If you come here wondering why we do it, here’s some answers:
We tried to stay.
We reached out for help and were told we couldn’t be helped. We were told our insurance wasn’t accepted or we couldn’t afford treatment. We were treated less valuable than others who could hold a job and / or were able / willing to go into debt.
We tried to tell someone. Here. In emails, letters, text messages, phone calls. Sometimes it was just a few words but it was the best we could do. It was hard to know just what to say.
We tried to show someone. We cut. We starved. We were angry. We cried. If you ever thought it was for attention, you didn’t understand which is very different than not caring. Had you understood I’m sure you would have cared, too.
We tried to stay. For ourself and for you but we couldn’t. No one reached back, no one heard and no one saw.
No one.
5 comments
Really well said x
I’d counter that most people we reach out to are paralyzed by fear of doing/saying the wrong thing so they hide/run and hope nothing “bad” happens … the less they “know” the more they can say “I didn’t know” … they don’t want and can’t bear the responsibility for possibly thinking they might have “done something wrong” that might have caused us to go over the edge.
That, and maybe we didn’t do a very good job of leading them down the path to “understanding” … either way … it is not and should not be “their fault”
Our choice for a course of action is squarely on us … and no one else. Sure, situations contribute to us feeling like we’re in a place where we’re left with little choice … but there is always a choice … of course by the time we get to where death is a viable choice, the other choices aren’t much better.
At the end of the day – the only person we can trust to act in our best interest is us … me for me … you for you.
“help” often comes when others can overtly SEE what we’re trying to do … when they don’t have to “figure out” what we’re trying to achieve
Example:
1. A person is sitting next to a box – thinking “Boy, I wish someone would help me move this box”
2. A person is struggling to move a box – thinking “Boy, I wish someone would help me move this box”
A passer-by sees each of the above scenarios … who do you think the passer-by will most likely assist (assuming that the passer-by would be willing) without being asked?
Person 2 is much more likely to be offered assistance without prompting – because the struggle, difficulty, requirements is clear and obvious. a person wants to move a box and clearly cannot … that doesn’t make person 1 any less in need of assistance … but most passers-by see the simple but futile attempt of a person struggling for a positive result as “more worthy” of being offered assistance because they are “trying” … trying … is all in the optics … how does it appear on those who happen by? … it doesn’t matter if it’s obvious that no single person could ever manage to move the box on his own. What matters is what it LOOKS like needs doing and how easily the passer-by can assess what help they can offer and move along with their day.
Because let’s face it – most people are selfish and don’t want to “give” anything – or offer anything if they don’t have a pretty good idea of what the limit of aid is required. People will help where they do not have to when the task is defined and finite … when it is abstract and open ended – they RUN as far and fast as they can … they’ll cross the street, look away and plug their ears. Don’t believe me? Watch how people pass by a panhandler without even seeing or acknowledging … we’ve been conditioned for this type of response … don’t “get involved” We actually have to fight our conditioning to reach out and help others because of how we’ve been “trained” throughout life to focus only on ourselves.
And although there is a survivalist instinct within us that comes natural … i also think that there is a social, collaborative instinct as well – but we’ve been conditioned against this natural instinct to help others.
The only way to override this conditioned response to AVOID helping others … is to create an an overbearing visual scenario that displays what is needed from the potential helper that will give him/her the easiest path to quickly assess the situation in a manner that gives the potential helper an overbearing sense that they will have done something good and positive but has a defined end point so they can feel accomplished and they can move on and feel good about themselves.
Of course, most of us here need lots of help that has no clear definition or end point… so people who pass by … pass by … because it’s too much to ask and it offends their conditioning … they take the position that “I did it without (much – they always forget they needed a little help at minimum) help … you should be able to too – besides, i don’t have time”
So to sum up … it might be easier to ask ten people for one dollar … than to ask one person for $10 or two people for $5 … especially if you’re standing there with a few dollars in your hand so they get the impression you “just a little short” but you’ve done most of the work already
This is why dogs are WAY better than people … they don’t weigh the value of things … you can give them one hour of love and attention a day – and they will love you for 24 hours a day in return
reality dawg
Dawg: There are people who are supposed to be trained to help. That’s what I meant when I spoke of insurance and debt. These people should certainly know better.
So, my rant speaks to the masses to say, we did try. We went to those trained and were turned away.
Sorry I wasn’t clear… coming from the mind of someone who isn’t thinking as deeply as you. Thanks.
I knew what you meant in regards to “professionals” … most of them are in it for the money – it’s that simple … if they can’t fix it with a pill and you have no insurance well, you’re on your own … because they don’t take the challenge for the challenge – because it doesn’t fit the “textbook” and there is no “payoff” to them … so it’s all hit or miss … that’s why i focused on human nature and laypeople. You can’t fight greed – you can only feed it or starve it.
hungry dawg
So, there needs to be an organization that helps people discover and manifest their own personalized and unique “meaning” for their lives, so that they can then naturally motivate themselves toward something that’s worth failing repeatedly until success, and is rewarding throughout the struggle to achieve.
How do we bypass the stifling barrier of subsistence, so that we can lead meaningful and therefore motivated lives?
How can we get enough of the right people to ask the right questions, so that some sort of established system of aid is the result?
How can we determine who is “just sad,” and who is simply tired of being miserable and unfulfilled, and has no other way out?
How do you motivate someone to create their own worthy, meaningful purpose, when they are already disinterested and on their way out?
How do you “teach someone to fish,” if they have lost the will to sustain themselves?