I am obviously perfect. I am the best person possible.
I am the most talented person who ever lived. Not being able to do anything well is the most important and amazing ability anyone could have.
I am the most handsome and good looking person ever. Who could ever say lazy eyes, thick messy hair, big head, giant thighs stomach and face, and an annoying voice is ugly?
I am the nicest and sociable person ever. Everyone loves how I say the most awkward things possible and the blank looks they give me mean they think I am the greatest person ever.
This doesn’t work at all.