I want to fly off the side of one of these beautiful mountains cause Neverland lies at the bottom and for a brief moment I’ll remember what it feels like to be free.
Dear mother,
I really really don’t like you. But I’m trying hard not to say “I hate you.” But thank you so much for making my life a living hell sometimes. Thank you so much for making me go into actual depression. Thank you so much for controlling my life. Thank you so much for threatening to punish me for the things I don’t do, instead of thanking me for the stuff that I actually do for you. And the list can continue. But instead of continuing, I’m just going to say you’re welcome for leaving you in the dark about all of this because there is no doubt that you are actually happier this way. […]
Vietnam, July 24
I just came back from one failed year studying in France. After one year, I realized that I didn’t study what I really wanted. So why, why did I go ?
The first thing my father noticed, when I stepped out the door of the aeroport, frustrated having to leave the solitude on the 12-hour flight, was that I did not greet him. He took no time to inform my mother about my misbehavior. A good child should «know your place», and I know that very well. But I hate good boys […]
I know sometimes you don’t want the seemingly useless advice people give you. That’s what I’ve seen anyway.
Im not a therapist; I myself am not in a decent state, but if you want to talk about anything and everything without constant advice feel free to contact me.
georgiahjones@googlemail.com
I HATE EVERYONE. This is not a fucking poem. Why am I still here… I feel a distant pain echoing in the caverns of my heart.
This life I am living is not a life at all. Despair and hopelessness, in 3 years I’ll be 30. Nothing to show for it. No stable job, no friends, nothing left but my insanity. I don’t wanna go on. Can’t wait until it’s over and I’m free
Over the past two years, things have been pretty rough.
I’m a fairly successful 40-something, a good job and a reasonable house. I enjoy some great hobbies and am pretty competent in a competetive sport.
However, I have recently lost both parents due to terminal illness and then, because I was unable to support her emotionally, my wife left me for another man. Somebody I knew.
We had been married for nine months.
She was significantly younger then me and, despite trying for a long time, was childless. We had been trying for much longer than we’d been married but it just wasn’t happening.
After she left me, I got […]
I’m alive.
And I’m free.
I’ve never been more free in my life.
It feels so good.
I suppose I should explain what happened when I stopped posting yesterday. Basically, the pills were making me really tired and weak. I was dying, basically. It was getting really hard to type, because the simple movements were taking all of my energy. So, I said goodbye to all of you, and I fell asleep. I’m pretty sure it was closer to dying rather then sleeping, but I didn’t know at the time; I was too weak. Anyway, I never moved my laptop from on top of me, because the movement […]
the lawn seems empty
the sky looks clear
the imminent danger
seems no where near
someone steps out
gun in hand
somebody runs
somebody stands
no one seems phased
he loads the gun
why do they walk
why don’t they run?
the sky turns red
and so does the road
somebody screams
as the blood starts to flow
the laws have crumbled
it’s a free for all
black is the trend
and decency falls
corpses lay mangled
in allies and streets
laying in stacks
and on the concrete
hanging from streetlights
and hanging from trees
nobody cares
as long as they bleed
if someone’s not hanging
they’re hanging others
from children and […]
SP caged-clown, of hell. Come see me, my humility. If you shall, come free me.
You don’t have to touch me, you can pull me with these chains tied to my body.
If you may, help me destroy it, so that I may live or die, in peace.
The zero child is piety. Air, turn me into rain. I say please.
Leader of humanity, Mankind. In bow, I plea to thee.
My truth. My cards. Illness and death. Two burning towers.
Indeed, I see and feel the world from upside-down. Indeed, it hurts the most of all.
Warped. The child of piety. The next five […]
It’s 6am here and I’ve been awake since 1am. I go to bed very early and love to get up and go on the computer during those blessed early morning hours when the rest of the world is asleep. That’s pretty much the only time I feel anything approaching to contentment and relaxation these days.
I’ve yanked up the pep pill dosage and have been rewarded with a little window of enjoyment. I know it will quickly be replaced with the anxieties, frustrations and despairing thoughts that every day now holds for me, so I might as well make the most of it.
My elderly ma is […]
2 months lost Inside a few small rooms, surrounded by rabid humans claiming they were helping me. Bastards, it was hell, but i’m finally free. Last thing i remember doing before was networking with you fine folk 🙂
….. But it’s been a while so i imagine everyone i spoke to on here is dead now 🙁
Still, How you guys doing ?????????
108 – 23- 815
In less than 24 hours it will be the one year anniversary of my suicide. Just typing that now the tears swell in my eyes. I’m left with multiple organ damage, some nerve damage and a dying heart valve that causes an arrhythmia. Memories that were so special are blurs and I’m but a shadow of my shadow. I meant every second of my suicide and it was the only time I’ve ever felt free. Free of pain: mentally, physically and emotionally. Free of fear, free from my past, free from the numbness and so alive that night is burned in me. The sensation was […]
I love it…
I love feeling the sharp pain as the razor slides across my skin and flesh,creating an opening…
I love the euphoric feelings that comes with every new cut…
I love feeling in control of myself…
I love mutilating myself,through cutting or any other way…
Basically,I only live to harm myself.Smoke as much as I can and hope I get lung cancer.Cut as long and deep as I can until I go to the ER to get fixed.Drink as much as I can,until I collapse into an alcoholic blackout and wake up 24 hours later…
I have learned to enjoy physical pain…As I said,it’s the only thing I keep […]
For me, the expression “you are your own worst enemy” holds a lot of truth. It’s a painful reality that much of what limits me in my life is my own feelings of unworthiness and self-hatred.
But where do these feelings come from? How do they influence us? And how can we push past them to live a life free of the harsh attitudes of our inner critic? I will never know.
I wonder if I’m mad.
At times I feel so content with life
and the next moment I’m loathing it.
I want to be special, that elite, that genius, that child prodigy,
And yet when I look back ,
all I want is a simple life , a simple home, and experience that simple happiness.
Depressing thoughts come swiftly in my mind,
whispering such tempting and soothing threats,
and only with it do I feel alive.
Am I twisted, a lunatic , a mad man for thinking such a thing?
It feels as though despair has becomed my only friend.
And without it I feel incomplete.
Despair, it is the black of the night,
and the night of […]
–If you are in a system you are not a free man( unless you are powerful, rich, influential)
–If you are out of system and living alone you don’t have a life( because life is real when shared)
–A human is not worth living if he don’t have a life
–Only action a human can do to get freedom is suicide
I need to heal, and travel to the icy end of the continent.
Humble, the express; no longer want to wait.
Come on, with the golden nimbus machine, summon the story of death.
Free my dying soul, forever to celestial. I am that I am, see with your eye.
A beast of hell. Who I am, an exiled human child. Faith is a haunted ghost.
Uttermost, gutter-most, oblivious. A beast of hell, a worldly.
Seven billion and nobody. Everyone, gone. All that is so much wrong.
Escape the world. Forever lost. Until the next saga.
Oracle of faith. Save me today.
I’m so tired.
I want to go to sleep and not wake up.
I take excessive amounts of sleeping pills just to escape reality. When I don’t have anything to help me sleep, I suffer from severe insomnia.
I can’t stop thinking about what’s happened in the last few years. It constantly rewinds and replays in my head. And since the punishment will be for a lifetime, there will be no relief – ever. How can I possibly make any sense out of this? No relief – ever? Why live? Why go on?
I’m numb.
I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the reflection. It’s like I’m looking […]
darkness consumes me, all of me. all i see is darkness. My mind is full of dark thoughts you see, all i want is to be set free. feeling this way all the times makes me even more depressed… i need to be saved or i need to go. i just wish that my parents loved me, i wish i didnt cut i wish i didnt depend on pills to make me feel better. i wish that i was differnt…
lot of other monkeys got attracted to it, and they also started to jump into the race
new monkeys are born to racing monkeys and they also started following parents
after some time, first group of monkeys died, remaining monkeys keep running in the race
after a long time a new monkey started asking why should a monkey’s  life wasted in the race like this?
no one has the answer.
Same way as humans don’t have answer for why they live