suicide is jx dumbbb.

I want to care, I want to change. I care so much about others, and also about trying to care for myself, at least just a small fraction of what I do for a friend, stranger, kin, fly, even a murderer or rapist. With anybody else I can sympathise and reach out for empathetically, but I am not able to evoke the same emotion within my own soul; nor mind; nor physical body. It’s like my whole being is resisting and just trying to cope and stay strong because I don’t wanna hurt anybody else. But every single day, this struggle gets harder and harder as the dark of this ‘hovering’ existence gradually overshadows the desire to keep fighting; to wait for the, desire and will to keep on maneuvering this empty shell that runs on automatic every day. This lack of want is the condition of my being that takes away the ‘point’ or whatever it is we are in search of in the wider metaphysical world ‘out there’. I’ve made great achievements, but now I have become unable to do anything, there is no force to do so left. No fight is harder than the one to keep on fighting every single day. I want to want to live so much, that I almost envy your ignorance of other people’s life worlds by viewing our experienced existence as no more than a pattern of behavior and not as a condition one wants more than anything to try keep away.
I hope you never have to experience that someone close to you commits suicide, cause then I think you might reconsider the view you currently inhabit.
Rather than judge you could try to understand without categorizing, and be happy that they resort to dealing with their frustration through sharing the dark thoughts they try to chase away, rather than actually killing themselves.