I feel out of options. I am a 16 year old guy and I am actually thinking of suicide. It’s ridiculous, and I know this, but I am in a lot of pain.
On April 27, 2007, (during my freshman year of high school) I began dating a girl. She was a senior at the time, and is beautiful. I didn’t know at the time, but I would eventually fall deeply in love with this girl. She was my first everything. Real girlfriend, kiss, and she even took my virginity. This girl was my world.
Flash forward to January 3rd, 2009. Out of seemingly nowhere, she breaks up with me. It was so hard. A week later, she delivers a letter to me. This letter contains basically all her feelings for me summed up in a sort of goodbye, but there was one statement that would begin my decline. “I cheated and lied more then you know.” This was it. I was aware of one previous incident of her cheating, and it was in June 2007 during her senior week. But this statement caused me to cry harder than I ever had, and to feel worse than I ever had. It even turns out she had fooled around with my best friend, whom she currently likes but won’t date out of respect for me.
Unfortunately, this brings me to the present. My first love has broken up with me after 20-odd months, and admits to cheating and lying for nearly the entire time. Including some with my best friend. I know it’s dumb to be this upset over a girl, but I’m so confused. I want her back, but she doesn’t feel the same. She continues to be my best friend, but still.
I am honestly starting to see suicide as a legit option. And it’s so scary. I don’t want these feelings, and I don’t want these insane thoughts. That’s almost the worst part…having thoughts you know are irrational but still having urges to act on them.
Thanks for reading.