merida

somehow i cannot see anymore the person i was before

the person that i look up to and adore

the person who is outgoing, creative, and wise

now that person died many times-

inside her head.

I’ve cut my hair very short and dyed it many times (hypomania)

I’ve cut my arms with a blade, now, there’s scares and lines (depression)

My friends? Do they remember?

The times we spent together?

NO.

My family, trying to help

Why can’t they understand

I don’t want to help myself-

I give up.

I give up.

There’s nothing left of me.

I give up.

Meds did really helped me alleviate my situation. I didn’t cry every night anymore. I’m capable of thinking about good thoughts now. I’m not that much of a suicidal or homicidal anymore. It’s like I’m seeing a ray of hope from my situation. But… I’m worried. What if they’re just false hopes? What if in the end… everything will come back to me full blown? And what’s worse… I’ll be taking meds for the rest of my life… just to become normal.

NORMAL? Normal is mundane… boring…

I’d never wished to be normal… I just wished to be different… to be mad, insane, peculiar… without the depression… […]