Don’t know what to do

  October 25th, 2009 by hauntingyou

I don’t know what to do anymore. Here’s why:

1: I’m a SI (self-injurer) and I just cannot seem to stop. No matter how hard I try. I have scars everywhere. I feel like a freak. I try to hide the scars, but everyone in school keeps asking me if I’m EMO. I hate it!!!

2: I have Anorexia Nevosa. I hate it!!! I just want to be beautiful. But when I look in the mirror……..all I see is this fat, ugly, horrible person. It never goes away!!! I never seem to sleep, even though I know I do. My aunt makes me eat. She’s been so hard on me since I told her. It’s ruining my life!!!

3: There’s a voice………in my head. It keeps whispering to me. It says: “Your a fat pig” We’ve worked hard for this, don’t give up” “One more pound and you’ll look like an elephant” “Everybody hates you” “YOur mother hates you” “Your a slut, *****, and a whore”. I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!

4: The kids at school are horrible. Since I’m out in school, they treat me like shit. Like I don’t have feelings. Like I’m…….immortal. I hate it!!!! I hate them!!!! GOD!!!!

5: My aunt keeps telling me that I don’t want help. That I want people do to my work for me. Blah, blah, blah. She criticizes me all the time. She criticizes my own mother too!!!!

God!!! I don’t know what to do!!! I just wanna go crawl in a hole and die!!! I want all of this to just GO AWAY!!! I wanna die!!!! I know my life isn’t as bad as it seems. But I’ve writen other posts about my past. I’m…….just………..depressed!!! And nobody seems to listen!!!! NOBODY!!!! GOD!!!! I tried to commit suicide a couple of weeks ago. But it didn’t work. IDK. I just want all of this to go away!!!!

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