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I don’t care anymore.

Things are getting out of hand.

But I don’t care anymore.

My mom and dd have been divorced since I was 2.

Now my dad is working on my mom and I’s new house.

He is talking to my mom.

And they are getting along.

He is mean to me.

He treats me like trash.

I don’t care anymore.

I’m going to dish back exactly how he treats me.

I’m sick of looking up to someone who has no respect for me.

When I have always shown […]

Every time I attempt to kill myself..

And I fail..

Is God saving me?

Or am I just a failure..

And doing something wrong..

I like to think God is saving me..

But in reality i’m just doing something wrong.

Am I being saved?

I don’t get it. What did I ever do? My dad says he loves me. But saying “I Love You” and meaning “I Love You” are big differences. Why can’t he love me and accept me. I’m his only daughter. His oldest of of two kids. I’m supposed to be his little girl… Why can’t he love me, why can’t he talk to me, why can’t he hug me, why can’t he tell me nice things, why can’t he be there for me…I just don’t get it.

He says i betrayed him.

I lived with him for 15 years, and our problems were getting worse and worse. […]

I can’t take back, what we never had.

I can’t take back the mistakes I made.

I can’t take back the things I’ve said.

I can’t take back the pain.

I can’t take back the fighting.

I can’t take back the hurt.

I can’t take back…

Anything.

Everything happens for a reason.

You can move on,

or,

you can forgive but never forget.

Can you?

Will you?

Forgive me…

Everyday.

Everyday I feel like giving up.

Why don’t I just give up right now?

Because,

Something, or someone’s holding me back.

Who? Or What?

That’s a good question..

That I wish I knew I had the answers to.

I’m broken.

I can’t be fixed.

A girl can only take so much..

I can only take so much.

I’ve had enough.

I want to give up.

But I have to stay strong.

For my family & My friends.

It doesn’t just affect us. It affects everyone around us.

Where’d you go?

Why’d you leave me?

Was it something I said?

Was it something I did?

Was it my fault?

Did I deserve it?

Do I deserve it?

Why me?

Why’d you have to leave me?

Alone?

You left me alone..

You promised you’d never leave..

And that you’d always be there.

Why’d you leave?

These things go through my mind, all day, all night…

Just why?

Answer me that..

I’m trying to figure out this life..

Is anyone trying to find me?

Does anyone want me?

Why is everything so confusing?

Can someone help me?

Be by my side?

Hold my hand?

Guide me through the dark?

Someone?

Anyone?

I hate when people look at me.

Even a glance.

Just a peek.

I hate it.

I feel like they can see right through me.

Like they are judging me.

I wish I could put a paper bag over my head.

Or a mask over my face.

I feel like people are laughing at me.

I feel like people whisper about me.

I hate when people look at me.

I feel like they are thinking how ugly I am.

I feel like they are thinking bad things about me.

I […]

I don’t know what..

But something is wrong.

I can’t stop shaking.

I can’t eat.

I feel like I’m slowly dying.

It all happened out of the blue..

I don’t know what to do.

I think something is wrong..

I stopped caring.

I stopped loving.

I stopped worrying.

I stopped asking.

I stopped playing.

I stopped taking my medication.

I stopped talking to my friends.

I stopped..

I wanna hide.

From everyone.

My friends.

My Family.

My enemies.

I wanna hide from the world.

I never wanna show my face again.

I wanna stay in a dark room.

And never come out.

I wanna be alone..forever.