So I decided to end my life once again. And once again I failed. I had the noose around my neck, I was getting tunnel vision as everything faded, bliss filling me, and I stood back up. I’m far too heavy to actually hang myself on like the ceiling fan whilst standing on a chair and kicking it away, so I go for partial suspension which is all it really takes. I tie my bathrobe into a noose and tie it in my closet, slip my head through, tighten it and kneel. I don’t know why I do it, but each time I get back up right […]
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Tunnel Vision
Most of the time I feel permanent. Not like immortal or anything, but more timeless. Fixed, I guess you could say. Because of this, I’m not easily afraid of anything, even death.
Once I was out with some friends at a restaurant. I can’t even remember exactly what was said, but a friend of mine said something that humiliated me in front of everyone. Now, there are a few emotions which my brain simply cannot process and my body simply cannot contain. Shame is one of them. I stood up, walked out, and cold late autumn air immediately began to burn my bare arms. I didn’t know […]