It has officially been one year since I could stand to look at myself in the mirror. I don’t even know who i have become, on the inside or on the outside. It had been a year since I felt purely happy. I’m not sure if I can face a whole year again.
I really can’t go on like this anymore.
Today was just as horrible. Everyday I think it will get better. I thought I would be how I used to be. Then I realize nothing has changed. And I just want to leave this earth. We all return to dust anyways. What is the point of existing in this miserable place we call our planet. I cant face another day of wishing for something more. I can’t face waking up tomorrow and pretending to be happy when all I want to do is crawl into such a small ball that I eventually disappear. No one understands the real me.
I was beautiful.
I was light.
I was in full control.
I could resist everything.
I loved their whispers, their stares.
I was faster than everyone.
I was not injured.
I was not broken.
I was not torn, or shattered.
I did not limp.
I could do what needed to be done.
I was smart.
I was confident.
I could ignore that voice.
I still loved him.
I did not love him.
I had cheekbones, collarbones, shoulder blades, ribs, wrist bones, knees.
I had everything.
Now I can’t even control my brain.
I’m not fast.
I’m not light.
I’m not who I should be.
Everything […]