i havent posted in about three years and its absolutely crazy how much has changed. i was a deeply depressed little girl but now im a mildy depressed teenager! great. Â Its weird how i can be the happiest ball of fucking light and next wanting to jump in front of a 16 wheeler. I have no friends that i have actual connections with. but hey not complaining cause i love being with myself. and another odd thing about myself which i still cant figure out is the fact that im vain as hell but loathe myself at the same damn time? I think im the […]
think
I was friends with a girl that was suicidal, but said she loved me. The cause for suicidal thoughts were… the fact that I am also a girl and people in small towns don’t accept lesbians very well, especially her own family. And although I accepted her and cared a lot for her, I am straight.  She was teetering back and forth between wanting life and wanting death, and she cut herself because of the pain. I asked her a question that I thought could fix the problem at the time because I had so many answers, I asked her; Do you have any goals in […]
I sit here thinking.. why couldn’t it have all been fine. It all started when i was around the age of 7. Mom got arrested. Dad wanted nothing to do with me. I felt lost, abandoned, unwanted, helpless, worthless, even forgotten. I didn’t know what to think or what was going on. Theres times now where i still feel lost, unwanted, and forgotten. Forgotten by the world, like no one ever even knew I existed. I go to school, just to get bullied on a daily basis. I sit and wonder what I did to deserve this, why is this even happening. Am I really […]
I used to think that I was strong, that nothing could break me. Untill one day when I was in 6th grade I was with my step dad and He raped me. I told my mom and she got mad at me and said I’m a liar and not to say anything to anyone. I couldn’t keep it in. It hurt me so much. I told my 5 closest friends, and I thiught I could trust them. I was wrong. They told everyone. I came back to school 2 weeks later and these girls said I wanted it and i was a slut […]
I had something to say, something clever and witty. Now I can’t even remember what it was. Like I’m losing track of my own mind. I’m good at my job, I think. But today, I couldn’t remember how to do even the basic stuff. And I really want to hit the voice in my head, even though that wouldn’t work, and it’s a stupid idea.
i want nothing but death
i have not told what i saw
oh dear! i think i am becoming god
ive offended mankind bcuz my work dint reach the quality it shud have –davin-c
why do u weep do u think i was immortal?
one last drink please
i hope i haven’t bored you
i die hard but am not afraid to do so
money can’t buy life
am bored with it all
last words are for foolish who haven’t said enough -marx
so i talked to my friends about our current “situation”. its so obvious they hate me right now. maybe its because they think i’m acting stupid or something, i don’t know. this is why i hate people. they never seem to understand whats wrong with me. they always force me to admit to my mistakes even though its their own fault too. what a friend.
I’m twenty-one year old guy from the UK. I have anxiety, I get depressed, and I have suicidal thoughts. I use to self-harm but don’t anymore. I also think I might have a personality and body dysmorphic disorder. I’m on a waiting list to see a psychologist, so hopefully that happens soon. I don’t usually talk depressingly with others, but I am more than willing to lend an ear if you wish to chat about things that are bothering you. It would be nice to also talk about things we like.I like outdoor activities, but I don’t get out much, partly due to anxiety and […]
Sometimes I think the world is so unfair. Like, why do people bully others and turn them down just to feel powerful? Why do people tell others to go and kill themselves and why even be mean to people? Like what the actual fuck?! SOCIETY MAKES ME SICK. My parents are horrible and you know how people say “Kids will be Kids”, its more like “Bad parenting results in Rebellious, Depressed, Suicidal children”. Its just my opinion so please don’t criticize me. But I just think that people should be nice to one another because who knows how they will take it and maybe they […]
I feel so lost.. So empty.
Everyone I talk to.. they disappear.
My thoughts are filled of suicide and selfharm thoughts.
All I do is disappoint my family….
And myself.
I hate myself more than people hate me, which is a lot..
Sometimes, I think about dying…
And I might do it.
I might end my life
future generations think we are all foolish, Since we belive in a concept called god
on some days I feel probably okay..i try not to think much but most of the time..i feel exhausted! with my life..it’s just been one failure after another and add to that low self confidence and high self loathing..i just want it to end..if this is life..i don’t want it.. I have issues but I can never talk about them with anyone because whoever I consider close don’t know what it’s like..the whole “move on, fight, get on with it” thing doesn’t work for me..i’m tired of doing all that..im just exhausted and want some permanent rest and I’m in the final stages of getting […]
I’ve failed myself, once again.
Two weeks ago, I threw away my blades, and said “This time, I’m stopping”.
I didn’t cut for two weeks. I snapped bands against my wrists until my skin turned purple, and dug dents into my skin with my nails, but I didn’t cut.
I went to the store today and bought a new straight edge razor.
I cut myself.
I gave up.
I don’t think I can do this anymore…
Something intense happened last night. While driving on the highway, I nearly hit a girl staring blankly into traffic on the border of the shoulder and my lane. I called the authorities, exited and swung around on the service road. I got out, ruined my new shoes on the muddy embankment :P, and went up to her on the highway. She was crying, distraught, and talking about how a friend just died. I slowly climbed over the guardrail (looking back, I probably shouldn’t have done that, kinda dangerous) and told her I would love to listen to whats going on, but its so noisy. I […]
I don’t think I can do it anymore.
I’m tired. I’m so tired. Of fighting myself, of struggling, of not sleeping, of my thoughts, of the loudness, of the pain, of the medication.
I just wish that my brain would be quiet. It’s too loud. Everything hurts.
please
make it stop
I think I’m going to be posting here daily. It’s better than writing a diary. Those things are worthless.
i always wonder if people look at me and think.. damn i wish i looked like her!! or do they think damn shes ugly ass fuck. im a kinda thick girl and active tall long blond hair. and you would think ppl would like that but i guess not..
I made a decision weeks ago that I have to live for my family, but…
All I can think about every minute is dying. I want to fucking die today, right now, so badly. Â :'(
I knew didn’t I? In the moments before I had that first, tiny, dreadful thought, I’m sure I knew. The idea wouldn’t cross my mind and then never come back. That’s not how it works. It’s like when you’re searching for the answer in a trivia game, you get stuck on one thing you know is wrong, but you can’t think past it.
That first thought. The whisperings of death drawing me closer with every incident. I’ve come to accept that even if I make it through this, even if I survive the next 10, 20, 30 years, I might not make it further because I’ve […]
I’m seriously thinking about suicide too often now. When I’m walking to school from the bus stop, its dark and I think about running in front of a car. And when I get in the school, I think about jumping off the side of the stairs. When I’m home, I plan on overdosing or hanging myself from the hook on my bedroom roof…