Well, here I am in the middle of the night again after another typically fruitless, frustrating day. I struggle to get scraps of work in the only two vocations I have…commercial graphics and photography. Clients have simply disappeared despite my best efforts. What I don’t get is that my stuff pisses all over most of the material I see and I can’t get anyone to hire me at a wage any better than that of a janitor…or they want a degree, screw my experience. And the people who know NOTHING about my business are the first to offer “advice.” Ridiculous, insulting and just puts me […]
I don’t know where to go with this. I don’t even know that the details are worth it. Especially the past year, every time I make a little progress – work, finances, friendships – that and more are ripped from me.
What the fuck did I do that I’m always being punished? What I did – as though I had control over it – was that I was born. I survived physical, verbal, emotional and sexual abuse. I’ve survived HIV. I’ve survived losing everything including my home just over a decade ago. And it’s really time to end this nonsense. I’ve known for a while how […]
Like so many of us, I’ve nowhere to go with this. But I need to post somewhere. Briefly, I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, an HIV survivor and had a heart attack a year ago. Now I’ll probably have to do the hospital again.
In the past few days I’ve had an increasingly painful ache under my right ribcage that becomes worse if I try to roll over in bed or cough. Suddenly this afternoon, almost without warning, I felt like I’d been stabbed there, fell out of my office chair, against the desk and briefly passed out. I’m not one for drugs – no, […]
I don’t know why I keep going unless it’s out of habit. I long ago passed the point where I can even pretend to be dealing with the daily pain. Raised in an abusive home, sexually abused in high school, and HIV+. I’ve struggled for decades to deal with my depression. I’ve struggled to maintain an occupation for which I’ve sometimes received professional recognition, but now no one’s interested. I’m ignored. Never a word when I respond to a job posting…or they want to humiliate me further by paying me Burger King wages. As a Boomer, I guess I’m now too old. As productive as […]