I’ve read pretty much everything on here and this is where I’m at, and I guess what I’m searching for, but failing to find;Â Out of everyone I have ever known, met, or out of everything I have ever read on various forums, I can say that I am either more, or at least as philosophical or spiritual as they are. I could go right now and probably turn someone’s thinking from despair to hope and joy, I’ve done that all my life with everyone I meet and also myself over and over again. I am tired of ‘deep thinking’ and seeing the bright side to things. I decided a couple of years ago to leave all that alone and just ‘be’, just observe how I feel everyday with nothing outside of reality to rely on. During this time I worked out what I truly believe in without filling my head with information. I wanted to know what the truth inside my own self was and I realised that life is for living, for enjoying and to experience everything this planet has to offer. That is what I believe to be true, everything else is man made illusions. I love life. I want to wake everyday and do whatever I want, no questions asked, I don’t want anyone, or any system to stop me. This is my life and I want to walk down my own path without people stopping me and forcing me down roads I don’t wish to go down. I don’t want to be conned into paying tolls on every fucking road I go down. I don’t want to be forced to turn the other cheek when I see injustices being done to people around me everywhere I look. Society has taken away our freedom and our own truth and thoughts, which is why we chose hope, religion and spirituality as an escape – I know this to be true I have done this my whole life. But I want to live life, not just dream and hope about it. Â
I don’t want to write a fucking book, or be a pop star, there is literally nothing of this man created world that I want, I want out of it, all of it. But I am not allowed. I just want to live my life how I want, meet nice people, observe peoples talents without them ‘putting on show’ or doing it for the money. I am sick of living in a world of lies. I want to surround myself with my truth and other peoples truth. All the liars can just continue to live in this material world and prosper, and I’m happy for them, all I want is that we all get the happiness that we want, but what about me and those that think like me? Are we supposed to just fuck off and die or else put up with all the lies and nonsense if it is not our happiness and not our truth?
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Wow Jentttar, I’ve been hanging around this site for 2 weeks and today I feel worse than I have ever felt, mostly down to the fact that even on a site such as this, which is supposedly for people to come when they are at the lowest of the low and could do with some ‘truth’, the only hope that appears to be on offer is more illusions, more make believe to aim for, nothing is actually REAL. Then I saw your post and it’s as though you were reading my mind.
But, you haven’t explained what it is about society specifically that you can’t live with. Do you have loved ones? People who care about you? Do you hate your job? Do you have family? Are you male/female? What country are you in and do you like it? I would love to know a little more about you and your circumstances please.
Gotta say jentttar, I absolutely love what you have posted here
Hello Jentttar, your post interests me greatly. My name is Oliver, I’m 33 and I was checking out this site over the last few days. I, like you am in exactly the same situation. I love life too, almost too much, and that is why I feel so desperate about what is happening to ‘life’. We are all being dumbed into oblivion and it kills me that it happens to even those that I love, I no longer can talk ‘sense’ or ‘truth’ as you so beautifully and passionately put it. But you are here talking my language and that has made me feel a bit better.
I agree with you about even on here all that is on offer is more ‘illusions’. Like yourself, I have spent my life being philosophical and spiritual, but I have discovered that all that does is distract you from reality. Why is it that we will do ANYTHING to not face reality, why not just make our reality what we WANT, instead of just dreaming about it? The answer to that is society will not allow us (of course depending on what your ‘dream’ is, if it’s to ‘write a book or be a pop star’ as you put it then that IS achievable in this material world) but what about people like us who want to just simply ‘be’?? Your post is spoken so wonderfully, thank you.
If you would like to be in contact with someone like minded, I would feel blessed.
ThomasGreene: Lots of questions! I have family and lots of friends, but no-one that really understands me, they are just people I hang out with so that I have a life, they care about me and I guess they love me but they don’t really know me. I’m female, 28 years old and I live in London, the area I live in is very beautiful and quiet and I love it. I travel all over europe for work (I work in TV) and London is my favourite city so no, I don’t dislike where I live. I like that I am creative for my work but I hate the pretentious arseholes that work in TV, I would love nothing more than for a man to approach me at work with something to say other than about his car or what clubs he’s a V.I.P in, or how much his jeans cost.
Society; I hate that we are forced to spend all out time working for a system that I don’t approve of. ANY job does that so don’t tell me to go work for a charity, everything is regulated by the government. And I don’t feel that life is about hard work anyway, I think it’s an experience that should be enjoyed and lived to the max, we should be free to love and explore and use our passions and natural drive to make the place good for all – not laws and rules.
Jentttar, I wish I knew you in real life, you are one of the few truly ‘enlightened’ people that only happens when the bullshit is abandoned. If the world had more people like you it wouldn’t be such a shithole, but hey, I guess this system ensures that all the good people check out.
I would be very interested in being your friend, I think I can speak your language.
Thank fuck! Someone speaking some sense! For 28 Jenttar you are a very smart girl, I am not surprised you feel all alone. This is all something I am trying to get my own head around at the moment; I see life just how you do, and I can’t ignore it any longer. I want to live but there is no way I can do that under this ‘system’
Life is to experience and enjoy, I agree. it’s certainly was never meant to ‘work for a living’ and follow uncountable rules to keep us inline and remove our freedoms and free thoughts. Spirituality is misunderstood by most people (same as ‘God’), it is merely your own self, your own capabilities and yearnings for living life to the full speaking, not something beyond you – but people have been led into believing that it is beyond them, or something to dream about and will only fully access in the next life. We think this because society has brainwashed us into believing that life should be hard, troublesome, and rather scary – they inject fears into us that make us yearn for ‘safety’. They trick us into thinking that fun and joy is something that is ‘earned’ something just to be experienced at the weekend. It’s awful what has happened, and the fact that everyone accepts it. But then there are people like the ones in your thread Jentttar who shed a tiny little ray of truth on the situation.
jentttar, you are a free spirit imprisoned inside a system that you are smart enough to know is wrong. This life is worth NOTHING without living it to your true spirit.
Unfortunately, this post will go over most of the heads on this site, same as it does in all aspects of life.
Gotta say, I agree with everything in your post.
talktome: I can’t believe you said this “This life is worth NOTHING without living it to your true spirit.” coz I’ve been thinking about suicide due to the fact that I hate the rules and the system. Surely, life was never meant to be this way, it’s supposed to be a great experience? Any bad experiences should be what ‘life’ throws at you on your travels, and not the shit that living under this system throws at us. If I kill myself it’s not because I have no respect for life, it’s because I have too much respect for life.
Jentttar, I too live in London, and I have related to your comments on here, I sure would love a friend like you if you are interested, do you have an email or a fb profile?
This post interested me enough to respond which I didn’t feel I wanted to do for 3 weeks now, so thanks jentttar.
You sound like a beautiful and free soul that needs to be free and it is your right to be free – you know that, and that is why you are troubled. I feel just the same as you my dear and I am a lot older! Believe me, it doesn’t get any better if your looking for truth and freedom, it only gets worse.
Can I ask you just out of interest how you feel about love? you said in your response that friends and family love you but they don’t really know you – do you love anyone that is in your life? And are you single?
Jentttar I just emailed you x
You work in TV and you are creative, may I ask what you do? I’m finding that creative people can suffer pretty bad in this world. Also, do you know what personality type you are?
From what you say in this post here, I feel I have a picture of you in my mind, your words speak volumes to me
I liked what you wrote, and others did too, and now many, knowing you are a young girl of 28 will even have more interest in you.
Well, if I may say, I would very much say, since you live in London, a radiating rat warren zoo of individuals without values or morality and in a Masonic neofeministic country like the UK, you could not feel otherwise. You live in the worst possible country, even worse than the USA. I truly believe, if you had the chance to work elsewhere, more in a south or central America country, either Uruguay or Costa Rica or Sicilia down in the Mediterranean, with a completely different structure of values, you would be living the life that does you justice.
Oracle I think what you have wrote is disrespectful as she has stated that she loves where she lives and you should respect that, not talk about her country that way. And it is also disrespectful to assume that anyone that would like to be in contact with her is because she is ‘a young girl of 28’. You sound sick and bitter to me.
I feel we are kindred spirits. It’s near impossible to see this sort of thing anywhere anymore. A couple of months ago there were some brilliant posts on here, but not so much anymore. This post has made me remember that there still is some good and aware souls about
I cannot agree. I do well in bringing to knowledge true facts. London and the UK represent the worst a society can make of itself. 90% of families are twisted, splitted and troubled, never made up of a true dad and mom. couples are made and marriages are made according to fashions such as
specific interracial patterns well known and visible at street view
which raises all kinds of questions as to where does love have a place in that pattern, because if love were the core of such relationship, marriages would not follow patterns. UK has more abortions than the whole Europe put together multiplied by two, neofeminists and radical minorities extortionate the government to obtain favors in exchange of votes, etc etc. Even liberal newspapers in the UK speak of a broken society. So, what I say, is even in the British press. They are realising that they have lost their old UK. Street criminality is just unbeliveable. If you live in the Midlands like Leicester, Sheffield, Nottingham, etc or in London in Lewisham, and you walk at night, you really really really are risking your life. Dont argue this to me, I lived there 4 years. That would never happen in other countries, not even in the dangerous Colombia nowadays.
Few people can know that better than me as I have lived in 8 countries, UK included and I know the UK much better than most British and even wrote a book about the degradation of values in Western societies, out of which, the UK was number one in all senses.
Given these facts, it is impossible that anybody originally sound can develop happy in such a mileu and my insight, brought from my cosmopolitan experience brings light to someone who might have not had that international comparative experience. Further than that, I provided advice as to visit and live with other ethnical groups such as Latinamericans, or Asians, which traditionally have a treasure of values in my view, where societies still pivot around the institution of family and social relationships based on the invididual who does not talk about VIP clubs or the cost of his jeans.
As per being 28 and woman, it is a valuable asset and it is healthy nature in humans that interest is devoted to that, as that is the very essence of life, its perpetuation through marriage and family. As a matter of fact, falling in love or creating a family can very well be a way out of depression.
Jentttar: Thanks for your post, it is very interesting to me. I’ve been looking at this site for months now, I’ve posted a couple of comments but not for a while. I read a reply of yours on another post also, where you say that you should live on a mountain in peru or something, but I’m sure you were joking as there is nowhere on the globe that is exempt from the system, only more remote. I am also in the midst of working out what my options are, like you, I have desperately tried to work out how I can live (anywhere in the world) away from the system, but it is not possible, unless you want to stay in one small place your entire life (which is not freedom) and I don’t think is possible anyway.
Nice post jentttar. I have felt so depressed and been thinking of suicide seriously for many weeks. I keep trying to find hope in something and failing. What seems to give others hope doesn’t work for me. You have spoken of things that I think about but can’t put down in words, so thanks. The whole system is the problem, not me. How can anyone be happy under this system? Oh and ‘Oracle’ this problem is GLOBAL. It is disrespectful to slag off countries and the people in them, You sound pretentious and a ‘know it all’, you sound too full of yourself to be able to speak any truth beyond that. I’m sad that you have contributed to an otherwise wonderful thread.
Victoria: I have more of a tendency to love complete strangers than I do my own friends. Yes I am single. In answer to your question about love, yes I love immensely, I just don’t love the things that most others tend to love, or in the same way.
Man-from-earth: I am a set designer, so yes I get to be very creative. I am an INFP personality type.
Thanks everyone for posting, it’s nice to know others feel the same way (and also sad), shame we can’t all live together on another planet. I’ve met one or two people through this site that I really would love to meet.
Hi everyone, I love this these posts. I don’t think i fully understand the horribleness of this ‘system’ that we are all under – the government etc? I must be one of the stupid ones, but i do know that i am so fed up and want to kill myself and everyone just annoys me when they tell me to cheer up etc. The way you talk Jentttar makes me know that there are deeper reasons why so many people are suicidal.
@Lorraine. Again, I disagree. The problem is not global on the same scale. While the UK is very bad, other societies, are much better. Basically anything that it is not the EU, or US is ok. Even Africa has another attractive asset in terms of social values among themselves.
And knowing what I know, did not come for free. I suffered in all those countries, from Galveston Texas to Hamburg Germany, but there are wonderful countries like Belarus or Estonia, or Costa Rica or Marocco. So, if you can learn from others experience instead of saying I was pretentious, you would have learned things for free at my cost.
How exciting working as a set designer on TV!! But yes I can appreciate that a lot of people that work in TV are idiots. And you get to travel all over Europe, I LOVE Europe, so much culture!!
Please keep in touch on here Jentttar, I like to read some straight down the line honesty, this post of yours has really got me thinking, nothing has moved me this was for AGES
Thanks fro answering my q’s Jentttar, you sound like a top girl.
Oracle: who are you, the grim reaper?? Your reply is AWFUL
Jentttar,..I’ve noticed in one of ur comment above that you’re of an INFP type. no wonder you can think up things like this, which, I would be totally honest here, has been what I’ve been thinking too lately, but you’ve clearly put it so much more eloquently than I do. and I just wish I could know you in real life, I really do. considering that we’ve of the same age and also same Personality Type (yes I’m of an INFP Personality type too).
Then each and both of us wouldn’t feel that *lonely* anymore, and we can definitely talk about this matters over a cup of tea (throw all the V.I.P clubs cars BS craps; just sincere, straight deep heart to heart talks, which is what our Heart (and Soul?) is all for).
All of this really brings me to this nagging thoughts, which I’ll be honest & straight-forward:
So now, after KNOWING all of these ‘Truths’,
the choice is: would you feel all hopeless, that “it’s a dream that will never be attained”, and hence commit suicide to ‘escape/flee’ from this entrapping BS world?
OR,
would you all be ready to DIE by fighting the System?? (it’s not the PLANET that is bad, but it’s the SYSTEM. the man-made System. the System made by those powerful capitalists, and power-controlling bureucrats, politics, government’s interests, something like that! we’ll fight against these ‘Big Guys’ !)
I am suddenly reminded again of a great post made a couple of months ago, by a guy named Splinter (the guy has sadly committed suicide), his thread also elicited so many heartfelt responses here: http://suicideproject.org/2010/08/lets-face-it-were-all-evil-in-some-way/
We all know that most or majority of people are unfortunately like sheep, just blindly, ignorantly, or even unknowingly following the ‘Big Guys’ without being CRITICAL and using our deepest heart. These sheeps just have been heavily brainwashed (I’ll surely post about this very soon, as I have so many ‘nagging’ thoughts I want to share too regarding this).
It often makes you think or wonder, WHY most people are so sheep-ish?
Are they ignorant? or perhaps just don’t know/realize what’s really going-on with their more-strained life? or are they actually ENJOYing the System?? CHOSE to participate in it?? or what..?
And then, most important question is perhaps: what are WE, people who have known these ‘Truths’, going to do about it?
would we just endlessly lamenting and sighing about it,
rather than RISKING our lives (“we will die anyway at the end!”) to DO something about it?
perhaps banding together, JOIN together hand-in-hand, form a Group,
a Website, or something….we act as a Voice of HOPE ?? in a hope we can become like our predecessor/ancestors, those ‘minority great heroes’ that we often admire, who had in the past break the Slavery system, who had break the limited assumption of the ‘Big Guy’ (ie: Church) that the world is flat, and many more great seemingly-small-at-first ACTS like this?
Isn’t it all worth it?
Or would we just stay silent,
feeling hopeless,
lamenting and sighing,
and just take the ‘shortcut’ to end this earthly life, thinking that “it’s all hopeless” when we haven’t give our ALL ?…
Is our sincere, deepest *voices* here, our screaming heart, our true, purest HUMAN souls, are all not WORTH to fight for?..
What are WE going to do now, knowing all these ‘Truths’ jentttar has briliantly mentioned?
What are we going to do now?
Jentttar, I’ve just posted my response, but again it’s “awaiting moderation”. this status irked me so much.
is there any way perhaps that you can Approve my post (from your “Control Panel”?)
btw, I don’t think Oracle is trying to shake the rifts or something. He’s just trying to help, by sharing his life experiences that ‘hopefully’ could be of some use or at least some insights for others here.
at least that’s how I view him.
certainly, not ALL of us have to agree with his POV, but at least listening to his experiences/story would do nothing bad, in fact we could even *learn* something from his story, don’t you think so?
Jentttar: Please stay in touch!
Niki: Thanks for your addition here, I love that there are in fact SOME people who don’t just moan about feeling crap and want to actually do something. I just read the link you included in your response (we are all evil in some way) damn how did I miss that??? I wish I could have spoken with that guy also, I’m so glad that you got to. This man certainly was doing something wasn’t he?!!
With regards to Jentttar; I did notice in her another post she commented on that she would like to go around murdering rapists (LOL) but I understand what she means, did you read it? Maybe look it up to get some clarity on what she says about this kind of thing, she says unless she can actually ‘do something’ about society then she wont live in it (she did says she would prefer to live on a mountain in peru) and that she doesn’t really want to die, she just doesn’t want to be forced to be a part of mainstream society and it sounds like she wants to help in a very active way like you do.
Which brings me onto me; This is exactly why I was drawn to her posts, she is not moaning about how she feels (she says she loves life, just not society) and she only moans about the ‘actual’ problems in the world. This is the exact same thing with me. I am NOT depressed as such, I am just at the end of my tether with the ‘system’ and I feel like I am contributing to something I appose, by accepting it (which is another thing Jentttar said) and then you show me this other link where this guy splinter says it too!!! Something is happening here!! I have come here for a reason to find like minded people! I wish I had known your friend Splinter too, I would volunteer my life to help him and his cause.
Maybe Jenttar would like to respond herself as this is her post 🙂 but I wonder what we could all collectively do? I would definitely prefer to die making a big point and leaving a mark (like your friend Splinter) than just hanging myself at home. What are your thoughts Niki?
I find your post respectful of life, you know you are being used and abused by the system and you accepting it is feeding the beast. Wish I knew you.
I stumbled upon this post and it touched me. Every once in while, you see and hear the intelligent as well as emotional truth from someone and it reminds me that not all of mankind are robots. Yet.
Jentttar – We are very similar.
If I may respond to the note from ‘niki’ who asks what can be done – From what see from her post, all she is wanting is to ‘opt out’ of the system, as in cease to pay any kind of taxes into a system that is corrupt and against her own morals and rights as a human being. I sense she is not wanting to go about protesting and and all that, but just to ‘opt out’ and go about her life as she chooses. This will never happen, even if she had a million supporters to do the same thing it would not change things. At least half the entire population would need to ‘opt out’ in order to actually change anything. The few that do ‘opt out’ are subjected to harm of either imprisonment or hospitalization.
I feel the same – I have reached an age of maturity now where it seems just wrong of me to pay into the very thing that has robbed me of my rights to a free life, it seems ludicrous to do that.
@london & everyone here: google “how I clobbered every bureucratic”
and the first link that appears is the eBook (in .pdf format) by Mary Croft,..go download it.
Like I’ve said often in my previous posts a few time ago, I believe that there is still *HOPE* that we all -as genuinely caring & sincere people- can cling on to.
and no, I firmly somehow believe that this is not going to be another ‘baseless hope’. There are quite an ample amount of evidences that *something* is changing, and going to keep changing, especially entering the year 2012.
We could really *hope* for this,…and we can start doing something NOW, exactly lik you mentioned, London (& Jentttar & everyone else here): by NOT participating & give-in to the System, no matter what!
Also go to http://lightworkers.org
for more information regarding all the ‘connections’.
sorry if my English is not that good, as English is not my native language (I’m from Indonesia).
Namaste~
@london (& everyone else here): go google “how I clobbered every bureucratic”
and the first link that appears is the eBook (in .pdf format) by Mary Croft, go download it.
Also go to http://lightworkers.org/
You might find this website (especially the forum discussions) interesting.
I wanted to comment on the actual post itself, there is something that I agree with so much that it compelled me to respond (then I missed my point entirely) . . Jenttar, I LOVE how you made a conscious decision to spend time without any input of philosophy or hope and just concentrated on the truth inside yourself, which you discovered to be that you LOVE LIFE, in doing this you simplified everything and found the simple truth, which through religion, philosophy and hope has been made so complex and ‘magical’ – you took the time to strip all of that away and realize what you really want to live for. Unfortunately, the truth is no longer physically achievable anymore, human life no longer is free to that, the species in it’s entirety has been sold to greedy man. Death of this life is not a travesty, on the contrary, the only noble life that any man is living right now is one that is outside of the system, and that wont be lived for long. ANYONE that is living within this system (which is everyone who reads this) is a part of the problem. I respect very much that you say you want nothing whatsoever from a system that you clearly despise.
Niki: I read the mary croft book, very good. Thanks mate
I’ll you this much, Jenttar: I never in my life have felt an obligation to “contribute to society.” I don’t agree with that notion; that we must all work to contribute something. The only reason I work is to get money so that I can get along with society. Do you think maybe that you’d be more peaceful with the way things are if they remained the same, but people recognized that it was absurd? And I also think its dumb that people get sent to jail for drug possession. So many flaws and we’re stuck living with them.
Jentttar: Are you still around love? I really hope so, I would very much like to be a friend of yours. I live in London too. I found your email address and I sent you something last night, hope you got it.
hey Jentttar I like your post, we are of the same kind. I hope you come back on here and chat with me a little.
Tom: I’m not really bothered if everyone finds it absurd or not, I’m not interested in the mainstream population, they’re happy with the way things are so they are entitled to that. But I am not happy and I know there are some others that aren’t happy either, I would like to option to bow out of paying taxes and asking nothing of society, but that would leave me with nothing, even water has been bought by man. , I’m not happy paying into a system that is against my whole belief and treats me like a fool. I hate that I would be vilified if I refused to contribute in this way. I agree with your prison and drug dealer comment, it’s another massive and expensive con put upon us. So depressing, you’re right, we’re stuck with living with them and it’s too depressing.
Niki: I did that test and it turns out I’m a highly sensitive person (I’m offended!!)
I read that mary croft book today thanks, someone that is finally publishing what I have been thinking for ages – how on earth has she got away with that? What do I want to do? – Stop paying tax, stop having to work for a living and stop being answerable to corrupt, perverted and greedy bastards, I would like to defend myself without fearing consequences. i want justice that is based on morals and not laws.
I agree that this life as it is, is not worth living or even fighting for, it’s too far gone. I don’t think that for me to ‘earn’ my right to a peaceful life is for me to fight for it. I was born without asking to be born, i was born onto a planet that is rightfully my home and shouldn’t have to be paid for or earned, my life should be my own and not something that I should fight for. I would rather pass this one over and if there is such a thing as re-incarnation then i’ll just look forward to the next one in the hope that things have improved. If death means nothingness (which I suspect it does) then I’m more than happy with that too, I don’t value anything that I would leave behind here and I have no love for the future. Sad and depressing I know, sorry, but that’s just me.
Niki: I read that old post (we are all evil in some way) that man is so right. I am only willing to live if I am a part of the solution, not part of the problem. We are all a part of the problem. Oh and I would love to invite you over for tea and crumpets!! You’re welcome anytime.
Thanks everyone for your kind words and I’m sorry so many people are so fed up. I have received some emails but to be honest, and despite of this post, I am actually pretty rubbish at online communication, sometimes I have big trouble explaining myself and there are days that I just close down so it’s always disjointed. I am much better in the flesh 🙂 I actually assumed my post would be attacked, so I am so pleased that so many agree with me.
Hi again Jentttar; you are right, we should not be born into a system that we have no choice over. Our basic human rights have been sold along with our natural means to exist, there is no way out of it; either find some way to put up with it, or die, there is no in-between. I wish there was, it’s something I have been looking for, the more learn the more depressed I become. Ignorance is bliss hey!
I too dislike online communication, I find it draining. I have emailed you a contact number for me if ever you feel like talking, but please don’t feel obliged to reply.
Jentttar: You are so right, we shouldn’t have to fight for our lives in any way, or even pay so damn much for it! Sometimes I feel as if I am lazy when people wanna go protesting against this that and the other, but you are right, the best protest is to simply NOT DO IT, there is actually sometimes so much action in ‘in=action’. I understand that you simply want to just ‘be’ without fighting. Love not war hey! 🙂
Jentttar: Don’t let nasty people piss you off. I’m referring the other ‘evil’ thread last night. Hope you’re okay x
I just got back from dinner with my family.
and there (at the dinner) I witnessed something that pains my heart..
and I think I’ll post a new topic for this,..but it’s still very much related with Jentttar’s beautiful post here (thanks for the kind-hearted response btw! appreciate it! god..should I flew to London or something? I’d love to have REAL-life friends like you!).
dont blame the system…blame your beliefs about the system…change the way you look at it…I try and believe we were all placed within this limitations for a reason…and that reason was to learn something….whatever it is you feel that is lacking/limiting you or you cant do…or u cant put up with…THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT….because that is the lesson you came here for…to challenge yourself…so dont give up without at least seeing what u can learn from your hardship…
Im starting to believe we all collectively created this “reality” and all these systems you see in place are merely manifestations of our collective beliefs about reality and how it should be…the “system” will always react to how your perceive it and it will give you that experience in return….
im sorry i dont know if this is making sense but i am also just getting into this idea that are thoughts and beliefs are creating our reality…and if we dont like what we are experience we need to question what beliefs of ours are creating this situation we are in….and then just change it!!! Sounds easy enough….
Im just 26…trying to make it as a creative professional/artist…
i struggle with my own creations so now im figuring ill help other people achieve theirs and maybe figure out why i cant finish what i set out to do….currenly assisting a well known fashion photographer so i can relate to your experiences in this whole “superficial scene”…
Anyway point i was making was…stop blaming things outside of yourself for situations that you do not like…
another thing that can help is to treat your personality like a chameleon does his skin…allow it to blend into whatever situation it is in…become whatever it is the situation demands you be…but remain detached in that you dont identify with it…it surely helps in situations!! and can be a bit entertaining to look at yourself become someone else…
even what you think is your “real personality” its not!!! this highly sensitve person who feels that they cannot be free and suffers through all this and resents the way the whole world is…
who said you had to limit yourself to being this person…you did… with your beliefs remember…
Id like to add one more thing….this idea that there is evil in this world that we are part of some problem…everything…is the way it is for reason…we are just conscious awareness taking part in an enormous play learning what we can through all the different characters we play as we live, dream, “die” and live again so we can gain new understanding and evolve…but to gain this understanding we have to also play so called “evil” or “bad” parts because without those experiences we will not understand the true diverseness of nature in its entirety…
so when u meet what u call a bad person or one who you call part of the problem…take into consideration that he is just playing his part in this big movie so you can experience what his unique personality which has developed through his life experience has to offer!
soundseer = I suspect that you misplaced this comment on the wrong post as it doesn’t seem to relate, but if I am wrong I would like to say this;
‘Change” what? No-one here is talking of ‘perceptions’ of a system, they are talking about facts. Maybe you should research the system (your government/laws etc) to understand what is being said in this post. If however, you feel that you DO understand the system, then I wouldn’t want to upset your little head with any other reality than the one you have now.
Just as a little start (if you’re interested and ‘able’) you could begin by looking fully into what you ‘own’ for all your hard earned money. Look at the game involving your ‘name’ – which is owned by your government, which owns everything in that name. So after your work life is over and you want to settle yourself into your hard earned home, you will quickly find out that you don’t own that at all, or anything for that matter.
So ditto to you my love, maybe try to change your reality too, for your reality is the one that lacks the most intelligence. But you seem sweet enough.
With regards to (soundsteer) : sometimes people post on here portraying to be airheaded in order to get peoples backs up. It’s very clear when people write with intelligence and when they don’t, so just don’t rise to it (which I’m sure most people wont) but ask yourself, why has this (soundsteer) not yet responded to any of the many posts that are more in their category? Hmm suspicious isn’t it? instead they first are attracted to the ones that they have no understanding of at all. How weird is that????? haha love it when I instantly see through bullshit.
my my arnt we the judgmental type…. im sorry this is my very first post in suicideproject….this i also my first time here…and this was the first post i read and i felt that i related to jennstar….i have felt pretty much the same way but i am learning to move past it so i am sharing how i helped myself….
my response was to jennstars first post in which she states “I wanted to know what the truth inside my own self was and I realised that life is for living, for enjoying and to experience everything this planet has to offer. That is what I believe to be true, everything else is man made illusions.”
I was wishing to point to out that everything this planet has to offer includes all the bullshit and evil and the problems that are talked about and looked so badly on… we are in the the very cusp of duality and must learn to understand why things are the way they are that is all…and maybe look beyond blaming other peoples actions…
@ perry…you seem quick to judge….like many others experience…maybe my online communication doesnt always come out in the way i intended it….so im sorry if you felt it lacked intelligence….
I come from one of the most most corrupt countries in the world…corruption is a way of life here and without it the country in its present state would not function…I come from a fairly well off family and we indeed have a lot to our “name”
Let me tell you not as fact by as my experience that noone owns anything…ever…For example…there is no government…you work for years to build your own house in some forest…you claim your land…there is no dispute…its yours you say and everyone agree…then one day nature comes and causes a forest fire and that house is gone…whatever you “own” is gone? whose to blame then?
soundsteer: what country do you come from? India?
There is a world of difference between loosing a house you worked your whole life for, to mother nature, and loosing it to greedy man.
I’m sorry but the fact that you say your country would not function without corruption is deeply disturbing on your part. Your country ‘as you know it’ would not function ‘how you know it to’ without corruption is a lot closer to the truth. It is a huge shame to mankind that you are so very concrete in your delusion. I don’t think the comment about your intelligence had anything to do with your ability to word a fluent and articulate comment, I think it refers to a deeper meaning.
I think Perry thinks there is something suspect about your comment because you clearly have alternative views to life than those that are mentioned here but yet you choose this thread to respond to first before any of the other posts which are more suited to your view type. it is strange, I agree with him.
ok so how it works is someone posts something and those who agree with it all say I….and so then an alternative viewpoint for the same situation is immediately rejected??
A few years ago i wanted nothing more than to leave this gode foresaken city…let all these ambitions be…go live in the mountains or some ashram somewhere..in nature…in peace…its easy to do here in india…it sounded ideal….but i am now trying not to be so limited by my own beliefs and viewpoints and observe that everyone has something to give that you can learn from…and thats what im trying see now…
If jennstar wants to live the kind of life she is talking about….its not gonna happen….not in the london…not while working in the entertainment industry…no gonna fukin happen… Come to India then Jenn…there are loads of people migarated from all over the world…many have come here feeling the same as you…they come here to find freedom….and they get it…to some extent….
There are many options for people like you …..you for example could come here live in an ashram…where its practically free….altho you do have to work to maintain the place…and then you have to work towards finding your own inner peace…There are experimental communities such as Auroville…which i suggest you check out…whose sole purpose is to live more harmoniously with the earth…
all these places are great but they all also will come with their negatives as well…which again makes me come back to my original point….we are here to love the good and learn from the bad….dont fight it…
India is a land of extreme contrast…where there is beauty and peace…..ugly chaos is just around the corner…what do you do?? If you want to see an example of people living happily despite enormous hardship and class division…come to india…and learn to be happy
If your gonna be in the city…obviously one cannot survive long if they go on hating everything about the place….
soundseer,
your spiritual enlightening I do admire, I think I could benefit somehow spiritually from your words.
About the Auroville you talked about, I googled and found that the world famous but assumed pedophile visited there 3 times.
It made me worry and I have to suspect the supernal eyes and ears of this association concerned if that related to the divine.
No wonder and you’ve been back to where you are.
As me a bystander’s view, most of your words are true, but please allow me to point out sth. for your attention.
You said things like, to work aside the evils, but personally detached, I think it’s right to work things out this way systematically. It’s just like human placards advertising, amuse yourself in your job but not to feel humiliated.
But how come in the end suggesting to India became the only choice ? This became contradicting.
I’d say where you fall, where you get up, would be the best way to handle things.
Experiencing something new, such as going to India, would be fun if treating it like a trip or tour as temporary.
The point is just where you stand, then how you should behave.
Btw, I googled franz bardon, the magician as you suggested too, from his picture, just somehow reminded me of a hero here directed us a link which included a picture of a pedophile killer.
Not long after, the people from the government soon attracted to this site too.
Also some websites concerning franz bardon are related to “The Mother” mentioned by Auroville as well, but anyways, thanks for the information. Since you’re not here to collect the vulnerable people as members, everything’s fine.
sorry i just live in india and i meet many people who come from western countries who seem happier here that is all…despite the chaos i think they find some sort of freedom they dont get in their home country…Sure I agree there are lots of other places…but im just speaking from my own experiences thats all….
Jentttar} Have you heard of the term ‘star seed’? From reading your post, I see you in this category. A star seed is someone on earth who is truly committed to their heart (ie love) which you talk of in abundance. I don’t mean to frighten you, or embarrass you with what people see as ‘new age thinking’ but I just really wanted you to at least look up this term which may help you to understand yourself and your situation a little more. You said that you have no real connection with your friends and family, I am not surprised, most star seeds feel very alone. Your heart is open in love and everything that is of this material, cold hard world will bewilder and overwhelm you in a bad way. Love holds no boundaries and you feel trapped, I understand. You need to be with your soulmates. I hope you read this.
Star seed? Does this mean ‘non-human’? Can you please explain what star seed means?
Kelly: A starseed is a human but someone who’s soul is attached to better place. Sometimes the purpose of the star seed being here is solely to remind us of our true essence – to plant seeds in our minds so to speak. To gently awaken your soul, that is their purpose. They don’t really belong here. They are never meant to stay very long.
Jentttar I know of a project that you might be interested in. I have emailed information to you, I hope you get the email, or this.
@Aa: Jentttar is rarely visiting this website anymore, so you might best reach her via her email.
She is a very lovely person, this I can attest, as I’m still in contact with her.
NIKI . . thanks! I wonder would you please draw her attention to an email that I sent to her from ‘Global’, she might think it is spam. It’s a project that she really might benefit from. It’s a large group of people that are going traveling through many ‘outbacks’ and ‘living off the land’. It’s not a hippie convention or anything, it’s people discussing the meaning of life and living amongst nature to discover if they can survive. It’s hard, but it’s an huge adventure and from reading Jentttars post I think she would be a brilliant participant. It’s not my project (I’m not into that stuff) but I know a guy at work just resigned and is preparing to go. Please would you make her aware of it niki?
@Aa: yes I surely let her know. thank you.
and can I honestly tell you that I am also VERY much interested with this project??
I’m sure many or at least some people here would be interested too,..would you perhaps make a new topic specific for this, so many here can read & be more aware?
If you don’t mind, can you please also pass the information to my email at nikiwonoto@gmail.com ? I’d gladly really appreciate it!
thank you!
Jentttar: This post of yours is amazing, it made me cry, it’s as though someone is reading my mind. If you are still around I wonder would you like to chat with me? I could REALLY do with someone like you right now. I have made a post of my own today would you read it?
Oh I’m sorry, I just saw the comment above and it seems you don’t come to this site much anymore
Niki did you hear from her today? I’ve heard nothing since yesterday, I have a bad feeling
@talktome: I’ve sent her some messages today on FB,.but she haven’t replied back..indeed,.I am somewhat worried too!
But she did mention in her last msg (which was yesterday) that she’s willing to *have a chat* with me if I told her the time when I’m free at night..this is honestly the only *hope* that she’s still alive..
I don’t know..there’re two other people from this website I know that have emailed her..but also still haven’t got any response back.
This is eerie,.now that u’ve mentioned it.
I just hope she’ll respond to my FB messages..otherwise..oh how this fucked-up world has lost another beautiful soul! (I sincerely hope she’s still alive,.just taking some time off to the temples, or meditate or something!..)
Hmm, she promised to be on skype so we could talk again, I keep checking but she hasn’t signed in there all day. It’s unsettling because she said if she’s alive she promised to sign into skype at 6.
Depressed people don’t always keep promises, she could be feeling too awful to talk to you right now maybe
She’s the least depressed person I know. She’s less depressed than all the happy people I know!
I’m very afraid that Jentttar might have already gone from this physical existence…
this is eerie.. a week ago, I was still having back-and-forth email conversations with this such rare beautiful soul,..that I could somehow even feel a sense of Peace when reading her long-detailed non-angry messages..
but now,..to know that her FB page just remains ‘silent’ like that..perhaps only her computer screen that is lit on (perhaps with this SP site on or something),..while the actual person is perhaps already gone.. this is indeed such a strange, eerie, and sad feelings…or should I actually be *happy* for her??? just as mentioned in the recent topic about this world/society doesn’t allow such Highly intelligent & Sensitive people to LIVE on and made a difference???
I fucking hate this world and mankind.
most of people are just simply shallow, obnoxious, ignorant, and stupid.
GREED and EGO seems to rule everywhere, not kindness anymore..very very rarely!
Hey niki, so sorry mate you feel so bad about this, you clearly loved her a lot. She seemed pretty cool in her thread here. I feel really sad reading your comment here and I don’t even know her, you sound so heartfelt.
You describe her as “such rare beautiful soul,” and that you had loads of email communication with her. I wonder have you been able to absorb some of that beauty you describe and maybe go on to do whatever you discussed? You met her for a reason, it has clearly moved you a lot, I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to be down, she would want you to rise up and live out your dreams?
Just a thought mate
Niki: this is sad yes, but only for who is left behind. If she was how you described her, I’m sure she’s in very good hands. I followed this post too and I thought she sounded really lovely, I was very drawn to her. I see just a few comments above that talktome says she was not depressed at all. This should really give you hope niki that she has followed her heart. She doesn’t appear bitter or confused in her writings here, so she has done the right thing for her, I’m sure. xx
@galactic: thanks for ur response.
You are right.. She did guide me -with her long-passionate emails-, and she said it all in such an eloquent, peaceful manner that could really pull out one’s inner soul hidden deep or even perhaps buried already because of all this crazy society’s expectations and the ‘System’ etc,..and let it shine out.
Of all people I’ve ever known in my current 28 yrs of life, only very few even almost to NONE, except HER, that could make my spirit/soul feel somewhat…..peaceful.
(I’m sure talktome could also fill some ‘testimonies’ about her..as she also conversed with him).
I firmly believe that she wants me to do only these simple things:
Keep living, Be myself, get rid of ego & what others people (or this damn ‘society’) think. Don’t try to change the world or system, etc. But simply just BE myself, in all pure Love, no judgmental!
I swear I could even cry right now, remembering all her beautiful messages.
I vow & promise that they won’t be forgotten!
I am grateful that in my life’s history as young as 28 yrs old now, I have ever met and known such a genuine sincere girl like her.
May her spirit always be blessed..forever.
@flowers_av: you are right.
I think I should be happy for her.
She ‘leave’ this world in such very peaceful attitude.. what a beautiful thing..
Shit this has deeply saddened me beyond words
Oh Jenttar, you actually shed some light on my life that no-one had been able to do, no family, no friends, no doctors. I have been suicidal for years and years. After reading your post I ended up discovering so many reasons why I felt the way I did – I believed that I was ‘ill’ or ‘different’ but you actually helped me to ‘see through’ all the bullshit and see what really matters. And now that I have done that, I feel love and peace entering me. I have no idea where this will lead me, but I know that I feel connected with my true spirit and it was you who showed me how to do that. You will never know this or read it but I’m saying it anyway because I have to xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
“I love life too much” – this is a phrase from her that I will always remember deep in my heart, that seems to resonate also to many people here.
She loves life (simple things in life!) too much that she just can’t see the meaning to bend-down and work for ‘The Man’ and all its fucked-up schemes for the rest of her life. She can’t stand living like that.. she loves life too much. what a beautiful & touching phrase…
Niki: I agree with that phrase and I understand it like you. Some people will read that phrase and think ‘so why not just live outside the system, like on a hill somewhere in a far away remote country’ but that’s not possible, nor is it what she means. She wanted to be free, free to be wherever she wants, free to do whatever she wants, but she knew that if she did that, she would be vilified. She refused to tow the line because she LOVED LIFE TOO MUCH
I think it’s the most respectful and poetic expression about life I have ever heard.
How beautiful for her, I am so pleased for her (even a little jealous). But I still have attachments to the material world, not many, but a few. These attachments are necessary and vital to your spiritual growth and also to others. I’m sure Jentttar has awoken many spirits in those she has known here on earth, she evidently did so on this site. I can bet that was her purpose in life.
It is a monumental human task to fully connect with your true spirit, and it is the only purpose to your life here. You mustn’t become too distracted with the concerns of this world, only those of your spirit.
R.I.P Jentttar, I’m sorry that mankind couldn’t look after you better so that we would have had you longer.
I’m sad and not surprised. A person like her just wouldn’t be ABLE to live well in this superficial world. Society has a wicked way of pushing them out, cause it fears them, heaven forbid they should wake people up to what’s happening. I hope Jentttar has woken some people up.
Jesus! just this week I’ve been researching famous suicides, only to conclude just last night that it seems that most of these people feel so trapped by what society expects of them. I then ended up researching this indigo children and star seed thing that keeps being discussed on here, and yeah, I truly believe now that we are really fucking it up for really nice people who just want to be free and follow their hearts and soul – why don’t we allow them to do that? It’s as upsetting to me as the fact that we slaughter beautiful animals, do we really have no regard for anything pure and beautiful in this fucking world?
Well I’m sure Jentttar is better where she is than being here, I’m almost jealous myself. No fuck it, I AM jealous, I just haven’t found the balls to really do it yet.
In memoirs of her, I have planned to honor all her inspirations,
by not letting it STOP only until here. I want to do so MUCH more with everything she has left and inspired me….maybe *that* could be my one biggest purpose of *living* still in this physical existence.
I am seriously thinking of posting all her inspirations, and this topic-post on some Personality-Type and other forums that I’m frequently visiting, and I’ll also post ‘em in my own personal Blog, that I’m currently planning to create….it’s all also in memoirs of all these wonderful, beautiful people here (especially those who have died).
Their knowledges & ideas won’t STOP only here! It needs to grow further and further, so more people and hopefully the world (& future generations) would get to know more about these ‘truths’, also about our sickening society!
Somebody, WE, each of US, who have heard and read all these important informations, have a CHOICE to DO and ‘honor’ these info and memoirs, or just to STOP and disregard/ignore/throw it away.
I’ll choose the former,..no matter what will happen..it’s really *worth* it!
People need to know about these ‘truths’, instead of forever damn hidden and hence ‘abused’ by all those ‘The Man/System’s clever schemes, plans & trickeries. Heck no, and enough is enough!
For humanity!
“(Never underestimate the importance of an idea). An idea is like a virus. Resilient…highly contagious. The smallest seed of an idea can grow.â€
~ Inception
and I’ll post this link on her Facebook page so all her ‘superficial’ real-life friends could read what makes her do this..and hopefully *learn* some lessons from this (instead of asking her to go partying, go drunk, etc..my..how I’m even sad to read her friends’ posts on her FB wall!).
All her friends should know her sincere heartfelt thoughts about this life and society!
No more secret!
I spoke with Jenttar for hours verbally and through emails. I was suicidal and although she never tried to talk me out of it, she managed to make me love life in a way that I wasn’t open to before. She made me laugh (a lot!) and she calmed me. Nobody has touched my soul so deeply in my whole life, like she did in a few weeks! The world is a sadder place without her yes, but I for one am a happier and more hopeful person because of her, so she has left behind good things.
She’s in a much better place. This place is shit, i don’t blame anyone for committing suicide
This has made me really really really sad
You have to be cold hearted and pretty ruthless or happy to be superficial, to live well in this world. Wherever she is, she’s in a better place than this one.
http://www.spiritofmaat.com/archive/aug2/sciproof.htm
R.I.P Jenttar
Niki just think that she might be safe with your friend splinter, you loved splinter so much I’m sure he will be waiting to greet any friend of yours with open arms xx
I only emailed with Jenttar for a few days. She lifted my mood effortlessly. She laughed at my chosen suicide method, lol.
For my own selfish reasons I wish I could continue to have our chats. But for her, I hope she finds the freedom she so desired.
OMG; is she gone? How do we know? What happened? Maybe she’s in a hospital somewhere and is unable to respond? A beautiful person, for sure; does anyone know?
^^ Who knows. I actually thought she was dead last week because she suddenly stopped replying to me. Then I saw niki comment here that he’d been emailing her through facebook and I felt relieved to know she was still alive. So……perhaps she is still alive…..
Can Niki confirm?
@Anon13, barry & surrealist: all I know is she usually responded to my FB msg pretty quick, even in one single day she could write me multiple msg in such detailed passionate way (it’s clear that she cared for my well-being).
But now it’s been past two days she hasn’t wrote any single msg,.not even a short one..
And moreover, talktome, who seems to be more personally in-touch with her, has also said above that she hasn’t been online as she’s promised him a day ago (she said “IF she”s still alive”).
So I’m afraid these all point to a one thing: she might not be alive anymore..
I know this is probably hard to believe,.especially for such a calm, peaceful person like her..but then I stepped back & thought that she has posted on a site like this,.so what makes me assume she won’t choose this path?..
As hard it is to believe,.we have to let her go..
Perhaps it’s meaningful to know & remember that she did all of this in most calm, peaceful way possible..so we know that she probably is happier now.. Let’s honor & respect her decision,.& what marks she’s left inside all & every one of us here.
Now she will know what the truth is.
great post
5/5