HE KEEPS TALKING TO ME TRYING TO EXPLAIN WHY I CANT POSSIBLY CARE ABOUT HIM THIS MUCH, WHY I CANT POSSIBLY BE THIS UPSET?! ITS BECAUSE HE TOOK ALL OF MY LOVE, EVERYTHING I HAD, AND I CANT GET IT BACK. I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE. I HAVE NOTHING LEFT. ALL I WANT AND CARE ABOUT IS HIM. HE KEEPS TRYING TO TALK, SAYING THINGS THAT ARE MAKING ME FEEL WORSE. THERES NOTHING I CAN DO. HE DOESN’T GET THAT HE COULD HAVE HAD SOMEONE THAT DOESN’T WANT ANYONE ELSE BUT HIM. THATS HIS FEAR. AND HE DOESNT GET IT.
IM ACTUALLY SCARED FOR […]
NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO HAVE MY BODY ANYMORE! I AM NOT THE PERSON I USED TO BE! SINCE I DON’T WANT IT, ITS NOT HAPPENING! I AM IN CONTROL OF MY BODY NOW!
EVERY SECOND IS WORSE AND WORSE! YOU THINK ITS SO EASY TO WALK AWAY FROM THE PERSON YOU CARE ABUT MOST?! ITS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME! THATS WHY I AM SAYING GOODBYE.
IM NOT GOING TO MAKE IT TO TOMORROW, I DESPERATELY WANT TO BUT ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. IM GOING TO REST FOREVER.
FUCK MY WORK. FUCK SCHOOL. FUCK PEOPLE. FUCK MY LIFE.
DROWN IN MY FUCKNG TEARS. I WANT TO RUN OFF THE 7TH FLOOR WINDOW AND DISAPPEAR.
THERE IS NO POINT FOR ME TO LIVE. ITS EASIER SAID THAN DONE MOVING ON. I CANT. IMPOSSIBLE. NOT WHEN SO MANY THINGS ARE SO WRONG. I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS. I CANT BE HAUNTED EVERY SECOND. SOMETHING HAS TO GET TO HIM. NO. IT WONT. HES JUST GOING TO LET ME DIE. BECAUSE HE IS WRONG AND HE DOESNT CARE BECAUSE IT DOESNT SETTLE HIS FEELINGS. I DONT WANT TO GIVE HIM THIS POWER BUT HOW CAN I LIVE LIKE THIS EVERY DAY. I TELL HIM EVERY DAY HOW MUCH HE HURTS ME. I LOVED HIM SO MUCH. AND I CARED FOR HIM MORE […]
i don’t want to kill myself i just can’t live anymore. this is not a life. i can’t be who i know i am i have to be what somebody else thinks i am. my life is defined by them. not who i am TODAY. i hate my life, i truly mean that, i have nothing, and i can’t just live life. i am my own person. I’m not what somebody else thinks of me. but what difference does it make if i can’t show them that! i have to go on everyday like this?! the only person i care about is the one who […]
FOR ANY OF YOU HORRIBLE PEOPLE WHO BULLY OTHERS AND WHO CONTROL OTHERS AND WHO TRY TO PAINT A FALSE PICTURE OF OTHERS, PEOPLE DO KILL THEMSELVES BECAUSE OF HOW THEY ARE TREATED BY OTHERS. ONE PERSON CAN CAUSE SOMEONE TO COMMIT SUICIDE. IT IS TRUE. I DIDNT MAKE IT UP AND IM NOT BEING DRAMATIC. ITS NOT A CALL FOR ATTENTION. IT IS TRUE. IT IS 100 PERCENT TRUE.
WHO WANTS TO LIVE IN A WORLD LIKE THIS. THEY CANT BE THE PERSON THEY WANT TO BE AND THE PERSON THEY KNOW THEY ARE. THEY ARE JUST DEFINED BY WHAT SOMEBODY ELSE SAYS?! I […]
I’m the crazy one because i don’t want to live in a world like this? I don’t want a life of agony? IF I DIED HE CLEARLY WOULDN’T CARE AND THAT MAKES ME WANT TO DIE MORE. my health isn’t important enough? he’s so wrong about me. i know I’m partially to blame, i know I’ve done things wrong, but if i try and make it better, and stick around every day and just try my hardest, can i keep blaming myself? how can someone just care for somebody else SO LITTLE when the other person loves them more than anything? how can someone feel […]
i hate my life. i hate myself. i hate that i can never get rid of my past. i hate everything. ill never be happy. ill never be okay. i hate it. no matter what i do. no matter how much ive changed. no matter how much ive grown. no matter how good i am. no matter what. it will always be the same misery that will just get worse and worse and worse. until i physically cant handle any more.
we live in a horrible world. i am looking at photos from the kenyan mall attack. such horror. how can people be so heartless? more and more i am convinced that the negative outways the positive in this world.
i actually thought id do well this year. i actually thought id have a good year. i actually thought id have a fresh start. i was very wrong. im just shutting down. so now ill do what he wants. i know how wrong he is. ill give in to everything. ill let the abuse keep coming. and once it causes permanent damage (or more permanent damage) ill at least know that i stuck through it and i will be then be sure what kind of a person he is. and maybe he’ll feel bad about himself then. maybe thats what i need. day 2 of […]
it seems no matter what i do, it doesn’t matter. i guess i have to understand that. i have decided to stop lying a while ago, for many reasons. it’s wrong and because it has only ruined my life. i dont lie anymore. i try my hardest to do everything right and i also do that because i care. i care more about him it seems than i care about myself. and that’s not good. i love him more than my own life. thats not good. i have no meaning. whether i live or die, i still refuse to go backwards. i refuse to be […]
i am shutting the world off right now. i am going to sleep and i need at least 24 hours to sleep now uninterupted. lights off. everything off. sound off. life off.
he just said “more of me hates you then loves you.” im not living like this. HE IS IGNORING THE TRUTH! I AM NOT LIVING IN A WORLD THAT I CANT GET THE TRUTH THROUGH TO HIM. im gone.
he can hate me for the past, even though i dont want him to hate me. but he cant hate me for the present. it’s not fair. he hates me. and all i want is to kill myself. I’m doing the right things now. ive been doing the right things. and it doesn’t matter. he is upset so he is ignoring the facts. he wont believe me even though im telling the truth. i dont know what to do. all i want to do is die. i know i ruined everything. i know why he cant believe me. but that doesn’t help anything. what im […]
i really want to die. i am done making things up. why cant he see that it would be so much easier to just make something up that sounds believable so we could stop fighting? i know it sounds hard to believe because it seems too good to be true. i dont know what to do. what can i do? why cant he see that not making something up at this point to stop fighting is doing more harm to me than good? i cant do this. i dont know what to do. i really just feel like dying. he is completely ignoring the facts […]
i just feel like an overall miserable person and it’s been building for so long, which is why my misery comes out often now. it’s difficult to suppress and hold inside. i dont know what to do anymore. i dont know how to convey how upset i am without it coming out in a way that will cause a fight. im screwed no matter what i do. if i just say things calmly, the magnitude of my hurt and frustration is not heard and it gets completely ignored, which leads to misery, if i yell, it just causes a fight and i get yelled at […]
i’m done. I’m so far gone. i love him more than anything on this earth, i care about him more than anything. and he can’t see that he is actually killing me. i hate myself. when am i ever able to redeem myself? when am i ever able to get anything positive in return? i dedicate every second of the day to him. how can someone want to be so mean ALL the time. FOREVER. please, he has to step back and see my dedication. he has to step back and see im a human. please. im done. so i’m going to try my best […]
all i want to do is jump from the fucking top floor window. i dont want to be talked to like this. i dont want to be treated like this. it’s not ok. it is not okay to keep feeling like this. what the fuck am i doing wrong?! what the fuck am i doing?! what the fuck?! what the fuck?! whether i talk in a calm sincere loving voice, whether i beg and plead, whether i shout from the top of my lungs, nothing works. nothing fucking works. no i just get fucking screamed at after ive screamed because all of this has caused […]
one fucking day. do i have to cry every fucking day?! what a fucking hypocrite. i dont get any respect. i dont get treated equally. it kills me. i cant take this. my voice is useless. quiet or loud it’s a problem. everything is a fucking problem. damn right i have an attitude. can the issues i bring up be addressed?! can i just be understood this fucking once?! do i always have to be fucking disrespected, misunderstood, or just ignored altogether?! what kind of fucking life is this?! what the fuck?! there is nothing nowhere and no one to turn to. what the fuck. […]
every fucking day of my life. same shit different day. every fucking day. if it’s not all day, it’s on and off throughout the day. a fucking roller coster. there is no one. no one who fucking gets it. you would think id get some sort of sense of compassion and be treated somewhat equally. no. my sense of reality is skewed?! maybe sometimes it is. but theirs? so fucking skewed. so wrong. it hurts so fucking badly. just fucking excuses. every fucking day. there is no one. when i thought there was someone. there is fucking no one. but im the MORON who keeps […]