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roojay13

My name is Roo, (a pen name) I’m 26 years old and I’m from Newcastle in the North East of England. I have had a rather traumatic life by my own standards although when I look back now over the years I’ve realised I have changed so much and I blame a lot of the things that happened to me for the way I have turned out. After all we are literally the sum of our experiences. I created this blog because a long time ago I was told that writing about the bad things in your life gets it all out of your head. I was told that it would help me to sleep at night knowing it was all out there and not just sitting in my head waiting for me to churn it over and over. Well here it is, some of it anyway. I’ve decided that am going to write as much and as often as I can. There’s a lot to cover. So If you read this and would like to comment it would be greatly appreciated, I really do love feedback. Roo ;-)

Living Is Hard To Do : Depression

by roojay13
written by roojay13

 

     As I’ve spoken about in previous posts, I’ve had depression, anxiety and paranoid delusions for most of my life and it’s not easy to live with, especially the depression.

     For me, at 11 years old it began with a deep sadness that just never seemed to lift.  It spiralled pretty quickly and I began to spend an awful lot of time alone in my bedroom.  I felt as though I was the loneliest person in the world because nobody could really relate to what I was feeling.  The thing that got to me most was that some people would say things like, “you’re […]

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Grieving

by roojay13
written by roojay13

      Something that I’ve learned recently is that when somebody very close to you passes away, the process of grieving that we human go through never really goes away and it can come back at any moment and smack you down hard.

 

     On July 24th 2008, the day after my 23rd birthday, my dad was diagnosed with ‘Small Cell Lung Cancer’ and it was devastating to my family.  He’d had a pain in his shoulder and when he had  gone to the doctors they suspected pneumonia.  With the confirmation of cancer, he was told they could not cure it but could prolong his […]

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Bigotry

by roojay13
written by roojay13

     A bigot is defined in the online Oxford English Dictionary as:

a person who has very strong, unreasonable beliefs or opinions about race, religion or politics and who will not listen to or accept the opinions of anyone who disagrees.

Why do such people still exist in this world? Haven’t we, as a race, grown up into our adulthood yet, the civilised versions of our cave dwelling former selves? I’m thinking no.

A few weeks ago, while walking to visit my grandparents, my partner and I happened to pass by a group of older teens who were talking about the young man and woman who’d […]

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Seventh Time Unlucky

by roojay13
written by roojay13

Over the course of my short 26 years of life, I have attempted suicide on no less than 8 occasions.

From the age of 11, I was bullied at school, tormented and tortured by grown men who’d wait for me after school and not to mention the troubles I was working through at home and struggling to admit the fact that I am gay, even to myself.

All of this plus a few other reasons landed me in therapy.

From the age of 11 onwards I saw one psychotherapist after another and I’ve been on so many medications that it’s hard to be certain of the exact number. […]

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