Why do people see suicide as a “tragic loss?” This question has constantly plagued me when I have succumbed to the desire to live. Some of us do. Perhaps we don’t see the world as others do. Perhaps we just understand that living is wonderful but death is not scary. Is it better to live with disease hoping for a cure that may never come without experiencing severe side effects? And even if one feels the woes of these effects the disease returns to ravage us. The disease may be cancer or even something hidden…what most call “depression” may often be a different reality.
What happens when you have lived a great life, but never truly “fit” in. Fleeting moments of happiness perhaps caught on someone’s camera lens are but a reminder of a life well lived, but never really felt. What of the lonely? The elderly? Why is it horrible to consider a shorter end to what would have been a drawn out tragedy of sorts?
I for one look at the beauty of life, the gift…but when one tires of the day to day…not the quick loss of love, divorce or a job loss but the constant struggle of looking for that tommorow that never seems to differ from today. How often do you get up and try again? For the sake of your loved ones? What if you have only family who seldom call and have a life of their own? What if you tire of the constant quest for friendships or love that never seems to pan out? Or that job around the horizon that ends up being more horrible than the last? Is there ever a gracious time to “throw in the towel?” Why is this viewed as weakness or a “sin” or bad “karma?” No I am not raped and murdered in Darfur, no I am not starving in Africa, no my family was not killed in front of me in Iraq…does this make me selfish for contemplating an end to a seemingly lonely and underpar life? Money flows in, another pair of exquisite shoes…but life if not felt from the core of my being, if only felt as a daily grind in a lonely haze of nowhereness is not worth clinging to yet another hope of tomorrow that only seems to mimic today. Forgive us for our sins and pain but sometimes we do want it all to just stop in hopes of trying again.