I am in my 30s and single. I have never had a relationship and have a meaningless job. I long to have a husband to care about and a job I want to wake up and go to. Is that too much to ask? I recently lost a love of my life. Though he may not be the only one, I doubt I can stand losing another, so he may be the last. I’m not a bad person. I may be simple in my desires, to love and be loved, but is that so wrong? I feel like there is a playbook to life that nobody gave me. Worse, I feel like I am just taking up space, like the village idiot. I don’t have the courage to kill myself but I don’t know how to change my life. I have survived abuse, rape, drugs, abandonment only to just take up space and waste it.