doing this on a phone messed up guess thats another sign of what i been telling myself for years

I am 35. I am in a loveless marriage going nowhere with two beautiful children. I have thought of suicide vert deeply for a very long time. My first attempt was at 8 years old. My parents abandoned me bla bla needles to say i have my issues. I have no family, no one to help as the government seems to think its ok to have an autistic child wait five months longer than scheduled for back pay. My home is in dire need of repair and i just want my son to have a safe, fun, loving enviornment