realization

I felt as if I let go of myself that my whole world would fall apart. I closed my eyes to try to block out my surroundings. An old memory floated to the front of my ming. Soon afterward, i was enveloped in it. I was seven, approaching the eve of my eighth birthday. I was in Chamber 5, my dorm, with my roommate, 219265, and she had thought to make me something, which was against the Protocall. She had said that  she had taken over a month to complete it, under complete secrecy. She handed me a small parcel, which was poorly wrapped with paper and scraps of cloth taken from sheets. I opened it and inside was a small blue stone set in wire, to make a bracelet. I had never seen anything so beautiful. When I asked her where she got the stone, she looked at the floor and replied quietly, “I don’t have a clue, I have had it since i came here.” We all knew that she came from Outside, we remembered when she arrived. Funny thing is she didn’t remember when anything from her life Outside, even though she was thirteen when she arrived.

Those of us who come from Inside, you can tell that we have never seen beyond the blackened windows of the orphanage. There is a certain light in the Outsiders eyes that we don’t have in here, but eventually that light fades, and their eyes become blackned and hard as stone. Someone knocked on our door, and 219265 whispered quietly to me, “Protect the sone with your life, as i have protected yours.” What she said to me didn’t make any sense to me at the time, but one thing was for sure, I would give up my life for my roommate, so i would do as she said. The door cracked open, making a creaking sound as it moved. One of the boardsmen had come to take one of us away, this you could tell by his hardened expression.

“You, here, now.” He spoke as he shook his head towards me. I slowly got up and started to walk uneasily towards him. No one had spoken to me with that much authority since my last visit with Headmaster, and i was scared.

“Where are you taking her?” asked 219265, and i could tell she was seriously concerned.

“Where we are going is no place for pests. So keep your nose out of my business.” He said angrily as he grabbed my arm and started to pull me out of my room. All of a sudden, my roommate jumped up and grabbed my other arm and was holding me there. The man let go of my arm to turn around to attack her. I was pushed onto my bed, and was told to stay there. When my roommate approached the boardsman, he grabbed her arm and slammed her into the ground. I could see her struggling to get up to face the man. When she finally managed to get to her feet, the boardsman punched her face, When she turned arounf to face me, her mouth was bleeding, and her cheek was starting to bruise.

While she was still facing me, before she could turn around, the man grabbed her arm and twisted it behind her back. My roommate let out a scream of agony, which brought a smile to her captors face. So thats how it was, he enjoyed other peoples pain. “I’ll come back for you later, be expecting me.” And with that, he dragged her down the hall. I threw my head into my pillow and screamed. I had never seen someone so brutally attacked like that, which scared me, because it made me think of the numerous things they could do to harm me and not one person lift a finger against them. I never saw 219265 after that night. The memory shook me up more than me being moved to this new room had. I hadn’t thought of that memory since i was eight. Now it haunted me more than ever. Every time i closed my eyes, the scenes of that night flashed in fornt of me.

something similar happened to my sister when she was thirteen and i was ten. this is just an excerpt from my book im writing and i realized i write too much about whats going on inside my head in my book and then i let others read it and sometimes it scares me that i do that.