Crying tomorrow.
Crying.

Faking.
Faking happiness.
Faking smiles.
Faking being happy.
Faking love.
Faking.

Going.
Gong no where.
Going there.
Going into the darkness.
Going here.
Going.

Leaving.
Leaving her.
Leaving him.
Leaving them.
Leaving everyone.
Leaving.