I am on so many medications at this point I barely feel human anymore. I’m currently taking four eye drops and 8 pills a day. I barely go out anymore just because I need to keep track of when I need to take everything. One of my pills is a diuretic and it constantly leaves me dehydrated and tired. 5 out of my 8 pills are just this one drug, so i’m dangerously dehydrated all the time. It’s part of the reason i’ve been losing so much weight. I also take something to treat blood pressure and an antidepressant. I just kind of feel numb […]
Listless living
I have a doctor’s appointment on Monday. I am dreading it like crazy too. I’m seeing a cornea specialist to decide if I need a corneal EDTA chelation operation.
I have been taking eye drops as long as I can remember and over time these eye drops have formed calcium deposits on top of both of my corneas. This is called band keratopathy. And i’m nervous because chelation involves using acid to dissolve the calcium while using a small blade to scrape off whatever’s left. This all happens under anesthetic of course, but it still sounds awful, and it definitely has risks. I guess i’m just […]
I know it seems kind of silly, but i’ve been thinking about my final day on earth a lot lately. And one of my reoccurring questions is, what would my last meal consist of? I have been on a self, imposed diet for the last 6 weeks and I have lost 25 lbs, but that just means everything sounds good to me at this point. I’m pretty sure I would have some version of pizza with fries and a piece of french silk pie. What would you guys spoil yourselves with?
I have become more and more isolated over time. It’s kind of an odd feeling because now I just have everything delivered to me whenever I need something. These days I work from home, so for the most part I can live a contactless existence. It’s an unusual place to be when you realize you don’t need to go anywhere. I always keep a tv on for background noise though, because I really can’t stand the stillness of pure silence. Which I suppose is kind of ironic considering how secluded I find myself these days. I wonder if I will ever really feel comfortable in […]
I feel completely hollowed out today. I suppose that’s not fair, because this feeling has been growing with intense ferocity over time. I’m not even really sure what to do anymore, i’ve lost interest in most of the things I used to do, or my vision is so poor now I just can’t do them anymore. The best, case scenario is that I have around 4 surgeries lined up in the future, if i’m even around that long, but even then, the complications and outlook of those are not incredibly optimistic. So, I just kind of feel like everything is a noose slowly tightening in […]
I made a promise to myself over 20 years ago that my life hinged on a very distinct timer. I have open angle glaucoma that I was born with and my vision has been dwindling pretty gradually over the last 40 years. I made a promise to myself that once all of my vision was gone, I would make my exit.
Things have progressed negatively in a very major way, and I probably have less than a year to express myself. So, here I am to hang out with you guys until the final days. I used to be so angry at the world for being […]