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I am inquiring whether there is someone out there who wants to go on one last hoorah, and then hand and hand sign out. Im done with all of this. This just isn’t some dramatic flare in my life. This isn’t something that will pass. Ive been fighting this fight for so long and I am done fighting. Done.
Contact me if you’re interested. Ive got some ideas worth considering.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted here and my feeling are still the same. I don’t want to live anymore.
Anytime something good happens in my life, the hammer comes down and makes it all go away. I hate living in a home where my mom is always working and my dad just yells at me. I’ve been called the following in the past few hours:
-Worthless, good for nothing, stupid, a bitch, a hoe, a waste, a mistake, reason he’s going to die early, inconsiderate, and fucking useless.
I want to go to bed and not wake up anymore.
Lets recognize depression for what it really is, a compulsive liar. It tells you life is hell, you are not good enough and never will be, it robs you of the joy of life and poisons your thoughts. I know this because I spent 7 consecutive years in a downward spiraling depression. You are not worthless, not everybody hates you, things can get better. I know what it’s like to have constant negative thoughts and feelings beating you down, but one day a lightbulb went off. I was feeling shame and deep self hatred and thinking thoughts like “you are the ugliest person alive” “everybody …
Why are these random instrumentals stuck in my head?
It makes no sense to me, and at times I feel a bit crazy…
It doesn’t seem like something I should worry about, and yet at random times it just won’t shut off… I’m doing it now, all now, trying to get it out of my head. As I type, a random beat, is playing inside of my head. It makes no sense to me, I wonder why I even do…
Feeling like I turned and crashed into a wall.. That’s how my life has been for these past few months. I wonder why I can’t get …
I have dealt with depression for so many years now, going on 5+. I’m only 18 years old. I’ve recently come upon the realization that happiness is entirely an illusion. It’s a false experience that comes from a chemical reaction within us, and this same reaction can be recreated with certain recreational drug use. therefore happiness is actually bullshit, and why should I care about continuing on in this life? Every friend I make, I end up pushing away. Every girl I meet, I end up pushing away. I’m so fucked up at this point I don’t even know if I know who I am …
I’ll be 25 in about 3 months, and so far I have achieved nothing worth talking about in my life. I’ve never had a girlfriend or kissed or done anything with a girl (not because I don’t want to, it just never happened and women are never interested in me). I still don’t have my driver’s license. I’ve always wanted a degree in Computer Science, haven’t got to do it so far because I lacked the qualifications. Not because I’m not intelligent, but things didn’t go as I wanted in the last year of high school, partly due to depression, and didn’t do well in …
I don’t even have anything in common with other suicidal people. Like countless nameless lurkers who have read these pages hoping in vain to find comfort, I have found the only similarity between my story and the stories I see on this screen is that we all speak English.
Everyday is so hard to me. Depressed… I don’t have friends.. I’m 27 and I’m married every night I cry alone. I want frineds who can share depressed , life suffering.. lot of things. If there is somebody who has same feeling like me, we can talk and share.
My Kik is here ” YYUKGRA”.
Email : yuko35103190@gmail.com
I can’t breathe. I feel like the walls are closing in around me. Thoughts are racing in my head.
I can’t take this anymore.
Every damn day is a struggle. I want out. I can’t take the pain anymore.
From all the heart break and struggle I feel like I have lost my mind. I cant speak or think coherent thoughts. I need help, I know I need help. I just cant get myself to go to someone, I cant even find anyone nearby. Thoughts bombard me, thoughts of being a loser. Thoughts of not knowing what I should do with my life… Thoughts of depression ruling my life. Right now I need to make a decision on what I should study and do with my life. I need help. If there is a God, I need him to show me a way out; …
They are gods. There is no other way they can make so much money and have so much power.. we ordinary people are just their slaves.. I don’t know how bill gates has such a powerful brain inside such a normal looking head.. I wish I had at least 5% of his intelligence.. then I would be at least able to get a job.. making money is the most important thing in this world.. all this thinking about money is making me insane. What would be so wrong if I was born to a billionaire? Then I wouldn’t have to worry about those stupid …
So am I. I feel emptiness, hollowness and a severe detachment from the world. It’ starting to affect my feelings with my family and pets.
Who would have thought after 10 years of various medications, controversial treatments (Ketamine) counselling with doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists. counsellors, prayer, going to church – that things would ease up. But no, they don’t the suicidal thoughts just keep sitting in my brain waiting for the moment i lose control and depression, anxiety, panic, personality disorder convince to just give it all up and die peacefully. I need nembutal to fall asleep forever. I can’t take this anymore. I’ve tried to social …
I literally feel, I’m missing my heart in my chest. Obviously I’m not missing my heart, because without it I would have been dead by now. But like I said, “I Literally Feel, I’m Missing My Heart.”
I don’t even know where to begin. Im sorry this is long. You don’t have to read it. I just need somewhere to vent right now.
It’s almost 1am and I have to wake up at 6:30am to go to work at 8am. And I can’t stop crying. I was fine today. I’ve been fine for quite a while now. Life has been going pretty good. But it’s been going downhill for a few months now and I know it. I used to have two really good friends. We would talk a lot over a group text message because one of them went to another state …
I think the worst part of all of this is realizing that I’m truly, utterly alone.
I’ve been having this feeling more and more lately. I can’t think of anything worse than it. It’s the star that all of my other feelings are currently orbiting around.
Sadness—Anger—Guilt—Fear—Confusion—Hatred—Numbness. All of them right now depend so heavily on this loneliness.
Tonight’s a really bad night.
It Gets Better
by Andrew Lippa
“I thought there was something wrong with me,
something that everyone could see.
Something that made me cry, made me try disappearing. Why?
Why did they treat me like they did. I was a scared and lonely kid.
Deep in the darkest hole, no control, something whispering:
‘It gets better. It gets better, when you get past this time.
It gets better, so much better, when you outlast this time.
You can scream at the moon if you want to,
you can run just as far as you can.
But it gets better, it gets better and
betterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’.
Though everyday seems like a chore,
Wondering …
I’ve cut my stomach so many times it looked like poultry slices. I’ve burnt my legs with cigarettes. I’ve thrown my fist back at my face and arm till it was numb. I’ve tried to hang myself, drown myself, stab myself, and break myself. But now, that has changed. It’s been 6 years, 6 horrible years and now I’ve understood that
IT GETS BETTER
Even though times seem rough and you think know you’re deep in the darkest hole, it will get better. If it doesn’t eventually then you’re not in a hole.
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