It’s not ok for you to see the cracks in me
They say we are selfish for wanting it to end.They say we should stay alive we are too young.Do they know what I go through each day?Do they know what she does?The dark feeling begins,first the whisper of the voice, saying it’ll all be over soon.Then the screaming of the voice telling me to just do it. Then something good happens so I get an inkling of hope. Only to have snatched around by her.
she is the reason for my problems. Once again you say it is selfish for me to want it to end. It’s selfish for you to want me to stay […]
The fear is palpable
The pain isn’t manageable
Wrists out
Knife slits
That’s the way I’m going out
The way it is all going to end
You’ll be done with me
I’ll be through with you
Let’s both pray that this time —
I’ll be through
It started in 8th grade. The first year that I really realized my mom had drug and alcohol problems. The first time I knew the reason she never went on field trips with me. Why she never went to parent teacher confrences. Why I wasnt allowed to have sleep overs. Well you know what mom, you don’t have to worry about my b*tching anymore cause I’m ending it soon. Ending it so you never have to see my face again. Ending it so you will finally feel the pain I’ve been feeling for 16 years.
It’s all your fault mom.
The reason why I cut.
The reason why I cry.
The reason why I scream into my pillow everynight.
It’s all your fault mom.
You push me to the edge — you push me over.
Just when it gets good.
Just when I think everything is going to be different.
You yell! You hit! You hurt — me.
So yes,
I’m selfish. I’m dumb. I’m failure. — You won!
I’m Done!