I feel out of options. I am a 16 year old guy and I am actually thinking of suicide. It’s ridiculous, and I know this, but I am in a lot of pain.
On April 27, 2007, (during my freshman year of high school) I began dating a girl. She was a senior at the time, and is beautiful. I didn’t know at the time, but I would eventually fall deeply in love with this girl. She was my first everything. Real girlfriend, kiss, and she even took my virginity. This girl was my world.
Flash forward to January 3rd, 2009. Out of seemingly nowhere, she breaks up with me. It was so hard. A week later, she delivers a letter to me. This letter contains basically all her feelings for me summed up in a sort of goodbye, but there was one statement that would begin my decline. “I cheated and lied more then you know.” This was it. I was aware of one previous incident of her cheating, and it was in June 2007 during her senior week. But this statement caused me to cry harder than I ever had, and to feel worse than I ever had. It even turns out she had fooled around with my best friend, whom she currently likes but won’t date out of respect for me.
Unfortunately, this brings me to the present. My first love has broken up with me after 20-odd months, and admits to cheating and lying for nearly the entire time. Including some with my best friend. I know it’s dumb to be this upset over a girl, but I’m so confused. I want her back, but she doesn’t feel the same. She continues to be my best friend, but still.
I am honestly starting to see suicide as a legit option. And it’s so scary. I don’t want these feelings, and I don’t want these insane thoughts. That’s almost the worst part…having thoughts you know are irrational but still having urges to act on them.
Thanks for reading.
Dave.
5 comments
im so sorry for your pain and i know what your going thru and i apologize my boyfriend just broke up with me to sweetheart but suicide is so not the answer and its not going to make anything at all better i promise if you would like to talk more im here okay you can reach me at sabrinachavez37@yahoo.com k write me whenever k lots o love Sebrina L.
Dude, let me tell you that this is NOT a good reason. I was married to the same time of woman and now I look back and wonder why I felt so down. I just recently broke up with a woman of 5 years, longer than my marriage, and I feel like crap. Hence, I am here. But, I saw your post and wanted to tell you that high school is small cakes. You have SO MUCH ahead of you, I used to think the same way as you. I garuntee that you will meet so many women in your life. Each one will give you so much love but some will break your heart. Its the love that we live for. Its that love that you must keep going for. I know I cant help with the current situation but I promise you will find someone that will make this seem small. Good luck brother.
Hi,
i don’t know if you will read this or not, and i guess i don’t even know the true reason for me writing this, but i want to nevertheless. Uhm..where to start.. like you said yourself, suicide is ridiculous, even though at times it seems like the best escape. Your situation isn’t unique, i too, like many others, have gone through devastating and heart breaking breakups. I have also found that, although i’m fucking sick of getting hurt, i have gained something from every relationship and breakup. If nothing else, atleast i know now that i should be more cautious. I’m 17 myself, (and a girl) and just three weeks ago i found out that the guy i was in love with was cheating on me. We had been together for over a year, and this relationship was an important one to me. The week after i found out, i confronted him about it, and to this day we do not speak or act like we used to. The truth is my heart wants to forgive him, and i don’t want to be angry at him. I do not want to bore you with my story, i just want to let you know that during all my breakups, suicide did seem like the easiest answer, but if i did kill myself, i would have missed out on all the little experiences in my other relationships. They may not seem like much to you when you are feeling upset and confused, but when you can think clearly, you realise that it’s better to be hurt and feel happiness, then to not be hurt and feel nothing at all. That’s what they all say, anyway. I didn’t believe them at first, but after a while, i realised what they were talking about. I guess you’re probably saying to yourself what the fuck does a 17-year-old know? Well, i’ve certainly been hurt a lot, and i can relate to what you are going through,so i guess in a way, that’s enough.
The main reason for me writing this is to tell you that no, suicide is not the answer. :/
It may seem like shit news to you now, but trust me, you would be making a bigger mistake killing yourself. Going through with life and accepting the fact that you will face many situations where your heart would be getting hurt and your feelings would be crushed may not seem so nice, but it’s all part of being human. And don’t forget about that other part of life, the one you were feeling when you were in love and when you were happy with your girlfriend, the one i felt when i was happy in my relationships, the feeling that is worth getting hurt for.
I hope you read this, i know that when i am in your situation, reading something like this would atleast make me step back and look at things a little differently, if not make me feel better.
So, just remember, while this isn’t the first heartache you will feel, and the first breakup you will face, it isn’t the last chance at happiness you will have, and the last time you can be happilly in love with someone…
If you feel like talking, or whatever, my msn is :
im.mad.about.you@hotmail.co.uk
:]
i hope you take in what i’ve said and i hope that anything i’ve said made a difference to you…
Kay.
Thank you so much everyone…I feel a lot better. I still have issues to work out, but I know suicide is not the answer.
I owe you all a lot. Thank you for your kind words, and for reaching out.
I know I don’t know you, but thank you, and God Bless.
May life improve, Dave.