i hate it, i hate thinking about killing myself. i feel stupid and selfish. i feel like im going insane. and i hate it because i really dont have a bad life. i just feel selfish because im taking life for granted and i dont want to die. i think about it a lot. i think about death and i always have bad scenerios in my head of how i could die or how i could do it. and the saddest thing about it, is that i do it most when i cant handle things. i do it most when i feel stupid and ashamed and dont want to deal with things anymore. i need help. i cant handle fighting and stress, even just a little bit of it. it happens and i get so depressed when i shouldnt be depressed. i just realized this just now. right before i started writing this. i just got in a bad fight and the thing i thought was i dont want to deal with this i just want to die. i should just kill myself. why do i do this? i feel so selfish and i believe in god so i feel like god is upset and ashamed with me. im not happy with things and i know its my fault and i know the only way to change it is to change me or change something in my life. and i some things i know i need to change but i dont do it and i dont know why. i just want to give up. i hate me so much and i know thats a really big thing. one day ill be happy and the next day i wont. im thinking that im really bi-polar.
3 comments
3 comments
i feel really similar to you 🙁 especially when you say
“i do it most when i cant handle things. i do it most when i feel stupid and ashamed and dont want to deal with things anymore.”
i don’t know how to help you cuz i need help w/ it myself but i saw specialists and they said that i have major anxiety and so they put me on some pills called citalopram. they havent helped yet but maybe they can do something for you? try talking to your doctor maybe?
if u still wana die sometime let me know lol im still suicidal and looking for someone to die with XP
well thanksfor writing me….you can write me at simply.vintage@yahoo.com if u want to talk more…..i know it sucks. well i dont have insurance or anything so i dont think i will be able to get pills.
Die with XP? Yes, i agree if XP was bad, Vista Windows is even worse. But we have to live with it until next version. Citalopram is just an antidepressant that will inhibit the recapture of serotonin, but that does not solve the way you view things in life as what is important is what the other writer mentioned “i need changes in my life”. Those either will happen and i mean by that a boy or girlfriend, a good or tragical event, or things that you introduce into your life like travelling to the third world and seeing for yourself. Most of the people in the Western World are naturally reacting to the poor quality of our social life and they easily become empty inside, precisely the best of you. Because you belong to the best, you have a task to do