On good days she feeds you with crumbs. You are irrelevant. You are only the host that carries the attention that she craves. She smiles at the ease with which you’ve flayed yourself open for her to take. She tosses you scraps of your own ignorance. The trail of hope  that keeps you coming back. She’ll peck until there is no more. You give because you know that if you stop, she will stop. She has no capacity to love. You have too much. You can only speak of the darkness in cliches. Your screams to God tearing through the sky like unholy devastation. Finding […]
Accept that you are repulsive.Accept that she is disgusted by you.Accept that you are not lovable. Accept that tomorrow will be like yesterday.Accept that she is sunshine.Accept that darkness is all you have. Accept that you’ll never be touched.Accept that there is no poetry.Accept that your death won’t be romantic.Accept that she will not mourn.Accept that this made it too much to carry.Accept that there’s no magic.Accept that there’s no miracles.Accept that the need makes you scream.Accept that she looks like heaven.Accept that heaven is illusory.Accept that her heart beats.Accept that it doesn’t beat for you.Accept that her lips could have saved you.Accept that you […]
I am finally ready to physically die. Â I always knew that eventually the pain of being alive would be worse than the fear of dying. I can’t take it. Â I have to face the reality of my life. Â After more than 40 years, no one has ever been in love with me. Â I just can’t keep putting myself through each new day knowing that no one will ever touch me. Â I am disgusting and worthless. I don’t even have God anymore. Â How can I love Him when I know he doesn’t love me? When I know that he created me as this unlovable thing? […]