Hes right “in the end, you only got yourself”
All my life, I tried being myself, it didn’t work. I tried being someone else, it didn’t work. And just to end up in pain, all my life i wanted to earn ones trust. I’m kind to everyone, I do everyone favors. All i want is a true friendship. Like i don’t know, everyone don’t consider me as a friend. I lie to myself like I have great friends. pretending everyone was great friends, and always pretending the tears, I have every night are tears of joy. No one understand me. IM friggin gay, not bisexual I only say that to i feel more accepted. I can’t believe everyone would think that. Everything I did, was for nothing, me perving girls? Oh wow, I would have never thought that i would perv anyone. I guess, people are just prejudice, I don’t even or ever thought of perving anyone, and if something like that was gonna happen it was unplaned for. And when he perves ppl, I don’t see anything. Maybe hes smarter, hes smart he plans and take advantages of things. And I’m an honest person, never take advantage of people, Always following the saying treat other ;ile how you like to be treated. Like i don’t know, everyone calls me stupid, But u really can’t change ur personality. I tried to be a different person, trying so i would be wanted. And this is what i get being a cused of perving girls. When i have no intrest in girls. Why do i say im a bisexual? I can’t accept it letting ppl know who i am, so i say im bisexual to be more accepted by others by my peers. But in the end what do i get. Just to be hated. And i can’t tell anyone how i feel, because i have no one i can trust. right now i really don’t even no if im making sense anymore. Why? can’t anyone understand me, for once, why can’t there be someone that would understand me. Everytime, everyone say something it hurts, if i really did perv them why does it hurt so much? Why do i always feel these pain. And i would that thought the girl that I told almost everything, have to end up thinking i perved her. I don’t believe in justice or god anymore. Why believe, when your just just gonna end up being disapointed?
In the end, only you know yourself, know else will, not even your best friend.
Sometime you don’t need friends. Without friends you can’t feel pain.
But friends, can also bring happiness, But i realized, that these happiness are fake, and the price you have to pay for these fake emotions are pain.
I have experience enuff pain and now ready to die.
5 comments
just because ur gay doesn’t mean u have to die…….i’m straight but i’m still gonna kill myself when my job is accomplish…but i’m looking for the best place to enjoy it…..
dont hide who you really are! my friend was bisexual then gay and he was so afraid to tell his parents but when he did they were supportive!!! people are full of surprises u dont know how they will react and anyways ya kno tha saying it doesn tmatta wat people think..only what you think of urself!
What you are feeling is quite common, Stealth. I worked for a long time in a gay bar in Atlanta and came to know the men that frequented there quite well. They were charismatic, interesting, attractive and very talented and successful people. Many of them struggled with the same feelings you do. I went through an identity crisis with my own sexuality for many years and concluded that I am bi-sexual, although I have no feeling that I must label my self and have never except right this second identified myself to another person as that. Fact is, our sexuality is personal to ourselves and no one else’s business. We love who we love and we are attracted to who we are attracted to- it is of no consequence to other people. If someone wants to judge you because you are attracted to men and would prefer them in romantic associations over women, I have to wonder what kind of person they are and would feel sad for that person as they are clearly very close minded and obviously not happy if they can so easily judge another person for something that is none of their business. People are going to think what they will think. My friend always told me “what other people think of you is none of your business.” He was right. Be yourself and stand firm in who you are and just be authentically you. Let other people live as they will and say what they will and pay them no mind. I understand how you feel because in the years I had a girl friend people always wanted to call me a lesbian and I kept a sense of humor about it and told them- I just love who I love, call it whatever you would like. I got invited to many things and learned that it was just a curiosity to people who were very sheltered in their lives and had not been exposed to much.
as far as thinking you must die. no. you have a whole life ahead of you and let me tell you- living authentically as who you are and just looking upon others opinions as the bullshit that they are….that will open up a whole new way of viewing your own life and living with more joy. many of my wonderful regulars went through what you are now, but they emerged from it stronger than ever and you will too.
pain is just an indicator that there is something that is not working for us in our lives- something we must change.
feel free to email me if you ever need to talk. I am here and I do understand.
Don’t give a shit about what other people think. It’s pretty damn cool that you are gay…Much better than pretending you’re not, getting a wife, having kids etc and shaking up peoples lives down the track cos you couldn’t be true to who you are.
I have over 12 gay or lesbian friends and I would count over half of them as being good friends, I have about 3 bi sexual friends and I myself have just come to accept that maybe I’m a bit more than bi-curious. SO MANY CATEGORIES…I think I’m pansexual? (Or maybe I just live in a weirdo place where it’s strange if you’re just straight lol)
I DON’T KNOW!! Just try not to define yourself as your sexuality. You are you because of your personality and things about you…You just happen to be gay as well, and if people can’t accept you for that, screw ’em. Just find people that can accept you for being you and all that tiresome work of pretending to be someone else will be gone!!
PS, stay away from fag hags…
im also straight and im gonna die too. ive been reading the book “by the time you read this ill be dead” and its giving me such great advice on how to! i suggest anybody who wants to succeed to read this book. i will not fail again. no i did not attempt suicide i failed. this time ill complete my goal.