In the last week or two, I have been taken to the hospital for breaking down in class and revealing my suicide plan to the guidance councillor. I could say that I was surprised, but I wasn’t. The moment I said, “the fact of the matter is that I am suicidal,” I knew I was screwed. So, my parents were notified and I was shown the doors of the ER. However, I was able to avoid admittance, if only barely, by bravely lying my way out. On the exact same day I planned to kill myself, I smiled, laughed, and maintained my composure. So it’s only […]
Tag:
Confluence
I don’t know.
Am I alive? It’s hard to say.
This is what I know. There is something which refers to itself as “I,” and this something exists. “I” can see systems at work everywhere. Processes running to accomplish various goals, some for no reason at all, and everything feeds and retrieves virtual information from everything else.
Other people do not exist. Only mapped neural networks which grow and branch out, and feed virtual information to other mapped neural networks, and retrieve virtual information from other mapped neural networks. Society is the system of all such mapped neural networks. It is the overall mapping of these neural networks.
This […]
A week from today, I will end my life. I have known for better than 20 years that my end would come by my own hand. Now it is time. While I am both heart-broken and depressed, I also realize that I no longer have the capacity to contribute to the world at large, much less to those I love, in any meaningful way. I’ve known for roughly five years that the confluence of events over the course of my now 46 years were heading in this direction. I’ve sunk ever so slowly into a situation that makes my ability to continue, impossible.
A month ago, […]