just me

I tried to commit suicide 3 years ago and well again i am falling into it, my life is so messed up and i just dont know which way to turn. My husband is more interested in other women and leaving for days at a time and my children live in another state with their father and they are going thru bad times. My daughter is in and out of foster care and being beat and mistreated, my son is so sweet and cute but has hard times with his dad also. I love my kids so much and havent seen them in years but do write them over line and talk to them on the phone when their dad lets them. My husband just left me again for someone else and decided to come home again and I just cant deal with this life. My parents want nothing to do with my kids or my situation here at home and that really hurts. I am a girl who loves all and would do anything for anyone but Im tired. My husband thinks that i am fat, ugly, and calls me a retard. I never use to feel like this. A few years ago, I tried to commit suicide and when I came home from the hospital, I found another woman living in my home. They packed my stuff up in garbage bags and told me to leave. They destroyed my wedding pics and my childrens pics. Im afraid to be alone and i know its wrong to committ suicide and i am a christian and dont want to go to hell and i dont want my babies to go thru more than they are but I just dont know what else to do. Everyone here thinks that it is just a laughing matter. What do I do now, where , how, I just dont know anymore and I just dont want around it anymore. I do love my kids and believe it or not, I still love him.