Buscetti

I’m having a huge fight internally.

Just want to go put my noose in the basement to use, but also, I just told my mom the other day I’m considering getting into crime scene cleanup, because dealing with other people’s traumas…. maybe it’ll discourage me, seeing what the aftermath of a suicide looks like in real life, if I got called to clean one.

Also debating putting my “story” up here, to mostly bond with others in a “similar darkness”.

Fuck you darkness.

I wish I’d stop having dreams with him in them. His ugly face and me constantly trying to get away.

I often wonder, if I got to sleep next to someone each night, if my mind would rest easier. I yearn to move out on my own, but being alone would be too tempting at times to hang myself like I have planned.

I just want peace. To be content.

I feel like a hopeless woman though.

this might be the song I listen to as I drift off

I’m feeling quite suicidal right now. Maybe in the morning I won’t feel as bad, but right now…

My cat is just laying on my chest while I cry about being alive still.

I’m starting to believe my diagnosed illnesses are treatment resistant. 3 years of medication after medication, and therapy, and one very shitty stay in the psych ward. I’m seriously debating ECT. Has anyone tried it?

I’d wished I was a psychopath or something, because they don’t really… feel anything. And I don’t mean the ones who go about killing.

I hate that I’ve fallen in love with someone whom I may never have a chance with. I might, but I’ve learned to not get my hopes up. The ***** is he loves me too, but due to both our current situations… can’t be anything. More than friends, less than lovers. I hate it.

I’m not sure who of you suffer from ptsd, from whatever set of events… but because I have the joy of dealing with this demon… sleep, sound sleep, is […]

It seems like forever I was last on here. Some of you, if you’re still around God willing, hopefully remember me as Buscetti. My name is also Gianna.

I met some really amazing people on here. One in particular I remember. He was just the greatest guy. I never met him in person, seeing as we were worlds apart, but I still missed him like I hadn’t seen him in ages. Sometimes I want to reach out again and say hello, but never know if I should.

My life now is a lot different than it was 3 years ago, when I was first hospitalized. A lot […]