long road to heaven

  July 7th, 2009 by long road to heaven

well…where to start…i have been on this earth for 37 years and have nothing to show for it…well that’s how i see it anyway…i was sexually, physically and mentally abused as a child by the lady and family that adopted me.  You ever read “A Child Called It”?  well, my story wouldn’t be much different.  Since i have visited this site and read a few stories, i have began to see things a little different.  i have a daughter that is suicidal and i can’t figure out why…she is beautiful and smart and so sweet and thoughtful. i have made it my life goal not to raise her in any way that i was raised, i give her everything that i can give her…i talk to her and she always says things are good and that she is happy.” i know that everyone has sucidal thoughts…anyone that says otherwise is not being true to you or themselves”…i havemy share of them, but have always wanted to be there for my girls and give them the Mom i never had.  i know i mess up from time to time,  but then again… i am only going  on instinct and not guidance from “a Mom”.  i don’t know what to do!  If only i could help her to see how important living is…my life is only complete because of my girls…i don’t know what i would do if anything ever happen to them.  i sometimes think about dying…but would never want the girls to have to deal with that…maybe thinking that they had something to do with it…is enough to keep me alive as long as they are…if there is anyone who has any suggestions, please express them.  i would like to be able to die at an old age knowing that my girls are happy and that i was able to be there for them.  i still struggle everyday with the haunting thoughts and most of the time would like to escape it all…it gets so hard to resist sometimes…i don’t want my daughter to have these feelings forever…                                   how can i help her…                                                                                                                                           i listen but can’t seem to understand or see her pain…                                                                                       i know her pain is different from mine…

please is there anyone with any insite that can help me

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