hopeless

i am feeling like everything that i do is wrong and my parents are having marrige problems and i watched my momdye and i am still in love with my x girlfriend ai dated for 4 years and my dad and mom think that i can just stop feeling deppressed and my girl now is some help in dealing with my thoughts and i feel like it is my fault that my mom died when i was 16 and then my aunt terri died and my grandparents on both sides of my family died and then my unborn child and one of my x s died to and my best friend died and i been told all thru my life that i dont have enough problem in my life to commit suicide i just feel all alone i can talk to my dad but he half lestins to me and my stepmom half listens and i just want to be with my mom in death so much i miss my mom everyday and i just think that my family would be better off without me my friends think that i just have to think happy but i cant always and i have tried to kill myself in the past and it never worked i tried over 50 times over the years im 25 and i am learning to deal with life but its very hardi just think that my family would sometimes be better off without me but they tell me that they would miss me so much but i think that there just saying it anyways i am going thru therapy now and i am learning to deal with these problems.i just feel hopeless all the time but i am trying to deal with it