okay so where do i even begin? I guess ill just start with my family before i even go into detail about me. My mother has a terrible medical history, and she passes out or blacks out many times and during this sometimes she falls and busts her head, which as you can imagine, this is very stressful and would be for anyone. Imagine being anywhere from 6-13 and seeing this is pretty traumatic. My mother cannot control these, and cannot wake herself from these spells on her own. She has had many stitches. My father is a pathological liar. He was in the army, […]
I’m sick of this. I found someone who I love, and she’s been incredible enough to let me into her life. It’s not easy for her, because of her past, but she managed to let me become a large part of her life, before deciding she needed to focus on herself, and couldn’t sustain any sort of relationship. I’m okay with that.
What I’m not okay with is the fact that her past doesn’t stay in her past. She’s been abused since she was a child. She has PTSD and anxiety and depression because of it. She flashes back, she relives that pain constantly, she never […]
What’s the difference with someone saying and being suicidal to someone who just says what the fuck I want to not endure no more pain and just does it. Like thank fuck I can vent because I’m soo suicidal. I’m in the not care stage can’t see any way out and time will just make me worse and worse and worse until I can’t cry become emotionless and not feel or care for anything. Fuck society just fuck society. When I had a psychotic break I swore at a police officer well actually i called him a pedofile but i was mentally deranged out of […]
alone and seen by nobody
she walks silently on the road
with only pain to keep her company.
she gives,
and they take,
as always.
noise comes to assault her
and she trembles,
but she is only here
to be brutalized
no one cares
for her brain.
she grows up to plod along
the sides of roads
every cruel mistake
torturing her mind.
everything set up
to make her blame
and hate
only herself,
the child is not allowed
to be angry
at the man.
she looks for love desperately
but in this world
finds nothing
but more pain.
judgment, rejection
no one can see the pain
behind the rage.
no one.
they leave her
and tell her it is because
she is not good enough
for them.
guilt a-plenty consumes her
but no one sees her
no one at all
and soon […]
I’ve had a pretty rough life. From the time I was born I could tell I was unwanted. My mom and dad went to work and left me with the baby sitter day after day. They’d just come home, not even glance at me, and go to sleep. I didn’t mind that though. As long as my parents were asleep they weren’t fighting. Their fights were bad. They would yell, scream, kick, and fight. It was awful. I can remember countless nights where I would hide under my bed behind my box of hotwheels praying to whatever god existed that they would just stop fighting. […]
I’m at breaking point again. I fell off the rails big time 2 years ago after I was sexually assaulted twice by two different people in 3 months. It took me a while to get back on my feet. I have been to see psychologists and councillors all of which who have different diagnosis and long waiting lists. I thought I could do this by myself but I can’t, whenever I am reminded of either assault in any way I freak out. I’m scared all the time, I’m scared of boys, I shake all the time, I can’t do public transport, I’m just lost.
I’m 23 […]
“People pontificate, “Suicide is selfishness.” Career churchmen like Pater go a step further and call in a cowardly assault on the living. Oafs argue this specious line for varying reason: to evade fingers of blame, to impress one’s audience with one’s mental fiber, to vent anger, or just because one lacks the necessary suffering to sympathize. Cowardice is nothing to do with it – suicide takes considerable courage. Japanese have the right idea. No, what’s selfish is to demand another to endure an intolerable existence, just to spare families, friends, and enemies a bit of soul-searching.â€
Covering your ears to prevent the assault of my screams
You don’t want to acknowledge the betrayal
Just the self righteous smile plastered smugly on your face
Now it’s time for the tables to turn
Time for you to feel how badly this burns
Through my heart, through my soul
And now that all is lost, especially my self control
I want you to know my pain
I want you to feel it dripping down your face
I want you to taste it on your lips
I hope you like what you see
Because you’re the one that did this to me
I just wanna say Wow. And I wanna hold my breathe and I wanna pinch myself cause I must be dreaming. Today my mom tried to choke me, and my sister broke it up. We called the cops and my mom was charged with Agrivated Assault and Domestic Violence and will be attending court Monday or Tuesday morning. After and during this thing is over she will never be eve to see me again. And also there was enough picture take , my neck was bruised. So minus my neck Im proud to say things are looking up   higurashi no naku koro ni dear […]
You Me At Six – Tigers And Sharks
Emarosa – Heads or Tails Real Or Not
10 – Short Stories With Tragic Endings
Sunlight creeps in through the gaps in the window blinds, covering the room in alternating strips of brilliant radiance and undefined shadow. It bares resemblance to this life. Fulgent memories of pain and suffering, with unremarkable and colorless […]
A chain made of halos from fallen angels binds me to the darkness
An existence subdued by the malignance that stalks from within
The pain envelops me, wringing out these last few drops of hope
Unspoken torment feasts on the binding of my soul
Shadows lurking in the corners of my mind, undetected, waiting for my weakest moment
The assault, like a flame to paper, is instant and unforgiving
That bright flicker soon gives way to the smoking ash of defeat
The remnants of my rumination scatter in the wind
The ghost of a breath, […]