Dearest Friends and Family,
First let me tell you that I love you, and it is this love that has kept me here for the time that I have been alive. It is not because I have lost my way, or that I no longer respect and appreciate all the things you have ever done for me. I end my life today because I have reached the end of the road. Why continue when there are no maps, no signs and no one to walk with me along the way? I don’t expect you to understand this, nor do I want you to try and answer […]
If only I could meet her now…
A girl that see’s me for my troubles and doubts.
Someone willing to reach out their hand to me, help me out of this mess.
I’ve created it for myself, this world of hurt I call my life.
So far any sort of opportunity or chance at redemption has never come my way.
I fight alone, and sure I got friends but when I need them the most…they’re never there.
Can’t tell you how many times I dream of a life where I’m happy.
No shit too, I’ll have dreams where I am with her again.
But she’s always out of my reach.
No matter what I […]
Just a thought, but does any one else feel the weight of your future, and notice how light it is? Do you feel like whatever lies in front of you will be so minuscule that it’s not really worth fighting for such a small success? I don’t know, call me a whiny ***** but I can’t really get my mind off of it lately. I guess I give off the same vibes as any other depressed, jobless sonofabitch. But I can’t say I blame me, or anyone else for feeling that way. When you get sucked into a state of depression, or are overpowered by your […]
The dark will consume you, you know that right?
What do I do about it? How do I make it stop?
Make it stop? It is what is called an inevitable outcome, the bi-product of a hatred you have built for years. You can’t just choose to forget the past, when it wants you, it will come for you.
But I only ever meant to know why, never for a sinful desire to be fulfilled…I promise I am not a bad man.
But that is not what you tell yourself at night, it’s not the prayer you recite in your head throughout the day.
No…I suppose it isn’t.
Correct, it is […]
This place gives me writer’s block. I fucking hate working here. I’ll post later. For now I’m so blocked it’s not even funny.
I tried to write something meaningful, but my head hurts so fucking bad that I’m afraid I must retire for the night. Goodnight everyone. Sleep well if you can.
When did you ever leave?
I didn’t
Where the fuck are you?
I’m still here
I’m going to let go
But you can’t…can you
No I guess I can’t let her go. I never have been able to. I still hold her hand in mine, I still look into her eyes, I still hear her voice in my head. I can still feel her presence…as if she’s standing next to me. Is she? Am I crazy? Am I ever going to be able to forget? No Rory you can’t let her go can you, you weak fuck. […]
“Rory, what’s the weather like in that head of yours?”
“In my head?”
“Yes, what’s the weather like?”
“The weather is…ill.”
“And by ill, you mean?”
“I mean…the weather does not bode well for how I’d rather be feeling.”
“So what you’re saying is, you would like to be happy but thoughts prevent you from such happiness?”
“Sure, you sound like you already knew that.”
“To an extent, but I’d like to hear it from you. Tell me all about this ‘weather’.”
“It’s cloudy, like it usually is. I can’t see or feel the sun against my skin. I can’t hear the birds singing. I can’t smell anything but the inevitable rain soon to […]
I get told quite often that I’m a humble man. I’m only 20, but maybe this rings true to my personality. Why though? I think it’s because of all the shit that’s been thrown at me for as far back as I can remember. All the bullying, all the death and loss, all the yelling. I always wanted it to go away, to end and never once start up again. A futile request…I know.
But I think that is what has made me humble. Because I can’t care anymore. No matter how much I try to muster up an ounce of fucks to give about […]
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