Author

Mars15

Things that won’t fade

by Mars15 2/26/2023

written by Mars15

I am not a child anymore.
I have not seen or spoken to these people in years.

They do not affect me. They SHOULD not affect me. They have NO bearing on my life— I need them out of my head. I don’t want to think about it, I don’t want to REMEMBER any of it, because it DOES NOT MATTER ANYMORE.
I don’t want to keep revisiting these things, unbidden. I have long since removed myself from the source, but somehow it keeps following me in my mind, creeping in without rhyme or warning.
It should not take so long to rid my body of […]

2/26/2023 10 comments

I must not want to get better.

by Mars15 2/20/2023

written by Mars15

I’m scared and hurt. I’m tired, too.
More than that, I’m a coward. And I’m weak. I don’t have the right to feel scared, tired, and hurt. I am the cause of my own problems— all of this is in my head. I KNOW it’s in my head.
And on a rational level, I know, I KNOW that at least a part of this isn’t my fault. I’m not well. There is something WRONG with me, wrong with my BRAIN— but how much is actual physical illness in my mind, and how much is me using that as an excuse to be lazy? To not […]

2/20/2023 2 comments