My life really sucks

I’m not motavated. Glued to a $18,000 a year Job paying $323.00 for my car + gas, ect’ on a $800 2 week check. I’m full time.

Saved enough for my single self. Though I just wanna buy a gun and play with it. Hoping to build courage to pull the trigger. Money is so poisonous to Mankind. It Stalls and cripples the efficiency of the majority of people. It’s a luxury for the privileged. The lucky and Rich..

It’s hard finding the edge on the higher class..

To build a foundation out of nothing..

Helping myself could be lethal to others. Deadly. Dangerous. I could die. And that’s […]

I’ve had a sorethrot and headache for 5 days now. So I went to a Clinic down the road from my house. Easy parking, the office was empty. I asked the lady at the desk if they gave covid testing, witch I already knew because I looked up locations on my phone.

She replied as if it was the first time someone has asked her. “Yes..we do” is it free I asked she say “No. Insurance will cover half, but without its $200”

I bailed immediately. I soon looked deep into looking for spots/locations that did FREE Covid testing. I just figured you know. DUREING A PANDEMIC […]

I want to do some truly terrible things. I don’t think they’re ever going to actually happen. But just the awareness of that side of myself leaves me feeling afraid, and isolated from others. I’m the bad guy in everyone’s else’s story.

I suppose it’s because although I’m a bad person, I’m not a psychopath. So I still crave social acceptance & safety, even though I know I can’t have it. Awareness of the immorality of my desires terrifies me, because it’s a reminder that everyone is a threat. Anyone who saw the truth about me would pose an unacceptable risk. Essentially I’ve made myself an […]

How do I get rid of these tiny things without spending much money? I’m not contacting the landlord about this. I figure they are getting in through some miniscule cracks that I can’t really even see at all. I’m thinking of just spraying them with some natural insect killer so I don’t end up poisoning myself, as this is in my bedroom and the stupid things only come out at night. Any help is appreciated.

I hate this. I hate it so, so much. Why can’t I accept that I need help? Why am I acting so cold and emotionless when all I want to do is to be myself? I don’t understand this. I don’t understand me! Why can’t I become a perfect daughter/girl for my parents and my relatives? Why am I being like this? Why can’t I move on from my crush on him? This sucks. Everything does.

we’re all going to die one day. i look at my future and know that one day i’ll die. my existence and sufferings in this world will end and years into the future even the evidence that i existed will be gone. so like, what’s wrong with just doing it now?

i hate that this puts a low viewpoint on my friends but i genuinely think they’ll be fine after im gone. recently someone i used to be extremely close to, but then had to cut off, died and all i felt was guilt and then apathy. they’re no longer part of this world, but i […]

Every time I look in a mirror I don’t recognize myself. I see someone who isn’t me anymore. I feel like I’m just here, hiding inside this body and it isn’t me. It isn’t me anymore. I don’t know how much longer I can last. I really don’t. My boyfriends best friend constantly asks him to hang out with her and her boyfriend and I don’t know if she just purposely excludes me or he just doesn’t want to bring me. And I am struggling so hard. So hard to keep it together. I’m pretty certain he’s just embarrassed of me now and I can […]

I think that I’m gonna die soon because I’ll get cancer. I’ll have this cancer because of these psychiatric pills I took (and still take) daily for more than ten years

Just been turned into the dirt like a dead weed by my own kids. Got about a month to sell off and find somewhere to go. Can’t afford anything local and can’t travel. My days of being a “survivor” are over.

My husband raped me. Twice. I can’t tell anybody because nobody would believe me and even if they did, they wouldn’t care. I can’t leave because I am unemployed and don’t have any money. I don’t want him to get in trouble. I want things to work out. I realize how stupid I sound. He just told me he’s been hiding thousands in credit card debt from me. This is the second time this has happened. He’s been lying about it for at least a year. The last time I wrote on here about him, somebody commented that I should “just talk to him and […]

I hate every second of every day, I hate waking up. Does anyone know the point of living? I only live to waste earth’s resources for my selfish needs, spreading negativity and depression everywhere I go. I don’t see why Im needed here

-tw ed- it’s been a long while since ive been even aware of my life, i literally just seem to be floating around.. my eating problems have gone through the roof and body dysmorphia is eating me up.. i cant seem to think beyond my reflection and even when i do other things im just suffocating. i cannot walk without feeling every inch of my body its killing me.. i go from days without food to multiple binging and purging sessions and god i feel so disgusting to purge in public bathrooms. im literally a mess but i go out of my way to hide […]

everytime i try to convince myself that it’s okey and the future can be good i take one look at the news, or even just open twitter and im overwhelmed by the terrors of the world. im aware life has always had it’s hardships but it seems as though no one is actually living “to live” instead we are all “trying to stay alive” except ofc the rich and powerful. so why is this even worth living for? i literally have suicide as my plan B if any little thing in my life goes worse. i still somehow still have no died because of the […]

That quote is from a news story about a man who killed himself on the train tracks last week. Something about that description really affected me. For lack of a better word, it impressed me. I can only hope that’s how I’ll go when it’s my time. No panic, no second thoughts, no backing out. Just look up, see the train coming, and lie back down.

The man’s backstory is the disturbing part. Authorities had trouble tracking down his family because no one had heard from him (or bothered to check) for years. Yet they all knew he struggled with depression and alcohol/drugs. The woman who […]

It’s a saying that keeps repeating in my head. It comforts me.

we’d be better off if this world was dead. what’s keeping me holding on? my abusers are unrepentant pieces of trash, what’s the point of this. there’s no point to any of this.

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Why are you here in my head again? I was feeling so good for a minute. I can’t even complain about what you do to me. I do it to myself. You are making life so hard. There is so much bad in this world already. Can’t we just bring a little bit of good into it? Please Mr. MM, I need you to go back to sitting in your corner. There are things I still need to do. Creatures I still need to care for. I really don’t want to want to die anymore. I’m so tired Mr. MM. I don’t know […]