can you imagine?? i am alive, in this body, someone as disgusting, ugly, selfish, lazy, sensitive and stupid as me.

i wish i could disappear, from everyone’s memory. i can end this, i’m not afraid to (unless i have to slice my neck open or sth) but i can’t further on hurt them anymore. i’m never good enough when i exist, and i’ll continue to do the same even if i leave. i am tired of being trapped in this way of life, these roofs, this piece of sky and limited routes to certain locations, this head, this face, this mind. i can’t stand my thoughts. […]

Before last year I never knew anybody could feel this.. alone. Empty. Just, nothing to life. People say: be happy! Positive vibes! Get out of your hole and grow up. Those are my friends. Close friends try to help but they have no idea what I’m going through or r going through the same thing as I am. Then just everyone else thinks I have a great, normal life.
I’ve called so many suicide lines, texted them.. searched pain relief. Attempted jumping in front of a car 3 times in one week but resisted.. talked to “friends”.. tried super heard to have a good day.. […]

not in the sick “wtf are you thinking” sort of way but physically ill. almost like it has the flu. i know it probably sounds crazy but thats just how it feels. too bad cough medicine cant fix this sickness.

I love kenbi

Hi everyone. This year has been misery for me. I have had 6 psychiatric hospitalizations and 2 failed suicide attempts. Throughout this time I have been trying to use my family as motivation because I have always been family oriented and a loving person. I suffer from severe OCD, Major Depressive Disorder, and some doctors have said Bipolar and Generalized Anxiety. I’m currently in a Partial program and I have family-based services. I’m just at a loss because I really want out of my pain, I’ve also trolled the web to figure out methods of suicide but I’m too afraid I’ll end up worse than […]

I’ve been dealing with depression my whole life.
Having an actual label for it about 6 years.

I’ve always experienced highs and lows growing up and never gave it much thought. Days where the comfort of my bed was the only thing I could do as I laid with my thoughts of taking up useful space in the world are all bit familiar.

I never really felt like I belonged anywhere including my own family.
The older I got the more it became apparent that I was not alone in these thoughts. Seemed far fetched, but it was comforting knowing that others were dealing with the same […]

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Can someone just tell me how to die? I’m really tired of everything. This is my limit and I can’t go beyond it.

i have a friend who thinks i should message my other friend. the catch? the way i see it this other friend stabbed me in the back 7ish years ago. but at the same time. they didnt tell me because they werent sure how. when i started talking to them again they didnt know what my life was actually like. and from my point of view. what if im right and they dont care. i have a mood disorder and abandonment issues ill just leave on my own. but if im wrong and they do care and i explain everything to them….idk. i would love […]

I have to behave in accordance to everyone’s wishes
I’ve become a shattered person; unrecognizable…
Day by day goes by and I’ve learned to dissociate
All my dreams were just figments of my imagination
Yet I only cared because they said I did
I realize now I’ve been lied to
There wasn’t a point to them to begin with
So it must be true….this, even, is just my imagination anyway
So why feel anything…I’m not even here
I’ll just repeat like a pigeon pecking at the same levers
Yet even my pecking efforts will not matter
It will be yet another dream, a hallucination
So […]

Yup, still here.

You wonder, how?

But you should ask, why?

Well, ’cause I am trying.

Trying for someone.

It isn’t easy.

But I am trying.

Something nice will happen.

Well, not too sure, you know, life is mean.

So I should expect that everything will go wrong.

But I am trying to be positive.

But my mind is still broken.

Still thinking.

And it isn’t good.

I even wonder if I deserve to be happy.

After what I did.

Not sure if I really deserve something.

I want the sweetness of death to croon through my veins. I need its warmth. I need its freedom. My life is a black room. It has been for years. I’ve done this before. I was ready. I took sleeping pills and parked in a garage. It felt right. It felt good, like infectious laughter. It was right by me to leave behind this illness and a world that despises me. It didn’t work. That part was hard. It was devastating, actually. I look back at the pros and cons of what happened that night. Nothing’s changed, yet I’ve changed everything. I’ve given all I […]

This is not directly linked to suicide, but it will be good if I could use this to organize my thoughts. I think it is better to do this than let this thing grow inside me untill it explodes someday. Today was a day that I thought I was going to explode, perhaps I did have a little explosion. I am living most of days inside my house, going out in very rare occasions. As a matter of fact, I wasnt even leaving my room for most of the time. I talk to some people through WhatsApp, though, and also my family, which […]

I feel like I want to die because everything I do will just disappear.

I keep hallucinating I fixed my life and I was able to live a life I felt was perfect.

As an adult I keep trying to find my own life but it keeps ending up being a hallucination.

I’m in so much mental pain I just want to die…but I don’t know how to break through the system…my parents have threatened to get me recommitted to the mental institution.

I just wish someone else would understand the pain I’m in…yet no one else can, because I’m the only one who can see it. I feel […]

I’m 14 years old, a high school freshman.
i finally gathered my thoughts and emotions and decided I was ready several weeks ago. i’ve been struggling with severe anxiety and depression for years now. shit, can’t even stand in front of my class at school without wanting to shrivel up and die. so i attempted.

my suicide was not impulsive. i planned and researched for weeks. i decided to do it on a friday, so i wouldn’t have to wake up early the next day for school. i did it. i took 31 tylenol, and some other random pills in our medicine cabinet. according to my […]

Anyone who has emailed me before, it doesn’t work right now I guess. Trying to fix it. I have a gmail at the same email name so if anyone wanted to talk. I have 0 contacts on it so, I can’t actually email anyone first xc

devinbelver@gmail.com

*sad rawr

I am not doing good right now the obsessive ruminating thoughts are torturing me it’s all I can think right now I’ve been good for a few weeks and then I lost control of my mind I hate this feeling I have smoked a pack of cigarettes in 4 hours really not doing good I hate myself I hate my life I hate my mind anyone have advise on how to slow the thoughts down

I look in the mirror,

who are you that I see?

Only portrayed words,

of what you call me