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0

bitter

August 25th, 2016by snader

Anybody else on here really bitter? I am.

The past 4 years now I’ve slowly but surely hardened and turned into this bitter person. I can feel it in my bones and my blood, how it’s there and it’s heavy. Somehow I’ve managed to cover it up with a sort of ‘normal’ persona, but I know how I am. It’s lurking in the depths of me, staying hidden for others to notice. But it’s there and I’m used to it now.
I have lost the ability to give any fucks about 99% of everyone I know. Of course my mother and father, family and friends …

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0

Sick and Tired

August 25th, 2016by No Resting For The Weary

I needed to rant so here I am. I have social anxiety and it’s very hard to express myself. Whether it be in public or online. Up until two years ago, I didn’t even know what social anxiety was. When this girl online describe what she went through all her life, I thought to myself. That sounds like me. But my family and sisters call me weird. They don’t even think social anxiety is a real thing.  They are very close-minded and like to label people. Plus, they think they are better than everyone. The sister closer in age to me is a spoiled as*h*le, …

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5

Posting

August 25th, 2016by djarumblack

I often open up and share things on here only to find myself deleting it all later. I don’t know if it’s because I feel embarrassed for sharing in the first place, or if it’s because I don’t like seeing how self-centered I can be.

I enjoy the conversations I have on here… Maybe too much. Sometimes I feel so ridiculous that it’s comical. When will I learn?

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1

attempt to give memory of a buried past I

August 25th, 2016by rqlex

cannot say without fearing what to say. you know, you write your statement, and this imply something for sure, but what we do with what we say, and what the the others do with, all of this, is kind of frightening somehow. but fear is a strange word, after all we shouldnt be afraid of making something else of all of this. even though you are in such a situation like, for instance, SWIM? you got the code. but should there any code. the code is the problem, all of they do of all what we do.

as a fact, a simple gimpse, a simple drop …

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1

Hello

August 25th, 2016by Dungeon

I know all the things I should do, I’m aware of what I can do. I’m too tired, and I can not get myself to care. I don’t want to care and the current stagnated goals of mine have no pursuit of happiness. I am not my own person , I don’t exist in reality. I live in my own world where life is devoid and I’m sheltered by a black sun. The earth does not spin , time does not flow, there is only a sense of hollow fears and mufflled rage. I breathe empty air and sleep in a crusade against

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0

Tomorrow will be pointless

August 25th, 2016by BL98

Same bullshit , ain’t telling it again , everyday sucks more dicks than i do , but today so much things changed … i just received my grades for the FCE Cambridge Exam and i passed , i started , again , my classes for driving license , got another job as a designer …but i feel like nothing matters anymore , i feel empty , i feel alone , even if i have my dear passenger with me , i feel like even that the changes that i have waited for so long to happen , finally happened , it didn’t filled the void …

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0

It’s Okay

August 25th, 2016by mattr

Who says it’s not okay to feel such mental torture?

Who says it’s not okay to feel mentally euphoric?

Who claims I should apologise for the way my brain works?

Who asked for an apology?

Who judges me without knowing or understanding?

Do you judge yourself?

How can anyone expect me to control that which I cannot?

Who asked you to?

Who has the right to such expectations of me, to require I live, who are you with all your rubbish positive mental attitude which is just you trying to convince yourself life is not

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3

obsession

August 25th, 2016by sadspectralgiraffe

I don’t know why I stick around for this guy. Its online… but hes amazing. I just don’t think hes going to do much except bury his head in video games. Hes 30. And studying at uni. Well I don’t do anything much myself, so who am I to talk. Plus he studies which is better than me…

I love him and I can be completely open with him and I like that.

I just wish I hadn’t hurt him.

I want to meet him so badly. I need to. It almost consumes me….

But until I can do something, I should shut up about it…

We can …

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Drift Away..

August 25th, 2016by idm

When I was younger, years ago, my parent had a friend, Ace.

this guy, he had a place out in the middle of the country. so y’know, basic fields on all sides. he had about.. oh a good acre of land himself. fair bit to the front yard, then a giant field out back with a woods to the right that bordered it and cornered around the end..

there were a lot of clovers that grew in that field, and tiny strawberries popped up twice a year. there were bushes with berries, too, growing on the sides.. and the woods had plenty of tracks wore down, for …

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2

I’m not sure what to do.

August 25th, 2016by Your future friend

So,this is my first post,and I hope it will be the last. My dad is in terrible shape. He smokes,he’s admittedly very overweight,he has a bad back and a bad heart,and it’s a true and terrifying thought that he could drop dead at any moment,and he’ll leave me forever. I can’t stand what he does to himself,it’s as is he wants to die and leave me and my brother and sister. I never want to leave his side because I’m afraid something will happen and I won’t be there to help him. Every morning I get to wake up every morning to him waking me …

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2

Hi everybody

August 25th, 2016by EtherealDemons

So this site is for talking stuff out? That’s real cool. I got on here because I feel like I’ve fallen and I can’t get up. See what I did there? Life alert. Haha. I’m so alone. I feel like a repellant. The few that can manage to love me I push away. Mostly because I’m paranoid, and I’m really good at blaming other people and then realizing later it was me all along. I haven’t actually tried to commit suicide yet. Dunno if that’s some sort of credential I’ve got to have to write here. I mean I’ve cut myself, if that helps, just …

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2

“Defensive Aggression”

August 24th, 2016by whiskered-fish

I am so painfully angry and so painfully lonely and so painfully fed up with everything.

I’m tired— no, sick, so thoroughly sick— of raising my hackles and baring my teeth at everyone and everything. Even more than that, I’m sick of constantly feeling like I have to.

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0

Someone else

August 24th, 2016by hopeisafourletterword

Once, there was him. He was everything. He was the sun, the moon, the mountains, the sea. He was the air. He was the master, I was the puppet. My mood, my thoughts, my existence depended on him. It was that way for 2 years.

Enter the blond haired, blue eyed boy. The physical attraction is real, but I don’t know about anything else. Is it enough to cure me, make me see that it’s possible to love more than one person in this life? Make me move on? Can he really help me, or am I fooling myself? I did have that dream the other …

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3

Jaded and Afraid

August 24th, 2016by aloner3112

Like many users of this site, I have been reading through many of your stories and I guess I finally want to share my story with all of you. I’m 15, gay, and depressed. I know that sounds like a lot of you on this site. This summer I did something that I deeply regret. On this teen dating app, called Distinc.tt, I had sex with 55 year old man. I was scared, and when he came to my house I just sort of let him guide me through it. He tried to pressure me into anal, sticking his fingers up my ass, but I …

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2

I’m so sick of myself

August 24th, 2016by MaybeElena

I keep ruining everything. My mom told me today that she absolutely hates me, and that I am truly an ugly person. I completely agree with what she said, but it still hurts. I always thought the one person in this world who is supposed to love you unconditionally is your mother, but she can’t even tolerate me anymore.

My mom took my sister and went to stay at my grandpa’s house. The dumbest move she made today was leaving me alone with my thoughts. I really think she is hoping to come back and find me dead, so she can finally close this chapter of …

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0

Self contradiction?

August 24th, 2016by SwishAL

Hello SP users, I’ve been reading posts on this site for years, figured it’s my turn to share. I know this statement shows up all the time here,, but I don’t feel like I belong here. The values I hold above all I do not have the skills to achieve… Therefore it is hard for me to see the point in carrying on living. It’s as if im fighting a battle against myself. The value I hold dearest above all things is love, and time after time I fail to achieve it. I constantly get cheated on, 100% of the relationships I’ve been in have …

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1

Real friends

August 24th, 2016by kamidaka

I see people enjoying other’s company. They talk about everything and nothing at the same time. They care for each other. They like to be together. They laugh, they cry, they live.

I never had any friends. Most of the time I encountered people who was only being polite to me, were fascinated by my looks or wanted something in exchange (usually protection). Classmates are only classmates, they only talk to me in class, and only there. They don’t care if something happens to me.

In my only reason to live, people just bear with me or ignore me. But some of them are friends with each …

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1

Just wondering…

August 24th, 2016by Death and Psyche

Does anyone have any idea of specific things that they believe have helped them with their depression? Or are there specific things that help you? I’d like to create a nonprofit that specifically addresses depression possibly. I know that there is NAMI but I am thinking of offering services different than they do. Cause lets face it. Having Depression really does SUCK. Not just for us, but for our family and friends. There has to be some way to combat this. Its weird. Sometimes I ask myself, maybe I like being this dark sulky person… but then I think there’s a difference between having a …

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7

I’m not real

August 24th, 2016by velveteennightingale

I’m not a real person because I am going crazy inside with my depression that no one can see.  I am not a real cutter because I don’t cut every day (most of the time).  I’m not a real anorexic because my BMI is technically normal.  I don’t fit in completely with the extremely poor because I am no longer homeless.  I don’t fit in with the rich because I am far from rich.  I don’t belong in my family because I have different tastes in music, books, movies–I haven’t told them my real likes because I’m afraid of rejection: they think the sorts of …

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2

Inherent Flaw

August 24th, 2016by Nathaniel_Morisawa

Good things are inevitably sullied. By my own hands, no less. The gains I make, the good things I allow to materialize, they are always torn down by these clumsy, shaking hands that have no idea of how to properly handle the copious amounts of beautiful people and things that’re thrown my direction.

This isn’t merely bad luck. This phenomenon inevitably occurs because of an inherent flaw in my design. As other people are at least, decently equipped to mingle with others (even if they don’t know this yet or think so) and receive the good things that come their way, I am not. A short …

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