Which and How Much

I feel the pain, too. And I have tried to end my life, I came very close with a car wreck once where I just went limp and let my car plow into a parked tractor trailer truck at 80 miles per hour. I had to get a helicopter to a hospital and almost died. I didn’t feel regret even then, except that it hadn’t worked. I didn’t feel relieved to recover at an incredible rate.

I tried again afterwards, this pills this time. Someone found me and took me to the hospital just in time to keep me alive.

But even though I have had many near death experiences (most of which involve suicide attempts), it was not until recently that I realized suicide is not the only option.

It doesn’t have to be a life of avoiding and enduring sadness and pain.

I know things have happened to you and you have been hurt. I don’t know how, and I can’t possibly know how much you hurt.

I know that I have hurt before, and that things have happened to me, so I can relate to how you feel.

And I know that I am one of those faces in the crowd that you think doesn’t care about you.

But I do care about you and if I saw you out and about and knew you were hurting I would come talk to you anbd offer a hug and maybe even try to get you dance and laugh with me (somehow, someway, I bet I could get you to do a silly little jig even if just to get me off of your back..but once you do a jig, it gets contagious and a smile creeps up on your face, it always does).

There’s more to life than sadness.

It’s like poetry. It IS poetry. I can look at a building (the same one you are looking at) and see a completely different thing.

To you, it might be this towering thing that is just another overwhelming object there to seemingly taunt and hate you, or it might be another one of those gloomy objects in life that just make you feel worse and worse the more you see. I’ve been there, I’ve gone for walks and as peaceful as walking is supposed to be it just seems like not only pointless but counterproductive, everything turns into this gloomy horrible thing and it seems like that is all there is to see about it.

Just do me a favor and try to see how there are things that are not designed to make you sad. You may find that many of them have the full intent of cheering you up.

Birds, the wind, beautiful noises and smells.

There just for you to take in and embrace. And many of them are there just waiting for you to allow them to embrace you.

There’s lots of people out here that care about you and want to help you see that pain is not the only thing around, and that you are capable of finding love and happiness of for about and to this life.

I promise you, this gets better. You will heal. Just allow yourself to open your heart (as much as it feels like it is hurting to do so). Go out in the daytime and fully open your heart, let any love that is around flow into you and let any lovethat you have flow out and embrace everything that you see.

Look in the mirror and let yourself love the image you see.

You are a good and beautiful person and I believe in you.

I don’t have to know you, it isn’t gibberish, it isn’t hogwash, it is Truth with a capital T because the only truth that matters is Love (that’s L-O-V-E).

We are all connected and I want to see you get through this and heal and help the rest of us spread love to others that feel the way you do right now.

I used to feel alone and lost and overwhelmed and in excruciating physical and emotional pain and I still have bouts of that!

But that is not my life anymore! It comes, and then it goes! No sense in holding on to pain!

Please, I know how hard it is to TRY to feel happiness, and I know how easy it is to roll your eyes at a silly ridiculous over the top cheesy comment like this.

But listen to what I’m saying just a little bit; what can it hurt? To hear my words?

I’m speaking from my heart to your heart. Not to slice it up, not to hurt it, not to give it bad advice or to prank it or to do anything negative.

I want to know change in this world because of you. Good change. I know that you are a kind person and a good person and a beautiful person.

I think you are my friend. I don’t care what you think, you do not have to approve of my friends. I approve of my friends and I believe in them.

I believe in you.

You will get through this. Don’t try to smile. Just let yourself.

Even though I am being silly and whimsical in the most redundantly ridiculous senses of the word, just let me dance with you a moment as you read this.

Just let yourself smile a little and believe the genuine truth of the matter that I do love you and want you to smile to and from and with and for me and the rest of us.

I love your smile, even though I have never seen it. I have never met a smile I didn’t like.

I bet yours shines through galaxies when you let it grow on your face.

I bet your smile is so powerful it can make pigeons comically fall out of the sky.

Please, just try not to build up those walls around your soul anymore. Let them crumble down. I promise you it gets better from this point on.

Not only can you have a life without pain, you can have a life of joy.

It’s true!

Anyway, hope you get to feeling better soon.

Do me a favor, though. If this helped at all, even a fraction of a smile or tiny grain of a heart-tingling, even a small smidgeon of temporary happiness..

if it helped at all, I want you to turn around and help me help others, too.

Even if we have to take super small steps, we will eventually grow our hearts to epic proportions and take this life by storm!

Embrace it! Dance for no apparent reason! Smile!

We love you!