last night i took a knife, went up to a nice quiet spot on the hills, rolled a spliff and proceeded to not cut myself. i’ve still not. since i “broke” the other day i’ve been cutting a LOT. but last night… last night i said no. and i’m still saying no 🙂
fuck you SI!
i write out this poem
with a blade not a scribe
the ink keeps on flowing
for my next diatribe
i hate you, i hate you
you ridiculous ****
i wish to bid you adieu
so let me be blunt
you disgust me, you’re vile
and i can’t get away
you get me so riled
with all that you say
the thought of your death
it fills me with glee
drawing last breaths
i realise you’re me
my heart shatters and breaks, clatters and shakes,
i’m still not quite sure how much more i can take,
you leave me half-mad and weak, so bad i can’t speak,
i know i can’t deal with all the havoc you wreak
i’m left babbling and crying, dabbling and trying
to keep my head above water, i feel that i’m dying,
it’s not pleasant or grand, at present or planned,
but i’d give up my all for a hold of your hand.
your perfume on the bedclothes
your words are in my head
you spoke and all of my blood froze
if only it was solid now.
your clothes speak softly to me
the voices in my head
all is well and you are free
if only i was solid now.
your voice rings hollow, true
and echoes in my head
i see the pain that i’ve caused you
and i don’t feel so solid now.
the future hangs uncertain, lost
and i know what’s right in my head
i must give back, whatever the cost
it’s the only thing that’s solid now.
after like 8 month without cutting last night i went totally overboard and made myself pass out. fuck. and now i’m gonna be stuck in the fucking cycle, fucking again, all because of a fucking girl
i’m a 21-year-old manchild from just outside manchester, uk who’s spent the last 8ish years of my life transient, in and out of psych wards, homeless, squatting and at one point actually being a productive member of society with a job and a rental agreement. ha.
i first knew i was different when i was around 13. my parents were splitting up. i felt nothing. literally, nothing. none of the usual guilt children feel. not angry, not sad. nothing. my dad left, and my mum started drinking and getting into some serious dickhead guys. tried to make her see how much it was hurting her. so […]
roses bloom and earth is torn
new growth is sickly sweet and warm
old friend again i bid you leave
the ground is salted, the heart is cleaved
the shears cut just a little deep
the earth stumbles, falters, goes to sleep
a cold wind blows, the flora tremble
winter nears, the leaves assemble
raindrops fall on flower bed
all is blackened, all is dead.
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