I have competed come off all my medications. Wellbutrin, cipralex and seroquil. I was monitored by my dr as I need to know if I am feeling is way because it who I ultimately am or if the medications had any negative effects. I believe that medications awe necessary for extreme circumstance but let me tell you the withdrawals from these meds that are supposedly meant to help are hell. It took over a month to even start to feel a tad normal. I was shaky, dizzy, nauseous, I couldn’t control my body temp, I’d sweat one minute freeze the next. I had insomnia and […]
Tag:
body
I’ve been struggling with my body for so long. Ever since I was a little girl, I was always the “fattest” kid around. I got made fun of a lot, but I moved on, as a little child would. Now it’s worse. I can’t stare at myself in a mirror for longer than 2 seconds. I have gotten bullied by others, for being ugly and fat. I have no friends. At school I am the last pick for everything, and everyone hates me. I try to be nice to everyone, but for every nice thing I say twenty bad things are said about me. I […]
darkness envelopes my body as I lay stiff
while my mind is set adrift
my eyes stare straight ahead to the ceiling
as the blade cuts I still don’t have no feelings
petty and sorrow is all that lasts in this world
of mine I wish I can blow away and let the wind
take me away …..
But it sucks seeing my ex bf marrying some girl he managed to replace me with so quickly. I mean come on dude you’re 19 and you’re ready to spend the rest of your life with her? It makes me lol and want to cry at the same time.
I doubt any man is gonna want a woman with scars all over her body though =.=
Any of you feel the same way? I want someone in my life to help me along my goal to getting my survivor’s mentality back.
But I now also have a problem with the whole love life thing because of […]
When you cant seem to sleep at night,
because the stress is just eating at your mind.
And you know, that this body of yours has taken such a toll.
I can no longer tell the difference of what is just in my mind and what’s reality.
Whether it’s from the drugs, alcohol, or lack of sleep,
I’m just 2 parts broken and 3 parts fucked up.
But I really wish they knew.
I wish they knew how I deal with it all.
And if they knew my last resort was the sharp point of my paintbrush.
If they knew I painted delicate lines on the […]
I tried to tell
They don’t listen
I tried to yell
They kept me prisoned
Everyday
I wake up the same
Open both eyes to see if I’m still afraid
Waiting to just go away
I keep living
Pretending everything’s okay
Every night
I go to bed the same
Squeeze both eyes
as they pour out all my pain
Am I going insane?
Until that moment
That my body can’t bear the pain
And I just fall asleep to stay sane
And then one day
I never got the night
To pour out all my pain
the cuts on my body did the same
As it took my […]
Once long ago, I trod upon a forgotten path. A withered, earthen, lonely thing. A disarray of crumbled stones, wispy cobwebs and a feral forest of rife undergrowth. My besotted mind was dull and addled; undaunted by this road of such a stifling ominous air. Drunk with my own relentless despair I stumbled through this foreboding path with the grace of a crippled cat. I know not when but quickly I saw my world contort, and twist with alarming intensity. My awareness was snatched by a sudden trance; my conscious smothered by gripping delusions, phantoms and nightmares galore. Before me unrolled the intricate fabric and […]
All I seem to do is fuck up everything… Where do I even start? I don’t know. My head is spinning, and my body aches and if I stand the dizziness will knock me down. I don’t even know what to do with myself. My teachers tell me how I’ll make it far in life, yet I’m unable see it. Once they know I’m suicidal they’ll get the stupid counselor involved and they’ll realize how the weak cowardly freshman will never accomplish anything they once thought she would. People around me can’t keep their mouths shut, they always have something to say. I’m tired of […]
So for about three years I’ve always wanted to kill myself, the thought never goes away, I tried everything to get it out of my head but nothing works..I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom, feels like I’m locked up in chains
please, how do I get this feeling away, how do I live a happier live witbout the consumption of poisons into my body, I’m lohelp my mind is slowing dying, my soul slowly vanishing, please help.
I’m a twenty two year old girl, no I am not a lesbian, nor am I bi-sexual. I am however trapped in the closet. My plastic bag over the head method failed me for the last time. I couldn’t control my body from ripping out of the handcuffs and ripping the bag off of my face. Sheer willpower wasn’t cutting it.
So, I’m trapped in the closet. Its a tiny closet that I’ve locked myself inside and am hoping to pass away in. If I’m lucky I won’t be awakened to my sad life in the morning. If I’m lucky this small, tight limited oxygenated […]
the only thing multiple overdoses, slicing my body to shreds And smacking my head against walls has done is bring negativity. any problems of insecurity I had have gotten worse from the amount of scars I have and the vomiting has fucked my body shape. the overdosing has made me get sick often and feel “not all there”.
not only is my physical body suffering from that but my soul is to. The more you lose the battle the more of yourself you lose… And all I can say is from the time I’ve spent reading, meditating.. this isn’t as bad as it gets.. I can […]
I’ve recently been told that I could possibly have bipolar disorder. I looked it up, and it sounds similar to what I experience. This isn’t the first time I’ve been told that I have some sort of depression, I’ve heard friends talk about me or even tell me to my face that I should get it checked out. I always try to look my best and happiest when I’m around others but sometimes it apparently either looks too fake and they know something is wrong or they just catch me off guard. I have mood swings, but I’m 17! I thought that was normal. […]
My whole body mind heart craves and yearns for death . Â Sweet death. Â i need it like I need air…. Â Help me pls
My back hits the door
My body sliding down to the floor
As I listen for the nightly fight.
The yells, the screams make me want to leave
Leave forever, never to return
Life gone forevermore.
The razors, the pills
They whisper to help,
to help relieve me from this pain and loneliness;
It’s only the matter of which and when.
Are any of you depressed people experiencing not only depression, sorrow, and boredom of life but also HORROR? Is anyone experiencing trauma and panic from existing in a cruel and violent world? Afraid to wake up in the morning, afraid to exist, afraid of gods and devils? Do you feel like you are living in a horror movie? Fear of someone torturing you? For me life feels like the movie Saw with God being Jigsaw. I am trapped in a very evil body and if I want to get out, I have to literally cut myself out or do some other gruesome thing in which […]
So my issues with being suicidal are somewhat complicated. Well, everyone’s are. Does anyone else have a chronic illness? I was diagnosed with M.E at age 13. More commonly known as chronic fatigue syndrome, that is however a pathetic name for something as debilitating as I have. I cycle through extremely bad times and not so bad times. The extremely bad times, like now consist of not being able to stand up for more than a minute, feeling the most overwhelming exhaustion the human body is capable of, not being able to shower or feed myself and being very depressed. The not so bad times […]
Whether you want to be buried, cremated or idk, what would you like your ideal funeral to be like? (Assuming you’d want one)
For me, it’d be small and intimate. I’ve told my family one million times, I’d much rather be cremated. I think it’s cheaper and more environmentally-friendly. No viewing, in my opinion, would be necessary. Just remember  me the way I was. Nothing fancy.
Ideally, I’d like my ashes to be thrown into some body of water–which one? I really don’t care.
How about for you all?
My half or so the one i stole the body from torments me. She screams at me. She uses imeges of others against me. At five i replaced her sole with mine… im sorry.
I just want to go and forget everything. I just want to vanish out of thin air without a trace.
If you have recently lost someone to suicide, you might feel the following…
You will cry for perhaps hundreds of days on end. You might suffer severe sleep deprivation or sleep too much.
You may blame a lot of people, become extremely angry and vent on a lot of people.
You will probably be very unhappy with how people treat you in that they will avoid and ignore you as they cannot cope with the situation themselves, especially family who might isolate you as they do themselves.
There will be many unanswered questions.
The relief is, that if you are able to digest what has […]
Hi,
I’m thinking ’bout it again, it’s like a dream ’bout dying. You know just to forget everything, the stress is just to much.
I’m sure I will cut again, but still gonna go to school tomorrow.
When I tell someone what is happening to me, they just have those eyes that are cold and painful to watch.
I hate to open up to people.
I so wanna end all of it.
But there is the guilt, what are my family and close friends gonna think and fell?
I just want my blood to flow out of my body, drop after drop.
And maybe the gushing out part is gonna be the best!
I […]