I always think that maybe I’m just using him to fill the hole that he left. If you love someone you never really get over them. You just find someone new to distract you from the one before.
One day, I’m going to pack all my stuff and leave. I’m going to walk out & never look back. My family will wish they would’ve treated me better. I can’t wait for the day I finally get out of here. Maybe that’s why people grow up. Not to become something but to escape from the place they’ve been for so long.
He makes me feel better. Like all the bad things in my life don’t matter when I’m with him but now that hes gone, everything is bad again. I miss him every minute of every day. I feel so lost all the time.. why can’t things for once, go right for me?
I’m constantly telling myself I’m okay & for a while, I kind of believe it. But then I’m alone & thats when it goes bad. I don’t have anyone to distract me.. I wake up in the middle of the night & literally cry myself back to sleep. I’ve gotten so bad that I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m tired. I just want to be okay again.
I feel tired all the time. I feel like theres no reason anymore. I drag myself through every day. I don’t want to survive, I want to live. I want to be happy again. I always wake up and feel depressed, like I don’t want to get up. I dont want to go any where. I don’t want to do anything. My life always feels wrong. Like something is missing. Like theres an empty place where you should be.
When you left its like you took my happiness with you & left me with all the memories. Every moment we ever spent together replays in my head over & over again. You seem to be all I ever think about. I can’t escape because its all in my head. I wish I could sleep for a long time because when you sleep you don’t feel. I won’t have to feel the pain in my chest or the twisting in my stomach. You’ve moved on & I’m in the same place you left me. Its hard letting go to everything you’ve ever wanted.