Lately, I’very been putting together a bucket list of things I would do if tomorrow didn’t exist or there would be no tmorrow very soon. Some activities appear normal while some are batsh*t insane. Deeds where the worst of my actions would leave me shame or embarrassment, or the greatest acts of kindness would present some of the best things I could offer those around me. Most things I have on that list show how selfish I can be, and the remainder show how selfless I am depending on the scenario. I suppose, if I am selectively selfless, wouldn’t that still make me selfish since […]
We are all born, for the most part, knowing absolutely nothing about where we are or why we came into existence. When we grow old enough, we eventually learn of the inevitable mortality we will all face; we all discover there is an end to life. Sometimes, I go to sleep and wake up wondering what’s after all of this existence. I grew up living within the structure of a Christian denomination, which presents the possibility of ending up in either Heaven or Hell, depending on how unjust or just of a life I lead. On the flip side, as I’m sure many have, I […]
It has been awhile since I thought about something remotely close to the end of my life cycle, but I don’t think I can see that far ahead. I doubt anyone can, unless, of course, one is terminally ill and the end is really nigh. In fact, things in my life have been so randomly confusing or misleading, that sometimes, it feels better to keep my eyes closed; to look inward beyond the void of nothingness; to find a piece of serenity through meditation; to feel the weightlessness of sleep only to wake up in what appears to be a dream. Sometimes, I wake up […]
It’s 2014 and I can’t say I feel anything “new” about it. These days, which fly by ridiculously fast, a new year really signifies how much I still haven’t done or accomplished. Every year I make it to the next day, I begin to see the clouds in the sky that used to be a bright, beautiful blue during the day. At night, the clouds still appear overhead, instead of the bright, shiny stars I once thought to shoot for over long distances. Over three decades or so on this planet, and I would assume by now I would have more clarity in my perspective of this world, as […]
These days, my life is insignificant in the eyes of those once important to me. I was once a single-serving entity. Now, I am nothing more than distant memories of what used to be; the whole “shadow of former self” complex, which was and is, itself, a single-serving disposition.
Though it shouldn’t be such a surprise, people are often single-serving towards one another. The cab driver takes you from your house to the airport; the telemarketer stoically asks you how often you drink milk on weekdays; the flight attendant idiotically smiles as she asks you what you would like to drink […]
I’ve never felt more alone than I do now. Some days, including this one, I think I’m bi-polar. I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but it wouldn’t amaze me if I was. I repel people more than I compel any form of welcome, probably because of the anger I constantly wear on my sleeves, or my lifeless stare that can become intimidating once I move my eye brows in the right, or perhaps, the wrong direction. These eyes of mine can look just as puzzled as anyone else pondering why I look so angry and full of disgust all the time. […]