Sometimes I wonder why I am who I am, why I’m here, why no one in this world gives a fuck about me. But right now, I don’t care. I’m happy, not because of something that happened, or something that will happen, but because I choose to be. Happy isn’t really the right word. Content. Calm. Or defeated. At peace. Take your pick of words that describe this emotion, or lack of emotion, but I’m not empty.
I will never be pretty, or smart, or charasmatic. People will never like me very much, and I won’t like them. But for some reason, it doesn’t matter […]
A blade to my wrist
Like a flame to a fire
The reflection of the white light
The forever emptiness saying goodbye
Filled the hole with pain
Filled the empty with blood
The pain consumes me but I don’t want to stop
The darkness torments but I won’t open my eyes
The light blinds but I won’t turn away
This is my fate
My fate and mine alone to face
I’m sorry. I’m really sorry that I lied. I’m sorry I couldn’t face the truth and covered it up. I’m sorry I tried to hide everything so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the full truth.
Mom and dad… I’m sorry I couldn’t be that perfect daughter. I’m sorry that I don’t get good grades and panic while in public. I’m sorry I let myself get beat up. I’m sorry I don’t tell you things anymore. I’m sorry I didn’t try to help you when I knew things were getting tough. I’m sorry I fight with my brothers. […]
I tried to kill myself last night. I tied a noose, hung it off my ceiling, and tried to hang myself. I would be dead right now if the rope were stronger. I wish I was dead right now.
Sometimes I feel like I’m pretty and smart but then I look in the mirror and every name I’ve ever been called just comes flashing back to me and I try to be strong but I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t want to deal with this anymore, I don’t want to be me anymore. I tried reaching out to someone in real life but she thought I was kidding and she doesn’t understand. She’s never felt like this for a day in her life. I understand that I’m not the only one to feel like this, but I’m the only one here, where I […]
She was 15 years old. I didn’t know her that well but I knew her well enough to know she deserved better. She was a good person. Smart, funny, kind, maybe a bit shy at times, and an amazing person. She went to a private school on a scholarship, and she deserved to. She committed suicide, and I can understand why. I know that feeling like there is nothing in the world that could possibly make you feel good. Like there isn’t a person or animal who cares if you live or die. I just hope she is happy now. Rest in peace Charlotte Anna […]
Crashing
Books flying through the air
Sharp swords of words slashing across the room
Arrows of steel pulsing into each other’s hearts
Yelling screaming
Pushing grabbing
Shoving to the ground
A fight worthy of an arena
Children scurry to their rooms
Father and son
Yelling confused screamsÂ
Abandoning their dinner
Rushing to their roomÂ
As to not getting caught in vicious crossfire
Turn the music loud
Block out the sound of doors slammingÂ
As they take the fight outside
Neighbors watch in horror
As father and son duke it out
Taking out their anger on one another
Until one lies crying on the floor
As […]
Things will never get better. Not for anyone. You won’t get through this, it is not some phase. This is your life and it’s time to accept it. You will never be happy, you will never feel complete. The shit that happened to you happened for a reason. Not to make you stronger, but to make you weaker. To show you that you are not in control. We are not in control, and it is not getting better, stop trying to fool yourself.Â
Don’t make fun of me, I wrote this in like two seconds and it’s horrible but it made me feel better so I don’t care and if anyone makes fun of me I will be very upset. Like anyone cares, but still.
This is me crying
This is me sobbing
For the things I gave up
For the things I left behind
This is me looking up
And realizing I’m at the end
This is me turning back
And wanting to start again
Those are the hands holding me back
The laughter I face
The horror stopping me
That is the doorway I need to […]