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Where is the cuckoo?

January 30th, 2015by nozmoking

the pendulum sways
one weight rises
the other falls
but where is the cuckoo?

the hands slowly move
the hours come
and the hours go
but where is the cuckoo?

one thought makes me frightened
another turns my stomach
I pull my hair
but where is the cuckoo?

crawl out of my bed
turn on the light
go to the mirror
the damned cuckoo stares back at me

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The never ending war of a lost empty soul

January 30th, 2015by DarkestRaven

Empty
Fading
Nothing

Now comes the warm pleasant burn
Drips become trickles
Trickles become waterfalls
Waterfalls become floods

Temporary relief, instant shame
What have I done
I’ve done it again

Always a disappointment
A Bitter sweet sin
Why is this the world I’m stuck in

Daily hell
Nothing but an empty shell
Drown the sorrows
Down another glass
Few more pills, maybe it’ll pass
Completely numb I lay awake
Praying for my soul to take

1

HATE

January 30th, 2015by DarkestRaven

I HATE night time…. Literally fucking hate it!!!

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I don’t want to

January 30th, 2015by Hjerteblomst

I don’t like your kind
I saw you there
I have this stupid idea that you are a good person
I don’t want to contact you
I just want to move on
I want to forget you
I want to forget that you even existed
You. Don’t. Exist.
If I slip up and contact you anyway, I want to pretend it never happened
I don’t want you to read what I wrote
If you read what I write, I just hope you discard it and not reply to it
Just pretend I don’t exist
Its better that way

2

Transgender

January 30th, 2015by Tugger1221

Being 16, living in a small town where good friends are sparse, the last thing you want to do is come out as transgender. People will tease and torture you and the people you love. But even that is better than being trapped in this cage of flesh and bone created by my own mind. Being treated like garbage by others is much better than thinking yourself as such.  I’ve had enough of hiding who I truly am for fear someone may disagree. I am so fucking tired of forcing a smile on my face where no smile belongs. I am exhausted. I

2

FED UP

January 29th, 2015by ShirleyD

I am so fed up, I dont even know if it is me or if it is the people around me. I just feel like sleeping and just not waking up. I dont know if it is because I stopped going to church that the feeling of my heart drowning is hurting more. I hate my life. I just want to jump off a cliff and see who actually misses me.

1

9 years.

January 29th, 2015by WhereIsTheSilverLining

I have wanted to die for the past 9 years.

I have been cutting for the past 5 years.

Every single days for those past 9 years I have thought about disappearing , running away or just giving up and ending it all. I spent those days thinking how amazing it would be if i could fall asleep a night and never wake up the next morning.

I’ll be turning 21 in two weeks.

Every year for the past 5 years, when i blew out the candles i wished for my life to stop.

Nothing has changed. It’s like life has just been at a standstill.

I still want to die.

1

Why am I so pathetic?

January 29th, 2015by Streamers

To think I had a chance to change today… I just threw it away.

I can’t even let people in anymore. My relationships with everyone are based off of a fake person I created to hide behind.

Today in English, we had to write an essay about when we struggled with a choice but made the right one.  I haven’t made a good choice for a long time, and with my mind out of it, the only thing I thought of after I saw struggled with a choice were my failed suicide attempts.

I may not be dead on the outside yet, but I’m long dead on the …

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January 29th, 2015by Slowly_Fading

I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I hate being here. I hate suffering. I’ve failed my parents. I’ve failed as a student. I’ve even failed as a speech captain. I thought I could do it. I was stupid. Stupid for thinking I could ever be anything more than a piece of shit daughter. My parents found out about my self harm and suicidal thoughts. They told me that I’m just an attention seeker and that, that isn’t the way to get attention in this house. So I switched kinda… I didn’t realize it at first but a few days ago I …

2

New Here

January 29th, 2015by crying-inside

Last summer i was forced to move out of my dads house because he wasn’t a good man. I was forced to move into my moms in a different state. I bearly even knew her. It was the first day of school and i could tell the students and teachers hated me all ready it was a rich kid school and i was no where near rich. The kids would point at me and laugh and whisper. I felt  so small. About a month into school i found a “friend”. I was so happy to find someone i thought i could trust. We had hung …

2

January 29th, 2015by Pretend Girl

I was encouraged by impefertluck to write tonight.

There are so many people hurting and so much pain. Know you can get through your personal struggle and hurts. It can often seem like you can’t. Feelings lie. Maybe that sounds pretentious. Feelings lead us to conclude things we never would have if the feelings hadn’t been so strong.

I have dealt with my depression for over 20 years. I had counseling but no one listened to me when I talked about the pain of my family life so many years before. So, instead of understanding that the depression came from a situation I had no control over, …

0

F is for failure

January 29th, 2015by Another quiet one

F is the cruelest letter

It tells you that it will never get better

That you are, and always will be

A failure, don’t you see?

This is your destiny, preordained

Molded by your own hands that have stained

Yourself, and everything around you

A deep, twisted blue

So do not aspire, do not dream

For life does not burst at the seams

With joy, mirth and green

Because for you, only one thing is foreseen

An end, a quiet end

So that you may send

Yourself to deepest black

Which shall take all that you lack

And consign it to silence

A most fitting penance

For a fool such as you

 

2

Lonely

January 29th, 2015by Broken425

I’m suffering so bad I have been crying for nearly a week. I can’t get myself out of it.

5

Time to move on – but do I tell my wife?

January 29th, 2015by stuckinukandlife

Following on from my first post – http://suicideproject.org/2015/01/i-hate-my-fucking-life/

I am now back in the states, basically homeless (living in a hotel atm). I have a lease that I am supposed to be signing next week, but keep thinking about exiting before then and sending all of my money to my mom, brother and soon to be ex-wife (just  writing “ex-wife” causes me to break down). That option sounds more logical as I won’t be needing a lease very soon.

I’ve made my decision – It will be the hood. My main decision now, is whether to let my wife know. Obviously she will think it’s a game or cry …

2

The Otherside

January 29th, 2015by imperfectluck

During my darkest times in life, I had nothing to resort to but pain and misery, on the brink of ending it all looking down at the depths of it all and seeing peace and happiness once and for all. I thought I could never be saved and nearly killed myself 3 times but somehow I just wouldn’t die. I’ve been to an asylum, etc. talked to various shrinks but at the end of the day, none of it could help, only I could. That was 4 years ago during my junior year of high school when I was displaced from everything I knew of. …

2

I now know what I want

January 29th, 2015by falling_soup

 

I want to hurt myself. I want to cut and watch myself bleed. I want to take the pills and slowly die. I have had it with the suffering and sadness I put myself through everyday. Its all over for me now.. I don’t know when or how but it will happen and when that time comes I will let you all know <3 I am sorry that I am just another lost cause…

3

Part 5 — Stories Come, Stories Go — Fables Are Forever

January 29th, 2015by killswitchon

For him it was a dark passage which led to nowhere, then to nowhere, then again to nowhere, once again to nowhere, always and forever to nowhere, heavy on the elbows in the earth to nowhere, dark, never any end to nowhere, this time and again for always to nowhere, now not to be borne once again always and to nowhere, now beyond all bearing up, up, up and into nowhere, suddenly, scaldingly, holdingly all nowhere gone and time absolutely still and they were both there, time having stopped and he felt the earth move out and away from under them. -Ernest Hemingway
—-
Part 5 —

1

wreck

January 29th, 2015by Hjerteblomst

I am existing. I am a wreck. I am just going downhill further and further and there is no stopping it…

4

so fucking done

January 29th, 2015by whatevenami

my name is alison and im 17. i have attempted suicide by overdosing dramatically 7 times. I have recently been discharged from a camhs physciatric ward for my depression and anxiety. they see me as ‘all better’ now. and year, for a while things were looking up. until things came crashing down about a month ago. having people tell me ‘youre not depressed’ and ‘were taking you off anti depressants’ sucks fucking balls. Im so fucking done. im planning to kill myself tonight in a way that works/ camhs need to know how to do their fucking job because theyre absolute assholes. i still self …

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Their charade was the event of the season

January 29th, 2015by impossible_girl

Are there other people out there that aren’t fake? Is there actually a realistic chance of being able to actually be the person I am without fear of people walking away from me, of having friends without having to jump through metaphorical hoops just to keep people in my life? Why am I, the one with Borderline Personality Disorder, the most genuine person I know? Because I’m starting to have serious doubts about the existence of other real people.

I’m starting to wonder if you only get ahead in life by being a fraud. A liar. But I’m tired of being …