I want to live somewhere cool

a land where palm trees grow

a place where in one hour’s time

I’ll be in mountain snow.

Someplace with orange, tangerine, and avocado trees

where afternoon’s ocean breeze

will gently sway their leaves.

Where blonde girls in tight tops will suck

sticky popsicles

as cops ride by, wearing shorts

on their bicycles.

City, suburbs, country too

Lots of hilly humps.

Deep blue skies and fluffy clouds

For days and weeks and months.

I’ll live somewhere near the beach

and call it paradise.

I’ll stick my toes in the sand

and think “Ah, this is nice”.

I’ll watch the sun set every night

with Heineken in hand

and thank my lucky stars I’m finally in the promised land.

Before I write my post, I just want to say how relieving this place is. Strangely enough, every time I write a bit, after I feel better for a while. It’s like if writing a bit once in a while was a drug. But it feels goddam good to tell the world.

Sometimes I wonder why we should trust people. I have incredibly big trust issues. I really do not know who to trust. Ever.

Not my family, thats for sure… I can’t stand their judgemental “advice” .

My friends;  I have many but none I can really truthfully talk to.

My best friend; I don’t know her sometimes. Some nights, we can spend a whole night cuddling and not caring about anyone else. It’s beautiful. Other times, like now… She just flies away. And I try and try to reach to her, to see what is going on. And I am often very frustrated. I feel like I …

Unhappy, Angry, low self esteem, Always feel like I’m outside looking in, where do I fit in? ashamed of myself, I feel so stupid, when I turn And walk away they are talking bad about me, I can feel it… I Insult you to hide my insecurity and pain, I say I Hate you when I just wanted a hug, Where was Dad when I needed his love?.. I feel like I’m Dying, Will Anyone notice or Even care?….. Years Later, Frown Lines, Eyes Weary so much mental Pain Even my body aches, I fucking give, I can’t take anymore…..A light shines from above bright as day in the middle of the night. A voice, same voice from my childhood, I realize its my inner voice That voice that said words of doubt, its much different this time..As if An angle touched my soul, and maybe it …

So… I haven’t posted in a while. Most of you won’t care, others might be curious, but… Though I only posted here a few times, I thought I should give an update. An explanation.

I’m fifteen years old. I’m not an attention seeker. And I’m not faking.

A few months ago, I cracked. Years of trauma and abuse piled up until I just couldn’t take it any more. I fell into a dark place. I started cutting, stopped eating… Sometimes for weeks on end. I was miserable. Lost all of my friends. Eventually my parents took me to a counselor. But that just made things worse. I didn’t want to talk. I just wanted to be left alone.

After about a month with no progress, my parents agreed that I could stop going.

About a month after that, I stopped cutting.

And now… I’m fine. I don’t know what changed, but I just feel happier now. Things are good. For …

I’ve had enough with my life now, with the past three years being hellish for me as I have experienced bullying for no reason other then being me, lost many of my friends because I stood up for myself when no one else would and lost my best friends due to love. Having a stutter doesn’t make life easy but instead singles you out as a target for bullies and being shy and not telling anyone of the bullying it ends up going unnoticed but in feb 2013 one person was being ageessive towards me while playing football as he kept punching me in the back and kicking my ankles so I flipped and went ape shit at him I just kept flooring him and I had no control of my actions the only reason I stopped was when some people dragged him away from me,from then on people started to avoid me and started …

Who remembers TFI Fridays

Had he been a postman, some random guy you met in Tescos or in the street there was something special about him, like a Jesus. That’s my idea of a real superstar. At the time of his apparent suicide INXS were at their peak.

I’ve been thinking about recent events, Bob Geldof, his life and the lives of everyone connected to him. Its one big tragic story.

So, I am college student and I am trying to network. Does anyone have a twitter on here? Follow for a follow.

It’s like I want to die but when I do something that puts my life in jeopardy I panic . its like in that moment when I have the chance to die I feel like I can’t do thi. And I think of every possible reason there is to live. Then something happens to me and I wish I did it and there is so much pain and I am angry. Why cant I do it?

the natural habitat of C4 and OLIR