i’m working at my dream job. it is stressful but meaningful that i have some “uh-huh life is good” moments from time to time.
but every time when i sit down quietly, i can feel the pain. i feel the emptiness in my chest. i still wish i were dead.
seems like i see the good things as separate incidents while blaming all the bad things on life as a whole.
The post mentioning GGB reminds me of my story.
I spent some time around GGB with the most perfect woman in the world. I’m on another side of the globe. I flied to her place, and she brought me to GGB as one of the tourist spots.
I don’t think we will meet again. I don’t think she would want to see me anymore. But the photo of two of us in front of GGB keeps popping up in my phone.
And I’m here on this site. I just feel, maybe everything is related.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yG0YgUpPlg
I was 12. I fell for the first girl in my life. And I cried myself to sleep every night.
I was 20. Someone told me I was blessed that I should be envied by everyone. I just said nah. What was going on my mind was, which blessed one on earth will fear that she would die alone?
I am 25. This fear is just getting more and more real. And I still cry myself to sleep.
It’s not just the lack of romantic life that hurts. Not just being appreciated romantically by no one. But that you know your fate and you can’t escape from it. […]
We are on different sides on the globe. She agreed to let me fly to her place for a few days. After that I learned I’m unloved, as usual.
She’s suicidal and have emotional problems. But she has an interesting life and all sorts of exciting experience. I have nothing.
I’m 25 years old and I’ve never been in a long relationship.
I have a stable 9-6 job. I have a master degree. I have good friends and family. I’ve always been a good student, employee, friend, and daughter. I excel in many areas but romantic life.
Don’t fucking ask me to just focus on other areas in life […]
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