This morning, European time, I ventured out early to purchase a couple of things in readiness for my departure. It was a strangely unreal experience as I haven’t shopped during Christmas for many years….The last two years were spent in Afghanistan and other central Asian countries, I forgot what it would be like to walk amongst the throng of happy Santa’s and the annoying buzz of Christmas carols. I sat in the car park of a major toy store considering my first major step with this decision. It was a weird surreal moment walking to the front door, expecting to be confronted with smiling faces, […]
Tag:
Overwhelming Sense
I sit here wishing that I was someone else. Perhaps a quiet person who didn’t have these tendencies – ruthless, narcisistic, destructive, tenacious thoughts and feelings that make up a large part of my being.. Maybe I would be “better” if I was just able to be myself. The more time that passes always seems to push reality into the forefront, and unfortunately I’m pretty sure that it’s all gray matter. Why do I need to take things so far? Why can’t I control myself? Why Why Why do I have to be this person plauged with an overwhelming sense of manotany and a brain that tells me […]
I woke up with an overwhelming sense of indifference. It seems i cannot stop being unhappy.
I have broken my ankle and moved in with my brother (since my house i currently reside in has stairs). For a while i was very happy. For a while i was so happy it hurt. However depression and indifference always seems to find me.
I hate that my life seems so bi-polar. Up and down, up and down.
If anyone reads this and has a way of making me happy please comment.